hospice called to tell me my dad's breathing had changed?

[falstaff1980]

The nurse who called didn't want to say anything more though. Searching on the internet it seems breathing does change in the last hours or days. I'd like to be with my father at the end, but how can I know how long he's got and how to manage if I'm there in his room for days? Or perhaps I should just keep visiting twice daily as I normally do, and ensure I get enough rest to be better able to handle the days after he passes. Background is he went into the hospice last Thursday, after two horrendous days of attempting to care for him at home (after he left hospital), last time I saw him drink a sip of water was Wednesday night, and hospice say they've not given him anything other than end-of-life drugs (no fluid drips or anything), he just sleeps all the time. I was lead to believe we could go three days without water, but my dad is going on for 5.

My husband went to the shop and when he came back he said dad's breathing has changed and he wasn't long after that within the hour.
Best of luck to you but if you can't stay say your goodbyes. They can't predict when a heart is going to stop and they can be going strong for a good while.
Hugs.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Go now and spend time with him x

Sending you strength. I made it with 30 minutes to spare when my sister was dying. It's hard to do but I can assure you that you will be glad you were with him at the end

Me and my sibling were called and spent most of the day with our dad when we were called to say he didn't have long (he was in a care home rather than hospice) but he died early the next morning when we weren't there. Its silly it still felt like a shock even though we were expecting it.

for you OP, I hope you get to say goodbye in a way that feels right for you

Sending you a handhold @falstaff1980 💕

You should be able to stay over op if that's an option for you.

Sending love. This is a really hard time.

Go now.

We got the call and our dad died in our arms within 12 hours.

Sending you much love 💐

Holding my dad’s hand as he took his last breath was the most profound moment of my life. Like you I didn’t think I could do it but it was a privilege to be there and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Be strong, sending love 💐

Go now. We got this call for MIL and were only there 5mins before she passed. I'm glad we made it, even if I'm not sure if she knew we were there. I wish they'd called sooner.

❤️ hand hold xx

Sending you love and a handhold.

Sending you a hand hold. I hope you get there in time to hold his hand and say goodbye.

I sat for hours and hours with my Dad while he was dying. They kept saying hours and he hung on for nearly a week. I don't think he wanted to leave us.

But whatever regrets I will ever have in my life, those hours with him aren't ever going to be one of them. I treasure every moment and every memory even if it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Wishing you peace OP

I just want to say OP - I decided to not be with my Dad when he died as I thought it would be even more trauma on top of what had been an incredibly traumatic journey of his final illness. I was at the hospice day in day out for 9 days but when it was clear it was nearly time, I chose to leave. At the time I was told by a family member I would regret it but it’s been 10 years and I never have, even for a second. My Dad knew I loved him and cared for him and I said my goodbyes in a way I felt comfortable with. So if you decide you can’t be there, don’t listen to people who say that’s wrong. At this point your Dad would want you to do what was best for you and best for your grieving process. Sending you so much love xxxx

Sending you love and strength OP xx

Sending love OP. Been there for my mum and it was a privilege - and I didn't think I could do it, but I'm oh so glad I did.

May he go gently.

Please go, I didn't (think I was in denial) and regret it still 13 years later. Hug your dad for me

Stroking my mums forehead as she died will remain one of toughest moments of my life so far. I remember saying to a dear friend the day before ( an hour after I got the ‘her breathing has changed’ call) that I was terrified and didn’t want to go.

I went.

I’m so pleased I did, it was very, very hard but I actually felt ‘lucky’ (looking back on it some time later), that I was there.

But, it’s very personal and whatever happens (if you stay or not), then that is the right thing for you and that’s ok. I’ll be thinking of you. ((Hugs)).

This is absolutely right. Please don't let anyone guilt you into doing what you don't want to do. I said my goodbyes to my mother, as did my son and we left. I made it quite clear I didn't want to be there. No one tried to make me stay. And it was 4 years ago and I would t have done it any different.
It's entirely up to you but a good call to go and speak to the staff. Say your goodbye and then decide.
A big handhold for you a this difficult time.

Had this with a grandparent. They lasted almost 3 weeks. Every day, multiple times a day, we were told they'd be gone within the hour. At a certain point some family members came to the conclusion it was too distressing for them to keep going, and stayed home doing things to support the ones that still wanted to go (e.g. shopping, cleaning, laundry). It's a personal decision. My grandparent was not in a state where they knew who was there or not, they never woke up, just slept. The ones who felt they wanted to be there took it in shifts to stay. Everyone did what was right for them, no one thought differently of them for their decision. In fact, one was encouraged by others to stop because we could see how awfully being there, and seeing the grandparent like that was affecting them.

Whatever you choose I'm so sorry you're losing him, take the chance to do and say what you need to. Sending love and strength x

I was by my dad's side when he died. I knew that he would die, I said goodbye to him but at the same time I couldn't really understand such a thing emotionally. It didn't feel real. But I kept going back day after day because that is what I had done for six weeks. Then he died and I kissed his forehead and told him that I loved him. I walked out the door into a new stage of my life. I grieve him but am also happy. I carry the grief but am not consumed by it. The closest analogy is like a tree which has had a major branch broken off, but it still manages to grow new branches which can flower perhaps even more beautifully. Do what feels right for you

Go to the hospice now. If they have called you to tell you that they obviously think that he might be getting close to the end. If he is end of life care they are unlikely to give him a fluid drip or anything like that, they will be doing regular mouth care to keep his mouth moist but end of life care is generally pain killers, sedation if agitated and basic hygiene care to keep them comfortable.

It’s a tremendous privilege to be with someone who is dying. Yours is the last voice he will hear, and the last love he will feel. It’s hard to say a final goodbye, but you’ll regret it if you don’t go. May he go quietly to rest.

Sending you love and strength at this difficult time ❤️

Sending love and strength x