42 year old male pursuing 19 year old female

[Engagebrain]

A 42 year old male friend of my hubby is pursuing a 19 year old woman. He's single and so is she but it's really turning my stomach to think he's old enough to be her father and I now see him as a bit of a creep. Am I overreacting? My own daughter is 20 and she thinks he's a creep. I don't want him visiting us anymore but my husband is laughing about it. How do you guys feel about this? Thanks!

Yes, the human brain isn't fully developed until age 25. When you are not yet fully biologically developed, you are a child of a species.

I met my partner when he was 18 and I was 20. He didn't even have any chest hair for several years at the start of our relationship.

I would say age of consent is arbitrary. Legally there has to be a limit. Which is 16. Which for some kids is fine, for others too soon. But that makes it legal for a 42 year to sleep with a 16 year old. Which I think most people would think was wrong, even tho it’s legal.

19 is legally an adult, can consent, but I think the opinion of most on this thread is that it’s legal but wrong, because a 19 and 42 year old are at very different life stages and maturity levels.

Yes, it's creepy. Most people are going to find this inappropriate/weird. Not something I can imagine my 30 year old husband or 60 year old dad doing. I would be inclined to keep him out of your house if you've got an 18 yr old.

It is really worrying to me that a good few people on this thread think this is absolutely fine.

It isn't. It's wrong and grim and should not be normalised.

For me, as soon as you have a teenage girl yourself who gets leered at by middle aged men in the street, or in your forties get 20 yr old men asking you on dates; then the penny drops for how truly awful it is.

That your husband laughed despite having a same age daughter is abhorrent.

So he is 42, her is 19.
Thats only 23 years age gap.
It might sound a lot, but it isnt.

If he was 52, and her 29, would you all still condemn him?

How about 62 and 39 ?

Ages are just numbers.

I'm not reading their personal messages I wouldn't be able to do that. DH was shown the messages by his friend.

How so? I have a daughter, I don't know what to think about this man and he visits my home so I wanted to know if I was overreacting and from the replies here I'd say I'm not. Thank you for your reply.

Yes, my daughter said when she was in his maths class he used to slap one particular girl on the thigh with his ruler every time he walked past her desk. I've only been told this today. She was 15.

I would absolutely ban him from my home op.

She’s technically out of childhood but too young to be wise or comprehend the implications of what is happening to her with this older man. He’s capitalising on her innocence.

Yuck.

It’s just wrong

It is absolutely creepy and it would concern me that your husband thinks it is amusing...

There’s another thread here at the moment with a young woman pregnant at about the same age, to a guy who’s a serial predator of very young women. It’s awful.

He is a creep and your husband's reaction is quite telling. Don't invite him near your daughter.

''@Taishan · Today 12:09

So he is 42, her is 19.
Thats only 23 years age gap.
It might sound a lot, but it isnt.
If he was 52, and her 29, would you all still condemn him?
How about 62 and 39 ?
Ages are just numbers.''

What a daft comment...

'only 23 years gap': what? 23 years is a massive age gap.

I never understand why people try to find justifications for a middle aged man pursuing a girl young enough to be his daughter and who is still technically a teenager.

It is just vile. Stop pretending it is not.

The fact your DH thinks this is fine and a bit of a laugh is also gross.

Did he teach this young woman? As he has waited just one year beyond what could have got him fired.

Same school but didn't teach her.

I would hope that would still get him fired as she was a student at his school.

23 years difference woks for many, and wont work for others.

May good couples have more than 23 years between them.
They have great relationships.
Ask me.

I would think this would be enough to warrant an investigation into behaviour when she was still at school with him.

I ve been told that if they are 18 or over, it is advisable to wait at least 2 years after the pupil left. I don't think that is a legal requirement, more to avoid grooming allegations.
So if she left at 16 all is good.

It's illegal to have a sexual relationship with a pupil under 18 if you are in a position of trust, which a teacher is.

She's 19 so just legal

When I was 19 I went on a few dates with a 42 year old. We had fun. It was no big deal. I really fancied him. He fancied me.