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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
Ocelotfeet27 · 27/12/2025 16:24

YANBU, DH is. FIL has made this mess, he will have to deal with it himself and pay for taxis to GMILs, or whatever is necessary. I would say I hope this teaches him a lesson but sounds unlikely...

VioletandMauve · 27/12/2025 16:24

Years ago my dad ended up in hospital 2 days before Christmas and stayed there for 3 months due to a drink driver crashing into the side of his car. Do not give him a penny otherwise you are aiding and abetting him.

Starlight7080 · 27/12/2025 16:25

Dont get involved. He needs to lose his licence.
Awful man . Far to many people are killed by drunk drivers. He is a selfish stupid person.

StillFeelingTired · 27/12/2025 16:27

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 16:14

So you didn’t really shop him for drink driving. He was judged to not be a competent driver likely for medical reasons following your report. Good for you, but it’s nothing like stopping drunk driving is it?

Show quote history

What a strange response.

Alpacajigsaw · 27/12/2025 16:28

Not being mean and if looking after GMIL is that important to him he should have thought about that before he drink and drove. I hope that no matter what mitigation he puts forward he loses his licence, elderly GMIL or not.

Homegrownberries · 27/12/2025 16:29

"I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself."

He should never have the chance. They should never be in the car with him. I hope he loses his licence.

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:29

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:23

Perhaps he could appeal to the judge on the basis that he didn’t have your DC in the car OP so it’s not so serious 🙄 I mean obviously he could have killed someone else’s children, but not yours so it’s not so bad is it?

Please ignore my post. Cross posted with your explanation OP but can’t edit.

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 27/12/2025 16:30

I'm glad he got caught, it serves him right. I hope they throw the book at him.

HardworkSendHelp · 27/12/2025 16:30

Do not waste your money. It is a strict liability offence - in that there is no defence. He will get a driving ban. Keep the money for taxis

Bones101 · 27/12/2025 16:31

He sounds like an alcoholic. Don't let your kids be alone with him.

Littlejellyuk · 27/12/2025 16:37

Your FIL is a massive selfish DICKHEAD.
He is lucky he didn't injure someone.
But he wants to argue the toss and have you guys help fund the cost of a solicitor? Why? So his ego feels better after he KNEW he shouldn't drink drive? 😠 😡 😤
Does he ever admit fault, or is someone else always to blame? Disgraceful.

Tell him to fuck off and don't give him a penny. 🖕
As for your DH, he needs back off from his selfish dad and instead support YOU in not giving funds to that drunk driver.
Thank god he was caught. @CrazyGoatLady

WakeUpchangeChannelSleeeeeep · 27/12/2025 16:38

If my DH spent a penny piece on defending this utter cunt, I would leave that night.

elephantknees · 27/12/2025 16:38

Don't waste your money, he will be banned for at least one year. Even then he might struggle to get his licence reinstated at what will be at least 75 years of age when he has served out the ban for both drunk driving and speeding. I doubt very much any insurer will take the risk on him anyway after his deadly little escapade, they will simply price him out of the ability to get insurance, serves him right.

bitterexwife · 27/12/2025 16:43

He absolutely will not get out of a ban. Not in a million years. He will get a short ban and likely the opportunity to reduce this by a period of time by doing a 6 week drink drive course - possibly online.

He can throw all the money in the world at a solicitor, but he will not have a driving license when he leaves court.

MyDeftDuck · 27/12/2025 16:45

No, you’re not being mean! And actually, this might be a wake-up call for the fucking irresponsible idiot! Anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to drive whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs needs flogging IMO……..and taking to the mortuary to see the damage they do to the innocent when it all goes wrong!

MyGingerNinja · 27/12/2025 16:46

Definitely don’t waste your money and I’d advise him not to waste his either. I’ve seen many cases of people paying thousands to “specialist” solicitors who end up advising them to plead guilty on the day anyway as quite rightly there is no way of getting out of it.

tigger1001 · 27/12/2025 16:47

not a chance I would be giving money to him to attempt to defend it.

and truthfully, as my feelings on drunk drivers are very well known in my family, it would put a considerable strain, and very well end, my relationship if my partner gave money to someone to defend a drink driving charge.

the chances of said family member seeing me or my children again would be fairly slim. But to be honest, if they had a reputation for drink driving they wouldn't be seeing them often, and certainly never alone where driving may be a temptation in the first place

SerendipityJane · 27/12/2025 16:48

Not sure why he's worried about the outcome of a court case, as I can guarantee he'll be back driving whatever.

AnotherDayanotherNameChangeX · 27/12/2025 16:50

He can save the money he would spend on a solicitor for his bus fares, selfish prick!

dailyconniptions · 27/12/2025 16:53

Christ. Why can't people take responsibility for their actions? He is an absolute disgrace and does not deserve to drive ever again. There simply is no excuse. He is bloody lucky he did not hurt or kill anyone.

Nomistletoe · 27/12/2025 16:53

Choices of an adult

www.gov.uk/drink-driving-penalties

diddl · 27/12/2025 16:57

DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

Sounds as if GMIL would be much better off without a son who regularly drives drunk regularly driving to her to care for her!

Is that what he wants for her?

Is that even what she wants for herself??

BellaVita · 27/12/2025 16:57

I certainly wouldn't be helping him out and if DH did then we would be finished.

SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 16:57

Such an awful position to out tou in and so fucking entitled of him.

How does your DH feel? Is he likely to help him fund a defence?

Like others have said, it’s an automatic ban anyway and the most lenient penalties go to those who plead guilty from the off.

If “D”FIL mentions money again could you suggest he sells his car to pay for a Solicitor instead?

Mantari · 27/12/2025 16:59

YaNBU at all. I know someone who was a carer for an elderly relative. It made absolutely no difference to them getting a three year ban for drink driving. FiL needs to plead guilty and take the consequences.

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