🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I’ve just done the autumn deepclean, brought in a load of logs, and made sure we have plenty of rugs and throws, and toasting forks and marshmallows. I’ve even brought in extra rugs from the Good Daughters’ room under the stairs - they’re not needed there, no-one ever uses it.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Hi oh this capacity to decide is driving me mad ! One Dr said no capacity 24 hr care needed. Social worker rang to say she was ready for discharge ! Hence the need for a meeting.
Mum has dementia, no formal diagnosis, definitely has periods of paranoia. So of course when she spoke to the SW she couldn’t remember any of the last three months were she’s been going down hill rapidly, going out in the dark, fusing the electricity etc.
Similar story I have no POA and she has four carers daily but their very lazy. I’m trying to speak with the Dr looking after her as I don’t really know how she is, they have changed some of her drugs, but she’s still dizzy and frail. It’s a nightmare.

@Limetreee she might be ready for discharge but that doesn't mean they will be discharging her to her home. It just means she is medically fit to leave hospital. Has she remained on the books of the care company? After two weeks in hospital mum was off the books and stayed in hospital to wait for a new care package. In the event she went to a rehab unit where they established that she needed 24 hour care.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere. Hi funny you should say that the care company has just rang to say to say she is now off their books. This happened the last three times she was in hospital, we’ve had four different agencies so far, each time they’ve been worse than the last.
Mums been in three different rehab units, but always sent back to her unsafe home unfortunately. I’m hoping she’ll agree to going in a home this time, so at least she’s safe and has someone there during the night. She doesn’t realise how unsafe she is because she has no memory of her accidents or ever being in hospital or rehabilitation.

@limetreee I think what triggered it for MiL was a fall and a 999 call just weeks after discharge, luckily no injuries but a very concerned ambulance crew who refused to leave until a reassessment of her needs and a doctor informed. The Carer’s turned up whilst they were there and tried to leave without performing their role, the crew stopped them
from leaving. I think this was all reported and built a picture. This was all within 4 weeks of being told she had capacity by the discharge person at hospital who assessed her without reference to family. We had organised falls alarm and I visited most days, more by necessity than choice, I have own elderly parents and I found it difficult and very stressful and sad too. She has put on weight in the nursing home and the worry has gone.

Juneday. Your poor mil. It seems everything has to come to crisis point before anything gets done. At least she safe and content now, that’s my dream 🤞 I’ve just phoned the hospital she has been moved again, now in a rehabilitation centre on the hospital site, good job I rang or it would’ve taken ages to find her tonight 🙄
It so so stressful. I feel for you with elderly parents too it takes it’s toll. Take care.

@Limetreee so sorry to hear this. Using words like “ unsafe discharge” and “v high risk of readmission” can be helpful with discharge teams.

A little bit off piste … Tena incontinence pads disposal - I thought I had found a charity to take 4 boxes 2 packs per box unopened that the NHS don’t want back! But it has gone quiet. I have one more person who might be able to help as he managed some care homes. I noticed on Gumtree a lot of people offering un opened packets cheaply so if anyone needs to buy some it is worth a look. Equally any ideas as to whom to give 4 boxes to? The nursing home have taken as many as they can store!

can’t bear the shocking waste that is an NHS cost of taking them to the tip

@Juneday Foodbank? Are these the smaller discreet ones or great big huge ones?

I donated incontinence pads to my local foodbank. They were very grateful.

@Limetreee I can vouch for 'unsafe discharge' being a good phrase to use. My dad was in hospital for 5 weeks earlier this year, was discharged on a Saturday night and fell again within 30 minutes of being home. Definitely an unsafe discharge and I told them so!

Thank you. It seems you have to get on board with the jargon. The SW has text to say I’ve to have a meeting next Monday. Apparently the local authority carers are happy to support me with mums discharge ? Wish they would say what they mean it’s just a load of riddles !

WhatHaveIFound. I’m sorry to hear about your dad, I think this happens regularly. My mum was sent home after spending three months in rehabilitation after she fell and broke her hip. She was home a couple of hours when the physio called in to see her, she couldn’t even stand she sent for an ambulance had had her re admitted. Poor mum she’s been through so much.

@Limetreee that’s a start at least, have questions ready and all good advice in the thread. When hospital rang DH to say MiL was going home he asked if the Carers would be there to meet her and she laughed. He said well I can’t be there and my wife is away until late afternoon. Are you going to wheel a confused old lady and dump her in the middle of the room? And yes she thought that was acceptable. As it happened on the day they delayed the discharge which we discovered on ringing and were able to meet her. 🤞. 15 mins later the Carers arrived, I don’t know if that was planned or not. But useful so that we could ask what else they needed etc.

