My lovely dad (86, early Alzheimer’s) lives at home but is increasingly dependent on his friend/sort-of partner (80, lives down the road) for most things: shopping, sorting prescriptions, attending appointments, fixing stuff around the house, keeping to arrangements etc. I live a few miles away and am happy to help out more as well. But am beginning to think we need to get him to accept some level of home care now before things deteriorate (he’s gone noticeably downhill over the past year). His poor friend/sort-of partner is being run ragged, and (as she tells me, quite reasonably) ‘this isn’t what I signed up for’ (my dad had all his marbles when they met a few years ago). He’s mostly safe, I think, but has started doing things like leaving the gas hob lit for hours. I’m not convinced he can do any cooking other than making sandwiches and heating up soup, so he relies on his friend for a lot of that.
the problem is that my dad is a HUGE personality, incredibly stubborn and almost impossible to argue with. Independence is his reason for living, pretty much. I have a very good relationship with him, but I cannot fathom how we will get him to accept a carer - he just thinks it’s a ridiculous idea and that he doesn’t need one.
added to that (as others with experience of Alzheimer’s will know) even if you construct the perfect argument, he’ll have forgotten the entire conversation within an hour.
does anyone have any experience of this? I’m worried that if I just override him and insist (I have POA) I’ll cause a major fracture in my relationship with him, which would make us both totally miserable.
This would be private care - he won’t qualify for any council help.
thanks