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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
PodMom · 27/12/2025 22:12

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 20:55

So lets say that he gets caught again, which he may if there is a marker on his car reg, what then?

There is, as others have said, no way he will avoid a ban. But by doing it again between getting caught once and going to court for that, he is increasing his likelihood of a custodial sentence!

Someone local to me was in this situation. Had an accident drink driving and was arrested. Still allowed to drive while waiting for court. Caused another accident while drink driving, this time ran off across the fields with police chasing her on foot. Went to prison, got 36 months, she had small kids as well. Six year driving ban.

SassyPearlEagle · 27/12/2025 23:04

So he's doing it again, 3 days later.
They should've confiscated his car.

imfabul0us · 28/12/2025 00:25

Thehorticuluralhussie · 27/12/2025 14:33

He's not going to talk his way out of it. Don't waste your money. He's going to get banned and he deserves to.

This is true - police will have solid bang to rights evidence that he was over the limit. If he felt so strongly about caring for GMIL he would have stuck to fruit juice.
Also, police are likely to believe that it wasn’t the first time he’s done it, just the first time he’s been caught.
Selfish bastard - he could have killed someone.

BooneyBeautiful · 28/12/2025 00:54

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2025 17:21

My friends DH talked his way out of a ban by saying his car was essential to his work (it wasn’t really and he should have been banned). He didn’t use a solicitor.

Was it a ban for drunk driving though? I suspect not.

SleafordSods · 28/12/2025 07:03

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 21:09

Would at least mean he wouldn't be able to come and visit for a while! 😂

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Yes it would. I feel sorry not for him though but for his DM. Fancy having the stress and upset of your DS being sent down when you’re they age.

Summertimesadnessishere · 28/12/2025 07:27

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 18:03

People saying "oh you are as bad as you didnt report him!" well its not quite that simple.

Firstly the Op has explained that she has spoken to the police and they cant do anything without info on when and where he is doing it, which she doesnt have as they dont live nearby.

Secondly even with that information, its hit and miss whether anything happens. There was a guy at a pub I used to run who would get paralytic and drive home. Every single time I would report him saying he was over the limit, was at X location and would be driving to Y location and had drunk Z number of drinks over a 2 hours period. Oh and here is his full name and van reg. In 2.5 years of reporting him he was never once stopped. I kept doing it in the hope that if I reported it often enough it would flag up as an issue. But to my knowledge he still hasnt been caught.

That’s dreadful that he was never picked up despite your detailed efforts. I would have written to the local papers and MP saying the police are refusing to act on information that a crime is being committed that is endangering people’s lives. Publicity seems to be only other option when police fail to act.

SleafordSods · 28/12/2025 07:28

*that age

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

Summertimesadnessishere · 28/12/2025 07:27

That’s dreadful that he was never picked up despite your detailed efforts. I would have written to the local papers and MP saying the police are refusing to act on information that a crime is being committed that is endangering people’s lives. Publicity seems to be only other option when police fail to act.

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It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 09:17

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

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Something being illegal doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 09:17

Something being illegal doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

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Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 28/12/2025 09:27

ThisOldThang · 27/12/2025 14:38

Drink driving is an automatic ban. It isn't like speeding where you can claim 'disproportionate hardship'.

Tell him to go to court and plead guilty. It's the cheapest option and showing contrition may result in a shorter ban - e.g. 12 months instead of 24 months.

This.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 10:10

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

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Indeed.

But the news - or even social media 😄- are hardly awash with stories of people being prosecuted for it. To the extent that it may as well not be a law at all.

Also, i am a little sceptical of attempts to shift the blame and to absolve people of their own shitty decisions.

pouletvous · 28/12/2025 10:21

Tell him you will contribute to taxis . He has to suck it up. Solicitor will be a waste of money

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 10:22

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

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Ok so paralytic was an exaggeration but he had had way too much to drive.

And its a very hard one to call on the law. Its illegal to serve anyone who is visibly drunk, but a hard core drinker can often drink a hell of a lot before being visibly drunk. In a busy pub with several staff serving its hard to keep tabs on who has had what. I have had regulars where 10 pints wouldnt touch the sides and you certainly wouldn't think them "drunk"....tipsy at most.

If it was a simple as it being illegal to serve a drunk person then there would be no drunk people in city centres at a weekend would there?

And frankly, why is it my responsibility to make sure he doesnt drink drive by policing what he drinks? Its HIS job to do that!

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 10:26

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

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Yes I managed the pub, but I didnt manage him and his life decisions!

It is not my job to do that. I will report someone who is drink driving but thats as far as I am able to go. Someone can have 3 or 4 drinks, served perfectly legally and be over the limit. How is that my responsibility? How would I know that they are planning to drink drive? I only knew about this guy as he did it so often.

Frynye · 28/12/2025 10:30

He will do better to go to court, plead guilty and apologise to the judge. He will still get a ban but it may be shorter. Not that he deserves it but there you go

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 10:30

And frankly, why is it my responsibility to make sure he doesnt drink drive by policing what he drinks? Its HIS job to do that!

I know it will never happen, but imagine if peoples wages were a reflection of the responsibility they have been saddled with. A barperson who is responsible for a pub full of patrons could retire at 30.

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:25

You said he was paralytic and often drove drunk. You could have refused to serve him more alcohol, but like him you acted illegally by continuing to serve him.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:29

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:25

You said he was paralytic and often drove drunk. You could have refused to serve him more alcohol, but like him you acted illegally by continuing to serve him.

Where did the OP ever mention serving her FiL ?

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:37

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:29

Where did the OP ever mention serving her FiL ?

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I've mistakingly responded to the wrong person. I was referring to the bar manager who was talking about a customer who would drive home paralytic from her pub.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:39

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:37

I've mistakingly responded to the wrong person. I was referring to the bar manager who was talking about a customer who would drive home paralytic from her pub.

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We don't have a brothers keeper law in England. We're edging close to it, but I really don't think it's what people would be happy with.

MedievalNun · 28/12/2025 11:45

Tbh, if I’d spoken to him, he was already 3 sheets to the wind and saying he was driving home, I’f have been ringing the police to tell them. With the address & the fact they nicked him 3 days ago they would have his car reg and be able to wait for him. He wouldn’t only be facing a ban then.

EraOfTheGrey · 28/12/2025 12:43

SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 19:48

If you’re in Scotland you’re probably aware that they can take his car as part of sentencing.

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Another reason to consider moving to Scotland. I totally agree with this, take the fu*kers car off them.

mrssunshinexxx · 28/12/2025 19:37

He isn’t going to get off on this.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 28/12/2025 21:41

mrssunshinexxx · 28/12/2025 19:37

He isn’t going to get off on this.

No, I think DH has accepted that he needs to face the full consequences, and he'd be best advised to plead guilty and show contrition and willingness to do driver education to reduce the length of the ban.

I'm beyond angry that he was quite willing to get in the car again last night after drinking. He didn't in the end though, DH phoned MIL and she went to pick him up so he wouldn't drive. They're divorced, but MIL does still seem to feel some sort of responsibility for him. Her second husband was a boozer as well, so she has a type.

OP posts: