Sorry it's long. I'm experiencing traumatic levels of stress.
I am my mother's long-term live-in carer, live with a disability myself, care for my DC's who live with disability and I have been experiencing a MH breakdown after the most incredibly tough years.
I've started with some CONTEXT for important background but you can skip down to SUBJECT: property disregard if you want.
CONTEXT
I've been under a rock for a few years trying to navigate a desperate situation with DM and have recently come out from under said rock to build a support network for myself. I'm at the beginning of that journey.
I am experiencing a shocking funding crisis for DM's care home and myself and my children feel threatened with homelessness.
I don't know what to do and am experiencing tremendous anxiety.
Together with my 2 DC, I live in my DM's house and have been doing so, as her carer, for several years, with some chunks of time away when it all got too much and didn't feel safe for us.
During this time, in states of desperation I've reached out several times to SS to tell them it's too much, but that's been rebuffed or not followed up and my energy for trying waned as DM's needs grew.
A long story of uncontrollable drinking (DM), multiple falls and hospital admissions, unsafe hospital discharges and GP neglect has left me sailing the care ship on my own whilst shouting into the wind and going 'round and 'round in circles.
I live with ASD and it is very hard for me to know what to do or how to ask for help, when under such intense unabating pressure. It just ends up engulfing me in a big wall of white noise and I have been experiencing a MH breakdown. With help from GP I've recently been building a support network of mental health care and disability recognition for myself and DC with the help of MH Practitioners.
SUBJECT: Property DISREGARD
I thought that the 12-week property disregard would be automatically applied as part of the LA assessment process, since DM is below the savings threshold. I've been diligently filling in and sending off the required documents as part of the LA Financial Assessment and promptly replying to requests for further evidence, eg. of mine/my children's disability.
As I hadn't heard anything, I phoned DM's SW to ask what the status of DM's funding was, because the 12-week period is passing and we need to make sure that further funding is in place if DM is to stay on in the care home beyond 12 weeks.
I was told by DM's SW that there is no 12-week disregard, in a kind of "Where On Earth Would You Get That Idea From" kind of way. She just kept saying "This Isn't Free You Know". I was so shocked I could hardly string a sentence together and said something like "I must have misunderstood what I've read online about DM's rights then" to which she replied, "Yes, you must have misunderstood".
Living with ASD, this kind of interaction is very hard for me to deal with as I can become paralyzed by anxiety, confusion and shock. It can therefore be hard for me to be assertive in the moment, whilst my thinking un-jams itself.
The SW then continued by telling me that myself and my DC should go and look for a new place to live "to safeguard ourselves" because DM's house would be used to pay for her care from day 1 of her stay in the care home. I told her that we live with ASD and we need support. Change is really difficult for us to navigate. I said that DM would have to come home then and the SW then implied that DM should be assessed as lacking capacity and would therefore have "no choice" about staying in NH, whilst LA sells her house.
DM is not lacking capacity and I have not been informed of any forthcoming assessments. SW's comments and assertions caused me to have a major meltdown due to their threatening and shocking nature.
As part of my journey with my NH practitioner I'm learning how to create more of a support network for myself and using some signposting in order to access this.
Last week, I asked SS for a needs-based SS assessment, to help myself and DC to navigate this difficult period of tremendous stress which has included a serious safeguarding alert against NH.
But when I mentioned our own SS needs during the same terrible phone call with SS, she told me that my DC and myself are not eligible to have our needs assessed by SS, as we do not qualify.
I don't understand how it's possible that all of this can happen.
Any advice of what to do or where to go for support and advocacy in navigating our rights esp. for protection from homelessness, along with DM's rights re coming home, are welcome. Please be kind. Thanks a million.