Aging mothers aggression.

[Stotar]

I need to get some help.

I live at home with my mother. I never took advantage of this and I helped her many times. Not only that I am really her only family. Especially during the winter she doesn't see anyone and I am her only daily contact.

Over the past two and have years I developed observations and concerns that's she's going senile but it's not presenting typically with forgetfulness. It's behavioural and mood stuff with her. I am reading online and I am leaning towards a behavioural dementia like FTD. There's just something about her. There's at least a cognitive decline.

Anyways I am in a difficult position. The family home needs some work. There is a lot of work to go I to this. There's an oil tank that needs replacing or we would be looking at an environmental leak at some point. She was told last year it needs replacing. She washed her hands of this and refused this. She's hasn't a notion of doing anything about this. I offered to cover costs involved.

I am coming into a new-ish and different situation.

She's utterly short tempered and I am her triggered. She's always lashing out at me verbally.

I think this is because we have family at home and she's acting in front of them and any opportunity she gets away from them she's lashing out at me. That's what I think it is. I think it's called showtiming on dementia forums.

She's lashing out at me.

I was willing to take out a loan to cover this work and get this done and now I am not sure with the way she's behaving towards me. She's horrible and down right nasty and over the past few weeks I am utterly suicidal. She's not making any sense at times.

If OP is looking at the cheapest house share available I doubt she could afford a mortgage!

But I do think you should get out ASAP, even if it means moving further away or looking for a new job. This situation is only going to get worse and you will end up being the carer by default.

I wouldn’t take out a loan or put any of your own money into the house, OP, it doesn’t belong you.

If you’re genuinely concerned about possible dementia, try to set up a doctor’s appointment to have her assessed. Share your concerns with your brother(s) as well.

Why is no-one mentioning the foul language you used to describe her in your 2nd post?

OP, I appreciate your living conditions are difficult but is this how you speak to her? She may well have dementia but I wonder if she behaves like this because she too is unhappy with the situation.
Are you abusing her? Taking advantage? Does she want you to live somewhere else?

I don't know your relationship but is this possible?

hi mate, from the outside (as we alll are) unfortunately this is going the a really huge problem for you my love. None of this is going to be easy.
what do you want?
what do you think your mum wants?
Do you truly believe your lack of interest (fair or hard done by?) equals others?
in other words, I know it’s a bit shit, but have you ever thought your mum might have some feelings about all this herself. Good luck.

Yes and the brother and his family. Op every time you post you get the same advice. Let’s say she has got dementia, having that diagnosis won’t change anything for you, you’ll still be in her house and you’ll still be winding each other up. It sounds awful and you have my sympathy.