Why is my mother so stubborn

[Canjo]

Are all older people like this?

Christmas is coming up and there is a child in the family but lives abroad with my brother and wife abroad. We usually send a Christmas parcel.

We know Christmas has been coming for weeks now. My mother is struggling with a gift.

I mean like, there is some excuse for me not having a gift on time for the postal dates. If you saw my work secudule from September it was sutterly utterly sickening and there's no end in sight to it. I have to take sick days most weeks to get a break from it. Otherwise work would have me working 6 days a week - 10 to 15/16 hours a day.

I did find something online and I saw sitting for delivery now.

I gave my mother an idea for a gift. I found a gift box from IKEA that it a colour in and it's a wildlife theme. I did buy it. I gave my mother any idea to maybe fill it with some colours, as one example. Or she gets some jewellery.

My mother was extremely critical of all and of the suggestions that I gave her.

I tried online shopping before but from their country and it doesn't usually go very well. A lot of shops just don't take my card. We can't send cash in the mail but I know my mother ignores that every single year. She will put cash in a card and she will not declare it. It's not 5 or 10 pounds cash. It's more like 100 or more.

I know Amazon is likely the best option however my mother has no cut off point when it comes to stuff. I think a 100 would be more than enough for a gift card but she's someone who would do 500 gift card or more and it's just too much. My brother and his wife, they don't usually shop like that either. They prefer physical shops and they have no use for such a large Amazon voucher.

I'm so disappointed because my mother has argued with any suggestions that I made. She was overly critical of everything.

Now at this stage, I will say no more about it and she's on her own. She can organise a gift of she wants and just leave me out of it. It's up to her if she wants to send a gift or not and upset her grandchild.

It shouldn't be so hard.

Old people are annoying.

WTAAAF?!

Hope you never start then.

Yesterday, my mother said to me - maybe you can find something on black Friday sales for X as a Christmas present but I don't know how to use the internet so it's back to you I'm afraid.

She hears ads all the time about sales and deals and she wants to get stuff but she doesn't know what. She has no list made for black Friday sales. In relation to the Christmas present buying she has no idea what she wants or what she's looking forward. She just wants me to wander online for her but she wants to maintain as much control as possible over it too. So she expects me to browse in front of a screen and show her etc. I tried that before and it doesn't work. There's too much and she becomes too overwhelmedand angry. I gave her some ideas already for gifts but she was just critical of it all. She expects me to magic gifts out of thin air while she critisies everything.

I'm not talking to her about black Friday and I am not saying anything to her and I should direct her back into the city. She will just have to go shopping in town. The answers is not all online.

The worst thing is she won't let me help or get something from her because she wants to maintain control but she wants me to help her in other ways and i just don't have time for this. Especially she will never be greatful or happy for any help that I would give.

@Canjo firstly not all older people are like this but some are. Come join us over on another thread that will be a good read for you!!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5179774-appalling-behaviour-dressed-up-as-old-age-it-has-to-be-addressed

It doesn't matter op, you need to find some strategies to stop being bothered. So she doesn't like your ideas fine, the present won't go, not your problem. She complains and blames you, you need to let it roll off you. You are endlessly frustrated by her, it's that you need to work on, the present is a red herring.

My mother came to me this morning and she issued a demand of me to keep Saturday free to go into town and help her Christmas shop.

This should be a lovely day out together but I know her so much. She's only going to become rude and sarcastic and snarly at me. She wants me to help her shop for a Christmas gift. But I also know her too in that she is going to criticise anything I may show her. I also know her in that when she gets off the bus in town she will go to her routine shops out of habit and it won't necessarily be any other shops like a gift shop or tow shop or other artistic shop or arts and crafts shop.

I think she should be going into town twice maybe this week and break it up. Do your usual stuff and then another day dedicated solely to gift shopping.

She will never appreciate anything that I will do though and she will only just use it as an opportunity to breath down my neck and insult any ideas that I may have. I already gave her an idea that she wrote off which would be perfect and that was a colour in gift box and fill it up with a box of coloured pencils and other things as an example.

She came to me this summer to ask her to help her with something and when I did all she did was bark abuse at me - 'NOW THAT WASN'T SO HARD NOW WAS IT?' from her.

All Saturday will be, will be an opportunity to be rude and sarcastic and snarly at me. Why should I help her when she's like this to me?

I would normally jump at the chance of helping but the very idea of this is stomach churning.

Then don't go. Say you've already got plans and don't enter into an argument with her. What's the worse that can happen.

@Canjo do not go