One DC has been NC for years, should they inherit equally?

[debauchedsloth]

I have 2 adult DC. One stoppped all contact with me about seven years ago and I hear from their sibling and father that they have no intention of reconnecting with me despite my sincere attempts to listen to them and understand how I have clearly failed them.

I have a very good relationship with the other DC (as does the sibling and their father).

I need to make a will and have significant value in my estate - many noughts.

Is it fair to split my estate equally between the DC given that one has decided to cut me out of their life?

Exactly this. One sibling and I bore the brunt of my mother's psychological and physical abuse, whilst my youngest sibling was the golden child. Yet I maintained a very hands off relationship with her for years. Having my own child, and them reaching the age when our abuse started, triggered me. Add in her increasingly unpleasant behaviour towards me, and one final act of spite was the final straw.

Going NC is never done on a whim.

I think it all depends it you view inheritance as an automatic right. Personally I don't , I view inheritance as a way of thanking people who were good to me in life whether they are children , neighbours or anyone else.
i also would take financial circumstances into account ie I wouldn't leave a millionaire a chunk of my estate regardless of how good our relationship was.
I think it's likely that your other child will do most of the caring for you as you age and my will would reflect that .
I think if you choose to cut a parent off you can't really expect to inherit this money .

I would seriously ask myself why you admittedly failed one dc and you have another dc who feels entitled to more of your estate due to staying in contact with you.

You say the nc dc gets on with their sibling and father?

if you demonstrate your limited love for them by leaving them less you can be assured not only did you fail one dc and create an entitled second dc but also you fucked up the relationship between them.

Do you love your children equally? Then of course you should split your will equally. The only proviso is if the NC child has a drug/alcohol or other addiction and the money would be a negative for them rather than a positive.

I can guarantee though that this isn't about you dropping their birthday cake or whatever other spurious reason you might come up with. Much more likely your intensity and the up and down nature/mood swings you suggest might just have been far too much for them - they may have grown up walking on eggshells not knowing which mum they would get today. In the end they just had to walk away to protect their own mental health, they also may be much more sensitive than your other grabby child if they like you are ND.

I think that for me the greatest "inheritance" I could leave my children would be a great relationship with their siblings. So, if an "unfair" split would do damage to that, then I'd split it evenly. IF their relationship with each other would NOT be affected by an "unequal" split, then I would leave my money based on other criteria.