Cockroach cafe - Spring in autumn

[GnomeDePlume]

A new thread for those of us dealing with elderly family members. All welcome.

A place to rant, discuss, vent, decompress. No judgement just solidarity.

@ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmy could the gardening jobs not be saved up so it’s 4 hrs once a month rather than 1-2 hours per fortnight?

This may not be your DPs preference but it might be easier to get someone to take on that job.

We managed to get Jim’s Mowing to do a maintenance visit in addition to regular lawn mowing.

Call from mum's carer this evening. Now need to go up tomorrow as she's been pulling cables out of everything and trying and get phone, WiFi, TV etc working again. And her last dining room chair is broken, goodness knows what I'll do about that. Carer couldn't get a reason for doing it out of mum as she apparently had no idea who might have done it. She lives alone. Was going up on Monday to take her to the supermarket so I'll end up doing that as well to save another trip. That'll be after my own supermarket weekly shop (busy this weekend so has to be tomorrow) and seeing to my sick horse. Going to be a long day.

So far this week, I’ve had a call saying ‘I’ve no incontence pads’, I’ve run out of butter, there’s no medication (from care agency), we’ve no catheter leg bags, I’ve no toilet roll…

We’d organised a shop on Saturday, bother had been there but by Sunday morning the calls started. I’ve had to call the care agency as they put her to bed at 7pm, so she fell asleep, and woke at 11pm thought it was morning and went downstairs for her breakfast 🙄.

Hopefully it will get better

Age Concern/ UK , whatever it’s called locally to you may well be the way to go. They supply a gardener for my MIL at £28 per hour and are happy to just do an hour when required. It does make me smile as she refers to him as ‘the old man’ though he is at least 20 years younger than her! Also according to her he’s not much good, although I think he does quite a lot in the hour, but she always has this idea that people should do longer than the time allocated, not sure why.

Thank you 😊

I think getting a gardener is a matter of luck, I called quite a few people with no joy - I don’t know why people advertise for business “no job too small” and then say their books are already full to any enquiries. In the end I found someone on mums local FB group who was starting out his business and when he heard mums address said he already did one of her neighbours so both of us were happy to proceed. Tbh he’s less a gardener than a landscaper, but he cuts the grass and chops back the bushes and treats the weeds so keeps it tidy if not the show garden standard that DP used to have it. Comes once a fortnight and last year charged £25 per visit. One less job for me to do so he’s worth every penny.

@InNewYorkNoShoes i think you and I are in similar places: welcome!

To The not taking meds question: I can imagine doing that when I’m a lot older. My mum is both clinging on to life fiercely and hoping she will slip away peacefully one night or failing that she’ll have a heart attack and it will all be over quickly. I watch her crumbling and in pain and struggling and totally get that. I have thought several times that if I were her I might just stop taking all the meds (other than pain ones).

Thanks funnelfan

This is my experience, people want a large slot rather than the hassle of going house to house an hour at a time.

Yesterday someone was really keen. I sent photos and she was then ‘full’ ☹️

In Tesco's with mum. Is it too early for gin?

@orangemapleleaves
Hi yes with regard to the personality change depending who is there. DER is always tired and often grumpy with me, but perks up with friends who literally don't see the dementia. He gets invitations to lunch, to concerts, and even to stay overnight, in the belief that he can manage by himself. He later cancels as he can't manage. All part of the demens.

So apparently its Tuesday for delivery...no one has told me!

So, we ended up spending nearly an hour going round and round a small Tesco. Bigger than a local but like a typical Lidle without the aisle of random stuff. Every time we passed the bacon I had to remind her she has 3 packs at home. All the while I was checking what she is making with the random ingredients going in the trolley so it didn't end up with a cooking challenge. You know the sort if thing where they challenge a chef to make a meal of a cauliflower, macaroni and strawberry jam.

Re gardening, my DS has a few elderly gardening clients (he works pt in a garden centre) but even he prefers two hour slots because of the travel time and also the clients tend to chat a bit. The other thing is waste disposal, he prefers not to get involved in the disposal of waste (legal and practical reasons). So elderly parents might be more attractive clients if they are set up with the council scheme or have a family member willing to take it to the tip.

I'm not sure what to do re: meals for mum going forward.
She doesnt like the meal delivery service ones (cant blame her).
I might just grab ready meals from m&s tbh.
It is indeed tuesday that medi-equip are coming...at least they told me!
I'm still feeling rough but really must go in tomorrow. She needs batteries (?)

@Raven08 Medi-equip didn't give me a time slot they just phoned right before delivery. I waited all day until 4pm for DF's profiling bed. I just buy DF ready meals from the supermarket as he like strong flavours. The Tesco Finest ones are pretty good too, I have them for work. Most of them can freeze okay, I just take them out the night before hand and heat from chilled instructions. DF's carers will only reheat from frozen if the instructions tell them what to do though.

@Raven08 Cook (the posh ready meal place) does home delivery in a lot of areas. They're the only ones my M will countenance when needed. I've recommended them to a few colleagues recently with complex elderlies, and none realised they did home deliveries. COOK | Frozen Ready Meals, Delivered Meals, Prepared Meal Delivery COOK. Hope this helps. x

@Raven08 DPs local butcher does amazing looking ready meals that they get delivered. Now if only I could persuade DF to stop trying to cook fishcakes and meat pies and just order and use these each week, rather than letting them fester past their sell by date then shout at me when I try and throw out the more obviously out of date ones, life would be a lot simpler and nutritious for them and easier for me. Oh and actually eat one portion each rather than dividing each meal between two because they have small appetites ( DM happily ate an entire portion when DF was in hospital).
There may be something similar near your DM and she may be less obstructive than my DF,

I had no idea re: cook. I'll take a look, thank you.
The medi-equip lady said I'd get a time slot but who knows?
I'm starting to feel quite anxious wrt mum coming home.
My siblings will not visit much (hopefully more than their usual 20 mins once a week...) but I'm just not prepared to do it all anymore - well, I physically can't.
I had my yearly scan on Wednesday and all is stable but I feel like and look like roadkill 😬
The mega cold 😷continues and is getting very tedious.

@Raven08 that sounds really tough. Is your DM definitely coming out ? Sorry if I have misunderstood any of your previous posts.

I think probably.
The drs don't know where the infection is or what it is. Her pain is much better controlled now. She can walk with a wheeled frame to the toilet.
They are bringing a commode frame, perching stool etc
I've found a cleaner who will do an hour twice a month.
Just need to get her to wear the falls pendant

She's just very frail now

Thanks for answering. I was with DM yesterday and a woman from a dementia organisation visited, DM was answering her questions, talking about herself, she looked so happy and flattered that someone was showing an interest in her and her interests (fabric and sewing) it was heartbreaking. But she's not like that with me! Just anxious and asking to be taken home constantly. And also apologetic as she knows she's difficult.

Mums brother died this morning, so I have to go in and tell her.
Not unexpected.
Of a very large family, only her and a sister left now 😕

I'm so sorry @Raven08 that's hard. One of my mum's brothers died last year, her twin died five years ago and her remaining brother is currently in hospital. It's a constant sense of dread.

I’m sorry to hear this. Mum and Dad were both only children, so we’re already a very small family.