Friend from the past asked if she could stay with us for 6 months

[RollyPol]

An old friend (were out of touch for 16 years, shared accommodation in student days in London) who is a locum biomed scientist got an offer to work for 6 months in a hospital near to mine. She asked if there is a room she can stay in whilst working there. She did not say anything about paying for the room, but I don't want a lodger anyway, I just want peace and quiet with my dc and dh. They don't know her and I don't think they want a stranger in the house. What do I say to her? I don't think I want anyone who is not a family member with me for 6 months either.

6 months - I would hate that. Guests like fish go off after three days.

"No, i dont have a room in my house ypu can stay in. Hope you find somewhere though! If you want to meet up during your placement let me know"

Thats it. No sorrys and take out the last sentence if you never want to see her again!

Not really difficult to say you don't have a spare room and say you can help her find somewhere. Not really a big drama.

No I'm sorry I don't have the room but you can look on ...enter name of local places to find rooms...

I know this is silly, but I DO have a spare room, and she knows it, we spoke about our living arrangements last time we spoke, I just don't want her to stay with us for 6 months.

It’s irrelevant that you have a spare room. You don’t want them to stay which is a good enough reason. I’m sure they will understand as it’s a huge huge imposition and they must know this.

It’s ok to just say no. Worse case scenario she’ll know you don’t want her to stay - that’s the truth - and she won’t like it. That’s ok though.

No, is a full sentence. The hospital will almost certainly have accommodation she can rent.

Maybe you need that spare room for other people to stay in occasionally rather than having someone stay in it for six months. I don't know anyone who would want an old friend staying there for so long. At least with a lodger they would pay rent and there can be rules.

Tell them you've got a new goldfish and it needs its own room 😂

No, this inn is full. Try the stable next door.

Seriously though just say no sorry, wouldn't work for us but good luck

Presumably you have a spare room because you have other people that visit though... parents, friends, etc. Just because you have a spare room, that doesn't mean you are happy for a guest to have it for six months! It's a massive ask and there's no reason to worry about turning her down politely.

I would just respond, "We don't I'm afraid, but you should try spare room.com, etc. Looking forward to catching up when you're settled!"

Just reply any of these …

no, sorry.
Afraid not.
No I don’t.
Sorry, no.
No.
Dont want a lodger, sorry.

You have had no contact for 16 years. You don't know her any more. If you are finding it hard to say no at this point, what chance do you have if you let her move in only to find she's a nightmare? For all you know she could have alcohol or drug issues, be a messy slob, spend 3 hours in the shower every day or bring a different man back every night.

There is no upside to this for you or your family and plenty of potential downsides. Say no now whilst you still can.

Why are you even questioning this in your head. Just say no, it doesn't work for us

Just because you have a spare room it doesn't mean any friend or random person you knew 16 years ago is entitled to use it for 6 months.

Of course you say no. "No I'm afraid we aren't renting out any rooms but the local website xyz is good for accomodation" If she comes back and says "but I thought you have a spare room" just say "yes I do. what has that got to do with anything"

I wonder why the question of your spare room came up the last time you spoke.

Dh's "friend" stayed with us for 8 weeks. It was a nightmare. He was entitled, inconsiderate, selfish, and such a tightarse. I now absolutely detest him.

Any friendship you have with this woman could be destroyed & your family peace shattered. For your own sake say no.

I would happily put someone up in this position and would also ask, expecting someone to be upfront and honest! I know lots of people wouldn’t be comfortable but would still ask. Just be honest.

She is utterly self serving and exploitative.

Perhaps you could tell her you and your husband are polyamorous and that the spare room is out of bounds since it’s regularly used for extracurricular relationship activities. That should do the trick.

You don't want to, so just say no. It's a question, not an order.

I'd say something like, "I'm not able to put you up myself, but I can ask around if anyone knows any rooms for rent"

Hi Becky. Congratulations on the placement, that’s great news. I’ll let you know if I hear of any rooms. Unfortunately there’s just no room here, the kids have commandeered the spare room as their play room and it’s packed to the rafters with their stuff. After a long shift at the hospital the last thing you’d want is to come back to this madhouse! Be great to catch-up after all this time though, can’t believe it’s been 16 years! X

(Think it’s important to note it’s been 16 yrs since you’ve seen each other, it’s a huge (and very odd) ask.

Honestly just say: oh sorry no. We converted the spare room into a home office for DH/ a gym for me/ a gaming room for my daughter. That's it. It's an incredible thing to ask of someone you haven't seen in years. No is a perfectly acceptable response.

@Absurdgiraffe

Just cause you knew her back many moon light years ago as teen

Doesn't mean you owe her a thing,

Just wish her a good luck with her new job offer placement and just say you haven't got any spare bedroom room space for her to stay for that long and that's that,

If you want to?
You can have a catch up with old friend in a cafes or when weather gets better in local park type of thing..