Returning home from hospital - is this normal?

[christmascactus22]

DMum has been in hospital since before Christmas. Various health needs including dementia and delirium (which is slowly resolving, so fluctuates from day to day). There has been talk of her coming home from hospital, but no firm decisions have been made yet. Occupational Therapists have asked if I can be present in the house for two or three days 24/7 if she does get home to help re-orientate her as she has no memories of the flat, despite living there for two years prior to going into hospital. Dad will also be in the flat but has mobility problems. Is this normal to ask a relative to stay for a couple of days? They don't have a spare room so I will have to sleep on the living room floor. Does this indicate she isn't really ready to come home from hospital?

Bumping

It seems unusual if your dad is already there. If his mobility problems prevent him doing whatever they expect you to do, it seems they want you to take on more of a hands-on care role rather than simple reorientation.

Have they spoken about an intermediate care/reablement package? She's be entitled to one after a hospital stay.

She's been in a rehab hospital, but no one has mentioned intermediate care or a reablement package.

Be very careful what you agree to. It's entirely possible that in reality your mum needs a full time carer 24/7 permanently but if she has to stay in hospital until this is arranged she will be taking up a much-needed bed for quite a while. If they can discharge her into your care then you are left carrying the can potentially for months while a proper care package is arranged. I am sure you love your mum but unless you are actually prepared to be a permanent full time carer I think it would be better to say you are not able to do that even for 3 days.

@christmascactus22

"Occupational Therapists have asked if I can be present in the house for two or three days 24/7" is concerning and most likely budgetary on their part. Do NOT agree to this!!

caretobedifferent.co.uk/what-to-do-if-your-relative-is-in-hospital-and-needs-full-time-care/

An added complication is that we are in Scotland, so procedure is likely to be slightly different.

Definitely do not agree to this. They see you as part of her care and if things do need to be escalated and nice she is home you will find it much harder to don't you are in place as a carer. Ime they will say anything to get people discharged then once home they will change the goalposts.

Definitely ask about that then - it's usually between 2 and 6 weeks, and is not means tested.

It should include things like ongoing, intensive physio/occupational therapy involvement after discharge but I wouldn't hold your breath for that. The main part though is discharge either to a funded care home placement for a few weeks - which may give the delerium time to resolve - or with a package of vising carers. And there absolutely must be a home assessment before discharge to see if any adaptations are needed.

The situation will not be any better in 2 or 3 days, and you'll be stuck doing the caring indefinitely. If you're not prepared to do that then please don't agree to this.

Is this an unsafe discharge?

Hand on heart do you think your DM will cope at home? Will your dad cope with her?

I don't honestly know if she could cope at home. Dad is absolutely desperate for her to be home though and if I don't agree to this then it could destroy my relationship with both of them. I think we probably have to try having her back at home and if it fails then look at a care home.

No don't agree to this, they need to assess and arrange a full care package for your parents.
If you agree to it then you'll end up getting stuck with arranging this yourself as she'll be home and technically under your care nevermind them saying it's just for a few days.

DO not agree to this at all. I don't know what happens in Scotland, but that isn't right at all. Sounds like they both need more support ongoing, not just you staying a few days.
Different area, but older friend needed support after battling covid, early dementia and mobility issues. She was discharged with a care package for I think 4 or 6 weeks. An OT came to the house and watched her make a cup of tea, cook something simple, demonstrate getting in/out of shower, loading the washing machine etc. She also had a carer help with shopping/laundry initially.

This is the what I'd be asking for-professional support when she gets home, plus in-home assessments. Even IF you didn't work, were single, lived around the corner and had nothing else to do- I would NOT agree to this at all. As others have said, you will then need to sort additional support yourself, which could take months.- by which time, you will be burnt out. ❤

If you do agree to this, you could also destroy your relationship with them

It sounds like they are banking on you agreeing to this and then when you do it feeling unable to move out and then becoming her full-time carer.
For them it's job done ✅ and she's not their problem anymore

Should've added I'm also in Scotland and when we were in the situation of needing a care home she still had to have a care assessment done before she could be assessed as needing a care home. It was not our decision.

L

Did DM have any care support before going into hospital?

In addition to what I said about a home assessment, I would speak to the discharge planning nurse/team yourself, privately. Its amazing what people will tell hospital staff to be discharged!
'Of course my daughter will stay, that isn't a problem at all', 'Our daughter can look after us' 'He gets around just fine and does all the cooking/cleaning etcetc etc.

I used to work in a similar area and people will stretch the truth to get home. Among other examples, telling us that their son would care for them (he lived in the USA), another said her neighbor visited daily- they didn't even know them, and another claimed to have 2 daughters that came around daily- she had no children!

All they want is their bed back, she should be coming out with a proper care package in place not all down to you. Do not agree to this because once she's out they'll wash their hands of you all and you're back to square one. It's a common tactic and I guess it's time to push back hard to get your mother the care she needs to have in place.

Don't buckle. They want you to become a full time carer by the back door.
Do you really want to give up you for however long they need you at their house.
Don't be guilted into an intolerable existence.
Good luck 💐

Do not agree to this , you need to them that a care plan needs to be put in place before discharge

It absolutely isn’t normal. Hospital dr involved in patient discharges in various location for 20 years.

@DSD9472 my MIL wondered why her mum had been discharged from hospital without a care package in place when she was obviously unable to look after herself. Turned out she had said she didn’t need any help as her adult DC would all be looking after her (regardless of the fact they all had full time jobs).

Next time she came out of hospital her eldest son made it very clear there needed to be a care package in place

Don't do it. She wont get the assessment or the help she needs if you are providing it.