Friend from the past asked if she could stay with us for 6 months

[RollyPol]

An old friend (were out of touch for 16 years, shared accommodation in student days in London) who is a locum biomed scientist got an offer to work for 6 months in a hospital near to mine. She asked if there is a room she can stay in whilst working there. She did not say anything about paying for the room, but I don't want a lodger anyway, I just want peace and quiet with my dc and dh. They don't know her and I don't think they want a stranger in the house. What do I say to her? I don't think I want anyone who is not a family member with me for 6 months either.

You're allowed to keep your spare room for the occasional other visitor, it's not sitting there on a first come first served basis so don't feel pressured.

Lots of good ideas for messages to say no. Alternatively, you could give her a price "I guess you could stay in our spare room. The rate is £1900pcm plus bills if youre interested" and let her do the saying no!

She is expected way way far to much of you and your family totally unreasonable of her especially as you haven't seen her for donkeys years,

Odd request 🤔 to ask expect from you
@RollyPol

She’s got some cheek. Depends how you want to play it, if you want to avoid drama/the aggravation of her pushing it just say a relative is already there, or that you are going to foster and need the spare room ready, or that room has asbestos. Otherwise just tell her as pp have said.

'Sorry friend, that's not going to work. It's too intrusive and invasive to have someone stay for 6 months. I have a husband and kids and the weird upheaval would be too much. I couldn't even do this for family. Sorry.' If she takes umbrage and falls out with you, she is no friend.

This is a BIG ask. No way would I have anyone staying with me for 6 months Oh the horror!

That's a really good advice @SabreIsMyFave

Straight to point tell it as it is

Just like matching the way brazenly teenage years friend asking @RollyPol..

What a nerve audacity..!

You have a spare room but you do NOT have a spare room shw can stay in.

That spare room is for friends and your parents /in laws etc when they visit so is not free to be occupied for 6 months....

Honestly the message i wrote previously was pretty much perfect. It answers the question directly "no i dont have a spare room that you can stay in"

You don't need to give any explanation as to why you can't / won't have her to stay.

Don't get drawn into that. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

Your spare isn't for strangers to stay in though. It's not available, simply put. It's your dh and dc home too.

I can't believe people think it's ok to ask such humongous favours. Surely her work will fund her accommodation? Either way it's not your problem to solve.

So you have a room but not a room she can stay in for 6 months.
The answer is no

"If you need somewhere to stay overnight when your plane gets in, of course you can stop here for the night. It can be a lot, jet lag and moving into a new flat.
I don't know of you've rented a place yet, but SpareRoom.Co.UK can be a good place to look. Looking forward to a coffee andf a catch up when you are back in the UK!"

Definitely don't offer the overnight, she'll never leave while she 'looks for a room to rent'. You haven't had contact for 16 years, why on earth would she think this was a reasonable thing to ask?

She’s asked therefore it’s a yes or no answer

Just say no

Answer: No.

No is a perfect word in many situations including this one. She sounds a cf.

This is not in any way an ethical dilemma. People know I have money. That doesn’t mean I have to give it to them if they call me up out of the blue and ask for some.

See a few pp saying I'll ask around to see if anyone has a room etc
Personally I wouldn't get roped in to help her find accommodation.im sure you've enough going on in your own life.

Just also want to point out clearly that is a quite extraordinary request from her.
Don’t let her make you feel mean for refusing a bonkers request.

THIS. Do not get roped in! She’s an adult.

Funny that. Who opened that conversation about your living arrangements?

she has seen you coming

Either (a) go back to her and say no, we don’t want to commit to that. We don’t want to share our home with someone for that length of time.

or (b) give it a bit of time before you reply and say, no, long discussion at home and it’s not something we want to do as a family/blame your H as having put his foot down

I agree that you definitely shouldn’t have her to stay while she looks for something else, she will never leave. Surely it is a simple “sorry, it doesn’t suit us to have a lodger. I can ask around to see if anyone is looking for one but you need to assume you will have to make your own arrangements”.

I said no under very similar circumstances, to a relative coming to study in my city for a year.

She knew I had a spare room (she had stayed in it!) but I explained that while I could put people up for short stays, having someone in my spare room for an entire year (or six months in your case) would prevent other friends and family coming to stay and I wasn't willing to do that, and in fact I already had various people booked in over the following few months. She happily accepted that, and found a house share instead, but came round for meals quite often. It meant we stayed on good friendly terms rather than turning into landlady and lodger.

I always wonder about why people find this kind of thing difficult. She has asked a question, all you have to say is no, There is absolutely no need to make up anything about home gyms or goldfish or offering overnight stays. It really isn't difficult or any kind of dilemma.

We don’t I’m afraid. They will probably have accommodation at the hospital though

Just no!! Why do you need to ask? You can help her find somewhere if you like, just not in your house!!

This is a very easy no.

Well a s imple "No sorry" isnt going to work for you......"No, its my/DH's work from home office now, cant WFH without dedicated space so sorry we cant help".

She has probably emailed anyone she ever met who lives in London