Juneday. It seems we have to be one step in front all the time. They,meaning the hospital and SW just seem to assume I know what’s going on when in actual fact I know nothing !
When I went to visit mum yesterday, not one carer came to say hello or acknowledged me at all. When I noticed all the other ladies had their own clothes on I asked if I should bring mum some clothes she must shrugged her shoulders, must just said don’t bother, I can’t stand up long enough anyway to put them on.

I've just come across this thread which would have been very useful to me a few years ago.
I was wondering from the intro whether you realised that groups genuinely take cockroaches into care homes? My daughter does this every day 😂
I've attached a photo, cropped for privacy!

Thanks, the NHS are under so much pressure right now.

My dad was finally discharged to a care home and it's really been the best thing for him. He's been there 3 months now and although he's fallen around 8 times, the nursing staff are on hand to check him out. Thankfully there have been no more hospital admissions.

When hospital rang DH to say MiL was going home he asked if the Carers would be there to meet her and she laughed. We made sure Dad didn’t have his key and that the hospital knew this. They drew the line at dropping 95 year old in his pyjamas in the garden in the middle of winter.

when he did come home, it was bedlam. Two teams arrived within 15 minutes, the person in charge of carers, and the OT. Equipment arrived during the rest of the afternoon, carers started that evening (Friday) and Meals on Wheels Monday.

@Cockroachmum Why? What do the residents make of it? My dad would take it as evidence that the kitchens were infested.

That’s a beauty, by the way. A giant compared with the one that hitchhiked home with us from a cheap apartment in Greece.

Hey, you’re not having us on! Took me a long time to find - for ages, the only non-pest control cockroach visits to care homes references coming up were to us but I finally got pictures of a care home visit on facebook. I’ll pass it to our manager. She’s already had llamas and ducklings this year.

@Cockroachmum good to see you! Great erm… enrichment for residents! As none are left behind!

They are Madagascan Hissing cockroaches, I think. One lived in our airing cupboard for a month after it escaped! As far as I know the residents love them. I've sent the link to this thread to my daughter so someone may reply. They do sometimes gets requests not to take snakes or tarantulas, usually because one of the staff has a phobia.
Our local care home had a Shetland pony come to visit & they took it upstairs in the lift 😂. Mind you, it shamed itself on the beige carpet!

@Cockroachmum the care home MIL was in had regular Shetland pony visits. DH suggested I take my horse (looks like the love child of Black Beauty and My Little Pony) but he would definitely have shamed himself and is well known for his trumpeting farts so best not.

@countrygirl99 my FIL also has some of those attributes not the Black Beauty / My Little Pony ones

Hello all, I've just found this thread and am posting for the first time having read numerous threads on the Elderly Parents board over the past few months. I'm pretty sure my 81 y/o Mum has Dementia. Lockdown did her no favours and I feel accelerated what would've developed later. She was completely independent before lockdown. I'm an only child, 47, have 2 children (11 and 13) and work - thankfully part time with a Friday off else I don't know how I would've managed. I live an hour's drive away. Currently awaiting memory clinic appointment after GP visit last week, have POAs in place already and now have own bank card for Mum's account (previously i was incurring costs and she'd reimburse via cheque but this eas becoming unmanageable). Meals on Wheels in place for past month (she was no longer heating up ready meals) and are going well though, often as not, she only eats half of an already smallish portion! Personal hygiene isn't what it was - she has a particular aversion to hair washing. No longer uses washing machine, gas hob (though may be a blessing!), living room fire (does use central heating), vacuum cleaner. Her short term memory is zilch! A gradual decline has really accelerated over past couple of months. She doesn't think there's anything wrong. It's a depressing situation since it's only going to get worse. I do all her admin, organising appointments, shopping etc. Just here for advice and experience as time goes on.

Welcome@HibiscusIsland1 to the friendliest thread no one wants to be on. Ask away.
Does your dm have attendance allowance/ reduced council tax due to dementia diagnosis? Have heard admiral are v good if in her area.

Welcome @HibiscusIsland1. It sounds like you’ve put some of the essentials in place already. Next step may be a social care assessment to see how your mum is managing at home and whether carer support will help? I live a couple of hours from my mum with dementia and knowing she’s checked on 4 times a day is great for my peace of mind. They also helped with mums personal hygiene as she was getting a bit whiffy but in denial.

yes yes to all the admin, shopping, organising, house maintenance etc. it’s never ending isn’t it!