hospice called to tell me my dad's breathing had changed?

[falstaff1980]

The nurse who called didn't want to say anything more though. Searching on the internet it seems breathing does change in the last hours or days. I'd like to be with my father at the end, but how can I know how long he's got and how to manage if I'm there in his room for days? Or perhaps I should just keep visiting twice daily as I normally do, and ensure I get enough rest to be better able to handle the days after he passes. Background is he went into the hospice last Thursday, after two horrendous days of attempting to care for him at home (after he left hospital), last time I saw him drink a sip of water was Wednesday night, and hospice say they've not given him anything other than end-of-life drugs (no fluid drips or anything), he just sleeps all the time. I was lead to believe we could go three days without water, but my dad is going on for 5.

[Whataretheodds]

Go now.

[Pottomous2]

Go now to the hospice and take their advice when you get there about what to expect next.
sending hugs OP.

[OhComeOnFFS]

I'm so sorry. I would go now - she wouldn't have called you if she hadn't thought you'd want to be there now.

[RatherBeRiding]

It sounds like Cheyne Stokes breathing and I'm sorry to say it is a well known indicator that end of life is very near (could be hours, or at most a few days).

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTheVaricoseVeins]

Definitely go now. The nurse is telling you without telling you that it’s time.

[trevthecat]

I'm so sorry, its time to spend time with them.

[troppibambini6]

Fil breathing changed at about 6.30pm and he died at 1am.
Go now xx

[Bakedbeansandtoast]

Go. I work with end of life patients. It's time I'm afraid.

[Mistandmellowfruitfullness]

Go now. I hope you're able to hold his hand and comfort his peaceful passing 🙏

[Sisterpita]

Go now. They can’t say more but usually they know when the end is near.

Sorry you are going through this.

[Sunshinenrain]

@SoLongAndThanksForAllTheVaricoseVeins

Definitely go now. The nurse is telling you without telling you that it’s time.

I agree.

She’s saying it in a delicate way.

Go and spend some time with him, as it probably won’t be long now.

But if you need to leave and then he passes away, do not feel guilty as many people choose to wait until their loved ones have gone before they die.

Thinking of you 💐💐

[namechangedforthisnone]

Please go now.

[TheShellBeach]

The nurse is telling you that there isn't much time left, OP.
You should go now.

[CloudPop]

Another vote for go now. Best wishes OP.

[Grumpyold]

Yes go now. I don't know would what they can't be more straightforward and of course there's no definite timescale to be put on it, but they know the end is very close. For DH it was about 12 hours.

[Grumpyold]

@Sisterpita

Go now. They can’t say more but usually they know when the end is near.

Sorry you are going through this.

Yes with DH, I sat and chatted with him for a bit about what a wonderful life we'd had together and then told him to go when he was ready. He went within minutes.

[Lookingforasilverlining]

If you want to be with him when he dies go now. But it still maybe hours yet. It’s not something which can be predicted.

[Plump82]

Agreed, go now. That's exactly what we were told with my dad. We were very lucky in that we were allowed to sit with him 24/7 but we had been popping home over the week he was in the hospice and when the nurse told us about his breathing we knew the time was soon. Hope you're ok. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with.

[IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism]

I spent the last 60 hours of my mum’s life with her, in the hospital and then in her care home. Her breathing changed a bit about 4 hours before she died, and then profoundly in the last half hour, but it can vary of course.

During the waiting time my brother and I slept on a recliner in shifts and went outside for air when the carers were washing her. My DH brought food and drinks for us. It was hard, but we just lived through it.

💐for you.

[falstaff1980]

then please someone give my strength, because I'm not sure I can cope with witnessing this happen to my dad.

[TheShellBeach]

@falstaff1980

then please someone give my strength, because I'm not sure I can cope with witnessing this happen to my dad.

Sending you strength and my love.

[PauliesWalnuts]

You can do it. The hospice care team will make sure he isn't in any pain and will look after you too. Sitting with my parents when they died is the most profound thing I've ever done, and I'd do it again tomorrow. I was 23 when I did it for my mum. You're holding his hand on his last journey - it'll be the making of you, I promise.

[Sunshinenrain]

@falstaff1980

then please someone give my strength, because I'm not sure I can cope with witnessing this happen to my dad.

If you do not want to see him pass away, then don’t go.

Or go and say goodbye and then leave.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be there when someone dies and in the nicest way they don’t even care as they’ll be at peace and already know that they are loved.

Please do not feel guilty for not wanting to see him pass away.

[helpfulperson]

You don't have to witness it if you don't want. As a PP mentioned many people wait until they are alone anyway. If you want to it is perfectly OK to go in now and say your goodbyes and leave. That's what I did with my dad and I don't regret it at all.

[IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism]

@falstaff1980

then please someone give my strength, because I'm not sure I can cope with witnessing this happen to my dad.

Oh my lovely. You can. It is so very hard and so very sad, but sitting with someone you love as they leave is such an immense privilege. I had no idea.

The hospice staff know what to do and they will help you.