I am distraught with what's happening with my mother and what I am seeing

[blackpup]

My mother who is now in her early 70s started divorce 6 years ago. I never knew it was going to be so long and drawn out and it was stressful because there was stuff and the family home to sort out. Not knowing if she will be homeless or me because I live with her.

So she got a date for a hearing last summer for next week. There was still some stuff to do and paper to update. I was asking her since September to phone her solicitor but she kept making excuses. Eventually it looked to me as if it's phone anxiety maybe. She refusing to contact him.

Now, she is revolting against the hearing date that's for next week and refusing to phone her solicitor. She won't cancel or stop the divorce but she says she still wants it but she doesn't want to go to court. She seems to think that she can cancel her court date or just not turn up at all.

I know my father likely won't turn up so I am anxious that the case will be thrown out of court. She's not understanding the consequences she says that it will probably be deferred of she doesn't show up and she can do in a few months at the next hearing. But she doesn't know that. She is refusing to talk to her solicitor. She is refusing to phone him. She is refusing to answer his calls.

I mean like what the hell. Why come this far and throw it out like this?
She has made a fool out of me and also my siblings. She has come to us so many times to get us to help her.

She is making silly excuses and I am not able to talk sense into the old silly woman.

Maybe she is depressed? Overanxious?

Could you persuade her to let you use her email to send a request for a postponement, you could draft it and she could check it to ensure she agrees, and you could send it signed from her at her agreement?

Can dad divorce her instead

I believe this is an option but he's too much of a deadbeat. A solicitor office or court room is not a pub or an alcohol aisle so he won't be divorcing her either.

She doesn't use the internet and doesn't have an email.

Can she ask her solicitor for a postponement? That would be the best thing.

She can ask, do they need to divorce at the moment, she lives in the house, he's not pushing her out, as long as her will is up to date what's the benefit of a divorce,

To keep posponing isn't going to solve anything is it. She either wants a divorce or she doesn't and it seems she's not pushed on going through with it. She sounds anxious and worried about it, it is a daunting time, been through it twice.
Maybe she needs to see gp about her anxiety and for you to step back and helping her for awhile. Let her settle for abit then perhaps she might move forward with it on her own terms.
If housing isn't a problem right now, don't worry about that just yet.

She had no assets for a long time and doesn't even have a will made. There's an agreement in place where she will get the family home but it has to be finalised throught the family court.

The family home has my father's debt on it but we are trying to clear it and the matter has to be finalised through the family court.

SIX years? I think you might have to acknowledge that her heart really isn't in this and she doesn't actually want to go through with it.

That's what I think too. It makes no sense to postpone it. I read online at my local courthouse the family sittings and next sitting is in the first week of February and in march. It seems as if her solicitor didn't send papers and shes not ready or maybe he did send them but she ignored them. If she's not ready now, she won't be ready in February either and it seems like it's excuses. I am on a legal group and they said sometimes divorce can still go ahead without a AOMs. My mother just isn't engaging with her solicitor.

Yes, it's a pain the ass and there was a lot of folly from both sides. I think her Solicitor advised her before that the family home might be sold so she tried to put a stop to it and then there was nothing for two years til an agreement was made outside of court and then the divorce picked up again.

Yes, I acknowledge it must be hard for her but it's hard on all of us too on me and my siblings. My siblings live abroad and they don't know what's unfolding right now and the cold feet she's getting.

It's been hard on all of us but this can be all done and dusted next week. Ignoring it is not the answer.

Ignoring this is not the answer. All she has to do is talk to her solicitor and ask him does she need to go to the hearing and what are the consequences if she doesn't show. She's just not engaging with him.

This could be all over and done with next week or maybe not but she's not trying. It's unlikely that my father will show up to the hearing. If it gets thrown out the past 6 years was utterly pointless or if it doesn't get thrown out, she's the only one dragging it out. She has no insight into what she's doing. She's hoping it will be adjourned to the next sitting but she likely won't be ready then either.

Has she said why she won't speak to the solicitor, would she let you on her behalf, she doesn't want to be held in contempt. Her gp could maybe issue a reason she can't attend if she wants to postpone but it will need to be finalised one day.

Why are you still living at home?

What's that got to do with anything

If she isn't going to get divorced then she really really needs a will. Ideally yesterday.

She won't tell me why she won't talk to her solicitor. At this stage it's likely some sort of anxiety on the phone and to him and maybe not understanding his speech and legal terms. He never explained things to her or the steps involved and just threw her into the deep end with all the court papers and she never understood them fully.
With someone younger who has internet and computer and smartphone knowledge, you can go online and talk to others and learn.
She never really had this even though I did what I could to help her.

I tried talking to her solicitor last year but he refused because I am not his client. Even with my mother's permission.

I could suggest to her that she can go to her GP, and get a sick letter from her GP and she could use it to postpone it. I doubt that option is going to work. She's extremely stubborn. She's ignoring it in the hope that it will be adjourned. I hunted at her yesterday that it might be thrown out but she's telling herself it will be adjourned to the next one. But she's not getting any advice about this.

I hate to ask - but does your DM have full capacity? Any worries regarding that front?

If all is well then with the best will in the world you cannot do anything - she is a grown adult capable of making her own choices and decisions. This isn't your divorce.

Because she called her mother an "old, silly woman", so it seems odd that she's happy to live with her.

I think I would contact him, perhaps via email so that you can set it all out, and explain. See what he comes up with. You need to make it clear she is not going to turn up and she won't speak to him so how does he propose to proceed? She can't ignore it or not just turn up, there are potential penalties for that. I'm presuming this is financial settlement as you don't normally go to court for the actual divorce unless one of you is contesting it. Going forward, is she actually well?

You cannot force her.

At the end of the day these are her decisions. If she wants to ignore her solicitor she will.

If the divorce has already dragged on six years she clearly doesn't care that much about it.

You need to back off.

She will face whatever the consequences are of her own actions.

I have some doubts and suspicions but I was putting it to the back of my mind. It's not just this legal thing. She's not gone completely loopy but there's some things that's happening. I never knew it would turn out like this that she may not have the appitude to follow through with her legal stuff. She can do every day tasks. I observed what I think is kleptomania. Just taking stuff that's really mindless. Sometimes from me. A few months ah she came home from the local pharmacy with some new face serums and she told me they were free so she took two of them. I questioned her further and they were in a basket and she told me that there was a sign saying - Free - please take one. She told me because the were free she took two and put them in her pocket. She didn't even take them to the counter and double check. I went the next day and I saw a basket behind the beauty counter/the till at the beauty department. There was no such sign. I suspect she took them.

This. Let the solicitor and court decide how to proceed and if she will be liable for any costs.