42 year old male pursuing 19 year old female

[Engagebrain]

A 42 year old male friend of my hubby is pursuing a 19 year old woman. He's single and so is she but it's really turning my stomach to think he's old enough to be her father and I now see him as a bit of a creep. Am I overreacting? My own daughter is 20 and she thinks he's a creep. I don't want him visiting us anymore but my husband is laughing about it. How do you guys feel about this? Thanks!

I don't think there's any definitive cut off lines here (other than the age of consent, obviously) but I would be seriously uncomfortable with the friend and furious if my dh was egging him on.

I'm as old as Moses, and I often find my daughters' reactions to age gap relationships a bit censorious, but I still think it's better than how it was treated when I was young. Maybe it's partly because I didn't have a dad (men seem to respect other men's 'ownership' but from the moment I hit puberty it did feel a bit open season. My stepdad - who did incidentally leave my mum for a girl he taught at school - used to tell his mates he was hanging around till I was 'old enough'. I was told this many years later by one of those mates, who found it funny and didn't see why it would upset me st all.

So a dh who didn't see the issue would make me very uneasy indeed.

I think my point OP is that his employers would wonder what had been going on prior to her turning 18. Any man who works with teens and is also attracted to them as sexual partners is very dodgy imo. Isn't your dh bothered by what your dd has said?

Awesome. Get back to us when you're 42, with your thoughts on having some fun with a 19yr old male.

Oh please, they are both adults, it's their business.

There was a 40 year old woman here fucking a 19 year old and it was OK.

Well, I suspect you might think differently if was your daughter...

If it was a relationship yes, but if it was a fling, I wouldn't care. She'd find someone her age anyways, that's how these flings go.

This is incorrect. Your brain doesn't develop at 25, that's a myth. It keeps developing, and we don't know when it develops exactly, but studies say 20s to 30s. But the 25 number is a myth, and proven to mean nothing by neuroscience.

Totally fucking gross but horribly common, sadly.

Right, so if she told you she'd met a 45 year old and it was just a bit of fun, you'd be cool with that. No suspicion that she'd been coerced or groomed or being used by a dirty old man...?

🤔🤔🤔

ew I think it's really revolting. And it's not just the age gap, but 19 is really young.

I have a friend who is 61 who is shagging a 29 year old - I find that really yuck too but at least she's a grown up.

Quite. People always pull out the 'what if the sexes were reversed' stuff and I roll my eyes.

The two situations simply aren't symmetrical. Most men could relatively easily kill almost any woman without much trouble if they wanted to. In a heterosexual relationship the woman is almost always the physically more vulnerable one of the pair. Adding a large age gap which usually means a big power imbalance (financial and social status) and it's right to feel a bit icky.

It would still be icky for a 40year old woman with a 19yo lad but I wouldn't be as concerned that they would end up physically hurt.

Yes she's an adult and bla bla bla. I would believe it was true love if 40 year old men pursued 60yo women as often as they did 20yo ones.

Suuuuure, you'd be cool with your young daughter potentially being used by a dirty paedo who is imagining they're actually 15 or whatever.

I'm sure you'd be absolutely okay, with the guy who had been eyeing her up for a few years and waiting til she's "legal".

I'm sure you'd be the funnest mum ever and not at all because worried that this guy has been buying her expensive gifts.

Omg this post is half a year old and the young woman is now engaged to a 23 yr old🤣

Glad she and your friend moved on!

You're deflection is proving me right. You wouldn't be happy for your daughter in any of those scenarios.

Are you actually a nidn40s man, who gets aroused at teenage girls??🤮🤢