FIL caught drink driving

[CrazyGoatLady]

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

Yup, due to this and his age, unless he's pretty comfortably off he may have driven for the last time. I assume that since he has the begging bowl out, he's not that comfortably off. Dickhead. I do feel sorry for GMIL, but contesting this is not only wrong but stupid. Not as stupid as drink driving, of course, but your FIL clearly isn't the brightest.

I suppose you/DH could offer to pay for a meeting with a solictor to discuss options. Just if they were/are good parents/grandparents as a goodwill gesture.. obviously what he's done is terrible and its great he's been caught but I do understand how DH feels torn, especially living away.

I'm not a lawyer but assume they'd probably advise him to plead guilty and what his likely outcomes will be - he's older and was caught both over the limit for speed and drink. So I think possibly he could have a reduced ban, but I assume he will be banned for some length of time.
But if he hears that from a solictor it'll be more official. Shouldn't be too much either for a 1hr consultation

“A goodwill gesture”??? He could kill someone.

“FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor ”

If he wants a good solicitor, let him pay for it. He might do well to work out how many taxi journeys he could get to DGMIL’s for the cost of the good solicitor, who most certainly won’t be pennies!

I'd post on the Legal section OP. There's lawyers on there who will happily tell you the technicalities of why it's not worth fighting.

He's never done it when we have been physically present, as he may be reprehensible but he isn't stupid. So no, we have not had the opportunity to do anything about it. I wish we had. He brags about how many times he's got away with it, and I've said to his face I hope he gets caught and has the book thrown at him. And now he has, and I think he should face the consequences, not plead poor me I need to drive to my elderly mother, let me off.

I wouldn't be giving him a penny towards a solicitor. No money comes out of the joint account for this. If your DH wants to waste his personal money on this that's up to him but make sure he knows he's just going to be pissing money up the wall.

I have no sympathy for the man.
None.
Zero.
Zip.
Nada.
Nyet.

Tell your husband that his money is better spent on taxis for his dad to attend to his dear, dear sainted old mother — whom he should’ve thought about before he got in the car at the pub.

The thought just occurred to me that perhaps your husband is softening up on donating towards an attorney because he foresees a future of him becoming the taxi service.

300 people a year die due to drunk driving.
How many relatives and friends are then affected by this?
You are not being unreasonable OP, he is a selfish cunt that deserves to be banned and further punished.

Jesus, I’d be absolutely mad if my husband even dreamt of spending a penny of OUR hard-earned on defending a drunk driving reprobate. He’s not even sorry for what he did- just that he got caught and it finally has consequences for him. Despite the fact it could have had DREADFUL consequences for any other road users over the years. I do t understand why you’re getting a roasting from some pps - you’re not responsible for controlling what he does and he clearly knew your feelings on the matter. It’s amazing he has the ballls to ask for help!

Honestly op, if my DH gave money to his Dad to help him get off a drink driving charge, I’d leave him.

He will get a ban regardless.

Waste of money.
DH's best friend is a solicitor, & he didn't even try to get himself off a DD !

My friends DH talked his way out of a ban by saying his car was essential to his work (it wasn’t really and he should have been banned). He didn’t use a solicitor.

Was that for speeding, no insurance or drink driving?

absolutely no money for the solicitor and I also would not be letting DC in the car with him driving whenever (if ever!) the ban is lifted.

He could have killed someone. Selfish bastard.

Agree. I couldn't respect that.

Your money would go towards enabling him to drive drunk if you help him with a lawyer. You could be enabling him to maim or kill people. I'd rather set money on fire than give it to a shitty drunk driver who thinks he's above the law.

He brags about driving drunk. He's not about to stop and now he's on the police radar as a drunk driver.

Tell your husband giving his father money so he can continue to endager others on the road is not going to happen with joint funds.

Ban him from driving your kids anywhere.

As I've said to another poster who kept making this point, if I'd had the opportunity of knowing exactly when he was driving after drinking, I'd have shopped him gladly.

In the first instance, he should review his home and car insurance policies which might include legal cover.
If not, honestly, I’d tell him where to stick it. You warned him, and it sounds like he lied misrepresented the truth when asked how many.
He’s not mad at himself for doing it, he’s mad he got caught.

Get him off the roads now. My BIL is a fire fighter and you should see the amount of RTA’s he attends. He’s had to pull dead toddlers out of cars due to drunk drivers.
your FIL is a see you next Tuesday.

Of course you shouldn’t help, drink driving is indefensible. However, shame on you if you have known about this for years and not reported him🥲!
it really pisses me off when people say they’ll report them if they do it with their children in the car…what about my children, and everyone else’s children?

In the first instance, he should review his home and car insurance policies which might include legal cover.

Even if you are guilty ?

RTFT.

The OP has already said she's talked to the police. Distance is the problem; FIL lives four hours away, and the police need to catch him in the act. Difficult to report if you don't live in the area.