42 year old male pursuing 19 year old female

[Engagebrain]

A 42 year old male friend of my hubby is pursuing a 19 year old woman. He's single and so is she but it's really turning my stomach to think he's old enough to be her father and I now see him as a bit of a creep. Am I overreacting? My own daughter is 20 and she thinks he's a creep. I don't want him visiting us anymore but my husband is laughing about it. How do you guys feel about this? Thanks!

Oh hell. You have to save her from this controlling creep. She is young and naive but you know better so save her fgs!!

Yes he’s a creep and your husband is stupid for downplaying it.

Cue hilarious jokes like “has she got any friends for me” etc

Who remembers that utter horror Anthony Kiedis, 'singer' from Red Hot Chilli Peppers when he was 53 and his girlfriend was 19/20?

The photos in the media made him look even ridiculous if that's possible!

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2851028/amp/Anthony-Kiedis-52-gets-cheeky-20-year-old-girlfriend-Helena-Vestergaard.html

Gross.

Yes quite. While we’re all thinking in such binary terms, why can’t your sixteen year old daughter have sex with your husband’s 40 year old mate? Totally legal after all.

He's a creep and I'd be really pissed off if DH laughed something like this off when you gave a DD a similar age.

I bet your DH wouldn’t be laughing if it was your DD.

It really is time that we start to pull men up on this predatory behaviour and be vocal
about it, instead of just accepting that men will be men.

19 and 25 are not remotely comparable.

The 25 year old man on that thread had his own house and business. At 25 you have a fully-developed adult brain. Hardly the same as a teenager.

It could be true love, although from the sounds of sharing supposedly private messages with mates for a laugh, I would guess it is not. He doesn't sound great at all no. Your husband is probably blinded by friendship (hopefully). Good luck keeping him away from the the house. To the (99% men) who are saying it is hypocrisy to suggest the age gap is bad, you're missing the point of the likely power imbalance and the fact that the older man is often an abusive controlling pervert. Comes out in most stories.

Definitely creepy pervert. Your daughter has very good instincts 👍
As for your husband, I really don't know what to say...

I can't applaud a 42 year old man after a 19 year old or a 42 year old woman after a 25 year old. Equally creepy.

yeah he's a creep. saw the thread about the woman and the 25 year old don't think it's quite the same. at 19 this girl is barely an adult. would give me the serious ick op.

Oh god has that old story cropped up again!

I've worked with men who do this and thankfully some of my male colleagues have taken them to task over it but others egg them on. You DH finding it amusing is a bit of a worry especially when you have a DD around the same age.

Sounds like the 19 year old is stringing him along making fun of him

I think he’s a creep. Someone my partner knows went after an 18 year old when he was 42, my partner thought it was creepy, told him so and stopped bothering with him. Last we heard he is now dating a 19 year old and he is 44.

At 18/19, you’re an adult, but are unlikely to have the experience and knowledge to see these men for what they are and how vulnerable you are as a young person to them.

Fair point, but on that thread the op had already turned the 25 year old down a couple of times because he was too young, and he ‘pursued’ her. In this case we’re told the older man is pursuing a 19 year old. Aside from the arguments of whether you can equivalently switch the sexes in this situation, it’s quite different anyway.

Nope you aren't over reacting. Creepy AF. I wouldn't want him visiting either, he would make my skin crawl.

Weird that your husband doesn't agree. Especially since he has a daughter a year older.

I thought the woman asking that was creepy too. I think it's creepy both ways. Doesn't matter if it is a man or woman is the age of the younger person's parent.

I’ve got the ick so bad. About this guy and to be perfectly honest your husband too. If he doesn’t see this as completely gross I’d question his morals completely. Also your daughter is 20… would DH think it’s so funny if he was trying to sleep with your daughter, because what’s the difference really? It’s okay for someone else’s daughter to be groomed but not his own.

He is sick. And your dh isn't exactly a shining beacon by laughing. Utterly grim.

Because that one was 25 and this one is a teenager maybe?

It's not so much the age as the inexperience that bothers me. Once a woman has got a job, flat and a bit of life experience it's different. Men who are in their 40s and pursuing 19/20 year olds know they can manipulate a 19 year old purely because of their inexperience. If he was confident why wouldn't he want someone more his own age?

If she was 25 and independent, I think it would be very different.

For reference since some posters are referring to the other age gap thread: The original poster of that thread is 42 and the 25 year old male is pursuing her, not the other way around! Also whilst the age gap in that potential relationship is large - 25 is adult enough to know what you are doing, 19 on the other hand is barely adult at all, especially these days where you are likely to still be living with parents and still in full time education.

Not equally. Because the age is important. A 42 yo man chasing a teenage girl is different to a 25 yo man chasing a 42 yo woman.

I'm in my 50s, and have friends in my 50s and we all, to some extent or another, get 30-something yo men trying it on. I wouldn't (also happily married) but some would. And it's not just the gap, it's the age of the youngest person. I'd expect the 25 yo or these 30-somethings to know their own mind. A 19 yo? Not so much.