Cockroach cafe - summer

[GnomeDePlume]

A new thread.

This is a place where anyone dealing with elderly parents/relatives/friends can rant, vent, scream into the void.

There is no judgement just understanding, support and good advice.

@GnomeDePlume sending best wishes

I mean to do this too. Both DM and DF appeared on TV news items in the past and I have the videos. DF was Pick of the week on Radio 4 once and I wish I had a recording of that.
DS has done some digitisation for me in the past (he does digital stuff for archives for a living) so I should set him to work.

@GnomeDePlume wishing you and DM peace.

Large gins , wine or comforting tea to @Beetrootfrizz, @GnomeDePlume, @Tennas, in fact everyone stuck on this mad merry-go-round.

Mil is still in hospital, wound healing on, dementia increasing but skin massively improving (turns out it wasn’t scabies after all thank goodness, but dermatitis from not being washed properly in weeks - did I mention how ineffective the carers were?!). She’s struggling with eating though, little appetite. Onwards we plod.

to all, whatever stage of this you’re at. Look after yourselves, it’s a brutal journey…

@GnomeDePlume Hoping your Mum is pain free now and this final stage won't be too long.

@Tennas I am in a very similar situation. I don't really have any advice, just sympathy. My Mum also spent a long time claiming that she had various physical needs to have someone staying with her ('falls' etc) before it became clear that she just doesn't feel comfortable being along any more. I think this means she needs to move to some form of residential care. Mum and brother won't hear of it and think that the only matter to consider is how to split staying with her. I do lots of other things for her but, after having stayed with her for weeks when she first started her 'falls', this is an absolute no for me.

Miracle - After communicating with me, the Memory Clinic Associate Practitioner contacted him and somehow talked him into keeping the appointment. She told me to send her a list of the behaviours for the Memory Nurse.

Good lesson - he won't take anything from me - I have work in the background, which is fine.

@GnomeDePlume sounds like it. But might still be days. It's an odd time, every minute lasts a hundred years.

My ER seemed ok today despite the heat. The tax return is done.
"How do I pay less income tax?"
"HAVE LESS MONEY Give some to charity," I said.

Recently I passed through the town where her mother grew up, so I could show her some photos from that. My OH was a good not-son and went to stock up on milk and bananas. (The car has aircon so it's nicer than the house!)

She didn't bring up the subject of all-day or live-in care so I had to ask. I didn't say, "I told you so" when it turned out the carer she got in for 1 or 2 days, she didn't like, and she realised she did indeed much prefer a rota of different people! Which is what I'd said.

Has anyone else noticed 'carer platitudes'?

Being told that the elderly person is 'fine', 'calm' etc etc. It's then only after a little while that you will be told that they had a difficult morning, rejected medicines and spat out food.

I dont want platitudes, I'm a grown up, I can cope with the reality.

DM had almost nothing to drink yesterday. She has the mouth swab things which seem to help.

DB suggested she should be put on a fluids drip but accepted it when I told him that would mean hospital and would possibly be worse for DM. Extending dying rather than prolonging life.

@MysterOfwomanY you are right about time extending. I remember this with DF as well.

I want this to be over. I go to bed half expecting to get a call in the night.

@GnomeDePlume yes I do remember carer platitudes well. I’m an adult and was his LPA, talked to medical professionals on his behalf. I needed to know.

I hope you managed to get some sleep 💐

@GnomeDePlume I remember when Pope JPII was on his way out, they said he was "serene", and that has been a dark in-joke in our house ever after.

Thinking of you @GnomeDePlume…and I totally get your frustration with being given platitudes. Why are we so rubbish at dealing with death?? Well done for standing your ground re the drip.

@GnomeDePlume I hope your mum has been comfortable today.

Are there any other retirement apartment providers or do McCarthy and Stone have the market sewn up?

Thank you for the supportive messages. DM had a better day today, probably helped by a combination of better pain relief and cooler weather.

Of course DB now thinks DM shouldnt be on morphine. Once more he is stirring with the care and nursing staff. It's embarrassing.

@MittensTheKittens looking in my area McCarthy Stone do look to have the majority of the market. Looking on RightMove there do seem to be a lot of MS places for sale. 'Secondhand' the prices dont look so bad though obviously there will be management fees to pay and restrictions.