FIL caught drink driving

[CrazyGoatLady]

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

Don't give him a penny. My late FIL said its one of the easiest crimes to prevent (either don't drink, or don't get in the car) and inexcusable. His daughter was nearly killed by a drunk driver (the driver was alone in the vehicle too - he hit her head on after speeding on the wrong side of the road). Left her permanently disabled and she is still suffering from the injuries sustained 30 years later. There is no excuse. My dad used to drink & drive with us kids in the car. I didn't realise how dangerous it was when I was a child but as an adult I'm horrified.

Looks like FIL needs to start saving up for his fine. What was his blood alcohol level?

He will get banned.

There are guidelines the magistrates have to follow for the length of ban depending on what he blew at the station.

No point paying for a solicitor. The duty solicitor on the day of court will do as well as someone you pay £600 for.

This website is a really helpful resource.

www.forum.drinkdriving.org/

I think you need to spell out in quite graphic terms to DH about how he would feel if his kids were killed by an drunk driver, and he found out that the family of the drunk driver not only knew he drunk drove and hadnt reported him, but also tried to help him get out of consequences

Tell him you'll pay for any elderly relatives to come and visit in a taxi. He on the other hand can catch a bus.

And why on earth would you pay a solicitor for him? He was caught pissed behind the wheel and clearly not the first time. I hope they do take his licence.

Don't give him any money. Tell your DH under no circumstances is he to give him money either. That money is for you and your DC, not to bail out your stupid FIL after he has FAFO'd.

What is FAFO? I think I’ve seen it twice on this thread?

Fucked around and found out.

It means Fuck Around and Find Out. 😊

If he really thinks he doesn't deserve a ban let him fund his own defence. He clearly hasn't learnt and never will.

This.

I think you just neeed to wait for it to play out. If you can’t stop DH using joint money then you don’t seem to have any options in that respect.

hes defensive and avoidant- just ignore him, it’s his coping method and you won’t change him. Justice will be done.

If he was that much over the limit he's got zero chance of avoiding a ban.

It's an automatic ban. Find something online that explains this and show it to your DH and FIL. You might as well set fire to the money.

So you only care if YOUR family members get killed by a drunk driver...?

There is absolutely no point spending money on a “good” solicitor, because there is absolutely no way he is ever going to get anything less than a ban.
And quite rightly so. Drunk drivers, especially repeat offenders are scum.

Also, DH will be in shock.

Once he gets his head around the fact a ban is inevitable, he'll hopefully not want to waste your money.

These lawyers that specialise in getting rich people off motoring offences, can only help with speeding offences etc. Drink driving doesn't come with any loopholes, so your FIL would be on a hiding to nothing. Don't even think of wasting family money.

It’s proven that these conversations don’t have the impact you want because they are so outside of the sphere of realistic outcomes they aren’t as shocking as you expect.

its exactly why the government stopped the drunk driving ads where you smashed into a family and killed your son, because it wasn’t effective.
Instead they now focus on more understandable outcomes- the shame of arrest, the difficulty of losing one’s license on day to day life, the potential to lose your job.

I don't blame you. He knew better. It's lucky he got caught before he killed someone. He shouldn't be on the roads.

I reported my own dh. He lost his licence for 2 years..
And his dw..
Tell your dh your respect for him will plummet to that of your respect for fil if he financially assists him. Hopefully dh has his own funds.. Family money shouldn't be helping fil.
Wonder if fil would be so arrogant if he had crashed and killed his own dm that night.

Don't give him any money. He could have killed someone.

Automatic ban, no mitigating circustamces. I would hope that his licence his suspended permanently tbh

He would not get a penny from me.

These are the consequences of his actions - tell
him to start saving up to pay for taxis to go see his mum…

I despise drink-driving, so you can guess my opinion. You definitely should not help him avoid the consequences of his actions.

Do not give him a penny. I’d probably offer to testify against him as a character witness and tell them he’s been drunk driving for years. Hopefully he’d get a longer ban

Former magistrate here. A good solicitor won't make any difference. The evidence is clear. He was over the limit while driving