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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
strawberryandtomato · 28/12/2025 21:43

Put the money towards taxis during the ban.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 28/12/2025 21:52

Id not give him a penny. He's an idiot and needs to live with the consequences of his actions.

Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

CrazyGoatLady · 28/12/2025 21:41

No, I think DH has accepted that he needs to face the full consequences, and he'd be best advised to plead guilty and show contrition and willingness to do driver education to reduce the length of the ban.

I'm beyond angry that he was quite willing to get in the car again last night after drinking. He didn't in the end though, DH phoned MIL and she went to pick him up so he wouldn't drive. They're divorced, but MIL does still seem to feel some sort of responsibility for him. Her second husband was a boozer as well, so she has a type.

Show quote history

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 29/12/2025 08:30

Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

Show quote history

Yep, and it wouldn't surprise us if he was caught again.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 29/12/2025 09:18

When I was involved in Adult Criminal Magistrates’ Courts (a few years ago now….) Drink Driving cases were usually listed for the day after arrest. Mostly quick ‘cut and dried’ cases, only needing to be delayed for reports if there was a possibility of custody and even then there would be an interim ban. Much more effective.

ManyPigeons · 29/12/2025 09:24

No solicitor is going to get him off a driving ban. It’s a waste of money. Sentencing guidelines start at a 12 month ban. They won’t go lower than the sentencing guidelines for a completely standard offence of ‘bloke drives home from pub at Xmas’.

Slurple · 29/12/2025 09:24

Do NOT give him your money. If you want to support GMIL you can spend your money on supporting her instead, but he must know that the impact of his drink driving on her is nothing compared to what would happen if he injured or killed someone.

ManyPigeons · 29/12/2025 09:25

If it’s his only offence he can take a course and reduce the ban length by 30%.

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

Show quote history

Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

grumpygrape · 29/12/2025 12:34

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

Show quote history

Well..... you're not really innocent if you have done it but until you plead or are found guilty you have to be treated as innocent.
The difference between fixed penalties and potentially going to prison does make a difference to how cases are handled and I think people are at liberty to challenge fixed penalties if they really want to....

Edited to say I never found Drink Driving cases a 'pantomime'

Homegrownberries · 29/12/2025 13:33

I think you might be kidding yourselves about him not being an alcoholic.

Appenzell · 29/12/2025 15:05

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

Show quote history

How is dealing with drunk drivers an elaborate pantomime?

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