My mum is dying from cancer and I'm struggling

[Ellemeg82]

My lovely mum who's 70 has advanced womb cancer and 3 weeks ago we got told that there was nothing more that could be done and it was palliative care only.

In the last couple of weeks she has deteriorated so now she can no longer stand, she's barely eating, not really speaking and honestly is a shell of her former self. She is skeletal thin and weak.

I'm finding it so difficult and painful to watch my mum fade from this awful disease.
Just a year ago before she was diagnosed she was so glamorous and energetic. She used to walk miles a day and enjoy her hobbies like gardening and local history groups.

She is currently home with the view that when she further deteriorates she will move to a hospice or the hospital.

They couldn't tell us how long she's got. I would say weeks with the state of her decline but I don't know.

I don't even know what the point of this post is other than to write it all down.
I love my mum and I am so sad having to watch her go through this suffering. I feel helpless. I feel guilty for going about my day to day life where hers is ending.

You have my sympathies. Cancer is just shit.

Try not to feel guilty. Your mum is dying and that totally and utterly sucks but you still need to eat, live, do family stuff etc.

It's really really important to look after yourself too. It's not being selfish to do that, in fact it's crucial that you do.

Sending you virtual hugs for the hard times ahead.

So sorry OP. My mum was only 60 and although it's been 18 years I feel increasingly angry about it. In my 20s I couldn't comprehend how young she really was, she really was robbed. Your poor Mum, 70 is still too young. I'm so sorry she is going through this. Make sure you tell her how much you love her and how you appreciate all she did for you. Say all the nice things you think of her. I didn't and regret it bitterly.

Just wanted to pop an update on here as you've all been so kind.
Mum passed away this afternoon.
It was sooner than we were expecting. She hasn't been eating or drinking really in the last few days and has been sleeping more. She went to sleep around lunchtime and just didn't wake up. So she did slip away very peacefully at home.
Right now it doesn't feel real that's she's gone. I'm not sure it'll ever feel real.
Thank you all for the support messages x

I’m so very sorry for your loss @Ellemeg82. I’m so glad that the end was peaceful for your mum. I’m not surprised it doesn’t feel real just yet. You will probably experience a range of emotions in your journey through grief. Take it all as it comes, one day at a time. Sending virtual hugs to you and hoping you have some good support from your husband and friends. 💐

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you. Just you being with her will comfort her. Thinking of you xxx

I'm so very sorry. It sounds like the end was peaceful for her - I hope in time that brings you some comfort. Huge hug xxx

So sorry OP, take care x

Im so sorry OP. She was still so young. Look after yourself. 💐

So sorry you are going through this. When this happened to my parents, I found it comforting to read ‘With the End in Mind’ by Dr Kathryn Mannix.

I’m so sorry OP. It sounds like a very peaceful end.

Thank you everyone

@Ellemeg82 I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and to everyone else on the thread experiencing similar journey, my love is with you all. Hope it's okay to share my own stuff.
My beloved mum was diagnosed in mid May with a brain tumour, out of the blue. Late May we were told it's aggressive and untreatable. My brother and I moved in to mum and dad's and we're caring for mum together with support from incredible hospice at home team, district nurses, carers and Marie Curie night- sitters some nights. We couldn't do this without them all.
Mum's comfortable, not in pain, and sleeping a lot. She's barely eating or drinking now. Her vision is deteriorating and she's slowing right down. Steroids have kept her steady and we've had some beautiful moments in the past two weeks with friends, family, celebrating her birthday, laughing and celebrating mum.
It's brutal, confusing, terrifying and bewildering. Mum was so well and vibrant, dignified and beautiful, always helping others, volunteering, dropping things to support her family. It's surreal to see her in bed, peaceful but so frail.
I'm working from home (here) and my brilliant DH is at work/home looking after our older teen DS while our other DS finishes up his uni term and comes home for summer.
My darling Dad has good days and not so good days. I'm glad we're here to support him, he's 80 and in good health but still, would really struggle navigating all this alone.
Trying to live one day - one hour even - at a time. It's mine and DHs 25 anniversary today, we'll celebrate another time. Think we might take a walk on the beach later with our dog (he's staying here and is the best company for us all). Try to cherish those small moments.

Oh @Ellemeg82 I just read your update about your lovely mum. I'm so sorry, I hope you find peace and comfort knowing your mum was safe and comfortable and cared for. Be gentle to yourself, I'm sending love xx

I'm so sorry. It's a horrible club to join and I wish you weren't a member too.