I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

Exactly. No one would be worried about this being a safeguarding concern for the child. The only action would be to recommend a lock for the sons bedroom door.

@ChristmasGrinch24 it is sadly very common to have confusion as people are nearing the end of their life.

The problem I have is that because she keeps saying she wants to try chemotherapy my dp thinks we need to at least try and sort the confusion & her eating out.
In bloody denial. The chemo would just finish her off quicker. She told me before this that she didn't want to suffer, and I just feel she is suffering.
Please don't worry about my son, he's fine. He knows how poorly she is and he's very placid (has a LD) however my issue is if she gets into my other sons bed he WILL freak out.

Also neither can have locks on their doors for their own disabilities, I need to be able to get to them quickly in emergency.

Sorry I wasn't saying to put a lock on. Simply saying that was the likely outcome of reporting a safeguarding concern. It wont hurry things up.
Can you just tell her she has been referred for chemo but has to wait? I know it is a lie, but might be easier just to placate her.

Yeah that's fine I can tell her that however it's my dp who thinks if she gains some
Weight in the next week she'll manage to be accepted to chemo. When the nurses are saying if the confusion doesn't subside the oncologist won't even see her as she won't retain the information.

If you think she is suffering then call 999.

Has the GP prescibed end of life drugs?

I'm so sorry @ChristmasGrinch24 you're between a rock and a hard place. It's clear you're desperate for help, your MIL is dying, why no one seems to be taking that onboard is a mystery to me. My Father died of cancer, the Dr wanted to put him into a hospice but there was no room and he died two days later, he just quietly went to sleep so your MIL may be closer to the end then you think.
At least when she does pass you'll know you did everything you could

Having just lost my mother in law last month to cancer and my mum last November. I'm absolutely disgusted at the lack of support and care she and you are getting. It sounds like she should be on end of life care. I appreciate you not wanting her to go to hospital however the truth is, shel be far more comfortable and settled there with people attending to her needs 24 hours a day. Whilst one of our mums was in hospital for end of life and hospice was a better experience with the other. The truth is, as things progress it could become distressing for all of you and her, as you be at the hands of the district nurses who have so far proven to be useless and could be waiting hours if you call in the night.

Has her doctor prescribed a just in case bag, for if she needs stat doses of pain relief or to calm her if agitated for the district nurses to attend and administer. Has she been prescribed oramorph for pain? Has she been prescribed fortisip high calorie drinks by the gp?

If she can't attend her hospital appointment and isn't lucid, your dh could call and ask if he can attend in her place if he has power of attorney in place.

Your sister in law sounds useless and whilst it's so hard in the moment, I found it easier when grieving knowing I had no regrets and had done everything to support my mum, as you have done.

If the DC goes into school and tells someone there that the grandparent ended up sleeping in their bed then it would end up being flagged as a safeguarding concern without you doing anything.

I do think you should get on with calling an ambulance and get her out of your house. What would have happened if she'd also wet your DC's bed and you ended up with another mattress out of action? Or worse, ended up dying in the DC's bed?

Safeguarding isn't just about physical or sexual abuse but also emotional or neglect. It looks like you're caught in a terribly hard situation but the last thing you need is a SS safeguarding investigation so I'd get on with ringing that ambulance and getting her transferred to hospital.

@Wobblecushion if your on about morphine, then yes.

Yes she's on the high cal drinks 3x a day but she's managing like 1/2 - 1 a day. Last night she did eat a very tiny bit of roast dinner, but it was really just a taste.
Shes slept most of the day today.

You need to try this.

It's shocking that she doesn't have palliative care. She will die a horrible, undignified, and very painful death unless the NHS does what it is supposed to do.

She needs pain meds and 24 hour personal care.

If the DC goes into school and tells someone there that the grandparent ended up sleeping in their bed then it would end up being flagged as a safeguarding concern without you doing anything.

I honestly doubt it would, if it came with the full information of grandma being close to death and waiting for a hospice bed. Unless you work for social services and know differently?

And I also doubt DS is telling his teachers this sort of detail anyway.

The sudden deterioration indicates a UTI. She needs urgent medical attention.

Your OH sounds like a catch - he needs to sort his Mum out not you

Also are you sure she hasn’t got a UTI or something if symptoms have suddenly changed

OP

I think you are at this stage now. You haven't got a hospice bed or pallitaive bed, though you have tried your hardest. It is also possible that the hospital would be better equipped to nourish her and manage her weight - though it may be the case that eg tube feeding is not worth the distress for the small chance of her improving enough to have chemo.

I think your DP is deep in denial if he is still talking about chemo and the kindest thing would be for MIL to be in a place where she is secure and can have 24h care on call.

Thinking of you

The op does not know this as no one has checked.

Delirium in an elderly frail person merits hospital admission to keep them comfortable and ease pain and distress.

They’re are other drugs too. Let me see if I can find some info. It’s not just for pain relief

www.mariecurie.org.uk/professionals/palliative-care-knowledge-zone/symptom-control/anticipatory-medicines

Yes I'm sure as it's been checked along with her bloods!

Don't think I'm sat around twiddling my thumbs, I've had the nurses in & out along with my own GP and her hostipal team on the phone non stop trying to get to the bottom
Of this
Confusion. Her urine sample was fine as was her bloods.

What is stopping your H from wrapping his mother in a blanket, carrying her downstairs, putting her in the car, and ferrying her to A&E? She weighs five stone, right?

@SheilaFentiman well, from my experience of safeguarding whilst working in a school and in voluntary roles in the community, you take what the child says at face value, record concerns and pass them on so that SS can build up a picture of what's going on.

You people do understand that there is a real person at the end of this thread right? With real feelings?
Repeating the same things isn't helping, my child is FINE.

Ignore whoever it is harping on about safeguarding.

What a load of nonsense.

Hope you're doing ok, OP.