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Elderly parents
Original poster

Life expectancy sent by email - relative

598 replies

BillStickersIsInnocent · 13/04/2023 11:12

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

OP posts:
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knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:10

BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 20:30

Ok so I’ve seen the parents tonight. I raised the possibility with the father that potentially the emails could be a scam, because they are emails, they communicate specific life expectancy, and the odd details like “top oncologist”.

Father has seen the emails, and has copied them out by hand. The timelines are there - 2 years and then 8 months. The “top oncologist” phrase is there, with the name of the clinician, although not the hospital he is based in oddly. The emails are very generic. Other emails talk generally about meeting for treatment plans. Appointments booked and then cancelled. No email about type, grade or stage of cancer or why the 8 months was decided.

Father is confident that the emails come from nhs.net but he said he didn’t pay much attention to the heading or email address. The email content was in the body of the email, not an attachment.

I‘m not sure what to think now really - I still feel the wording is odd but I think I have to conclude that this is legit. And appalling communication from
the hospital.

Oh come on op. In the nicest possible way, you're being daft now.

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:11

Lapland123 · 14/04/2023 20:50

This is all pure nonsense

Isn't it just.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:13

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:10

Oh come on op. In the nicest possible way, you're being daft now.

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What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:17

Why can't the father show you the emails? He managed to get access to them long enough to copy them out by hand .

KnackeredAF · 14/04/2023 21:17

BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:00

Thanks. Only Dr with similar name is a MH consultant.

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You appear by your practicing name on the GMC register. If the same name that signed the email off isn’t there, they’re not a doctor with a license to practice medicine in the UK.

I am yet to see any NHS trust start using email as a primary means of communication to patients.

In addition, PPs saying that doctors don’t talk about life expectancy so specifically are correct. They don’t. Because they don’t have crystal balls to make such predictions. The only time they imply a short timeline is to sort out a DS1500 for benefits, which is only applicable in last 12 months of life. Even then, they’d say “less than 12 months”, not something as specific as 8. I wonder if the DS1500 is why this email has appeared bearing in mind the criminal background. I wouldn’t be surprised.

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:19

I would explain to them what has been explained to you here. I wouldn't be pussyfooting around either. It might be the end of your relationship, but they may have a think, it's for the greater good and they can't say that they weren't warned.

I'm finding your approach hard to believe if I'm honest.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:27

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:19

I would explain to them what has been explained to you here. I wouldn't be pussyfooting around either. It might be the end of your relationship, but they may have a think, it's for the greater good and they can't say that they weren't warned.

I'm finding your approach hard to believe if I'm honest.

I have explained the facts to them about this type of communication being extremely unlikely, but outright accusing their son of lying about a cancer diagnosis is not something to take lightly. I value my relationship with them and that would ruin it for ever. I have other people to think about too and how they would be impacted. I’m also aware I may not have all the information.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:29

KnackeredAF · 14/04/2023 21:17

You appear by your practicing name on the GMC register. If the same name that signed the email off isn’t there, they’re not a doctor with a license to practice medicine in the UK.

I am yet to see any NHS trust start using email as a primary means of communication to patients.

In addition, PPs saying that doctors don’t talk about life expectancy so specifically are correct. They don’t. Because they don’t have crystal balls to make such predictions. The only time they imply a short timeline is to sort out a DS1500 for benefits, which is only applicable in last 12 months of life. Even then, they’d say “less than 12 months”, not something as specific as 8. I wonder if the DS1500 is why this email has appeared bearing in mind the criminal background. I wouldn’t be surprised.

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The Doctor’s name I have is the one called a “top oncologist”, not the person who signed off the email who doesn’t appear to be a doctor. I can’t find them either though.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:30

Sorry @KnackeredAF meant to add thank you for that very interesting info.

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Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:31

Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:17

Why can't the father show you the emails? He managed to get access to them long enough to copy them out by hand .

He says he copied them off his son’s phone.

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Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:32

The bottom line is though, as many posters have said, a diagnosis would never be sent via email. Never .

Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:33

BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:31

He says he copied them off his son’s phone.

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Really?

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:34

He hand wrote the emails from the phone?

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:36

He did. I know. He writes everything down.

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knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:38

Why on earth would he do that? Surely he would ask for the emails to be forwarded to him? To be honest you all sound hopelessly naive.

Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:39

knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:38

Why on earth would he do that? Surely he would ask for the emails to be forwarded to him? To be honest you all sound hopelessly naive.

Naive , isn't the word I'd use .

Cfcbaz · 14/04/2023 21:39

That sort of email would not come from an NHS.net account (I work in a hospital) hospitals have their own email email address domin, and the sender of the email would have a generic signature with their name, job title and contact information.
Even so, they would not email as it is not a verified contact.
If they were a 'top oncologist' they would definitely be google-able and will definitely be on the hospital website when searching the department.
I feel really sad that is happening to you and your family members. But the truth is, as likely that it is that this is a big fat lie, all you can do is try to show the family that they are lying and then leave it. You have tried your best to help them see through the lies. Even coming on here to seek advice. It seems like there is not much else you can do. Unfortunately, if after all of this, your family still believe it, you will have to leave them to it. I really hope all goes well for you all ❤

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:39

Why? He doesn’t have a computer or email address.

Please don’t attack me, this is very stressful and I am trying my best in a horrible situation.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 14/04/2023 21:40

Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:39

Naive , isn't the word I'd use .

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Hmm.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:40

Exhibity · 14/04/2023 21:39

Naive , isn't the word I'd use .

Show quote history

Again, please don’t attack me.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 21:41

Cfcbaz · 14/04/2023 21:39

That sort of email would not come from an NHS.net account (I work in a hospital) hospitals have their own email email address domin, and the sender of the email would have a generic signature with their name, job title and contact information.
Even so, they would not email as it is not a verified contact.
If they were a 'top oncologist' they would definitely be google-able and will definitely be on the hospital website when searching the department.
I feel really sad that is happening to you and your family members. But the truth is, as likely that it is that this is a big fat lie, all you can do is try to show the family that they are lying and then leave it. You have tried your best to help them see through the lies. Even coming on here to seek advice. It seems like there is not much else you can do. Unfortunately, if after all of this, your family still believe it, you will have to leave them to it. I really hope all goes well for you all ❤

Thank you

OP posts:
scramblescrabble · 14/04/2023 21:41

What I don't understand is why the father copied everything down, the NHS would have sent hard copies of everything which the son could have shared.

Except none of this real, hence the lack of hard copies.

NooNooHead1981 · 14/04/2023 21:45

My DB was told during his final month of having terminal bowel cancer that he had "probably a fortnight" left by one of the hospice consultants but it was most definitely face to face, and certainly quite vague as they weren't even that sure. At one point, they didn't know if he'd last another week but he then went on for about a month longer.

Ooolaaaala · 14/04/2023 21:47

You have done your best @BillStickersIsInnocent - it’s up to them what happens next - not sure if there is any rush because he’s not ill.

Maybe just keep an eye on it - it’s just a matter of time that he trips up or runs out of road.

You’ve done the bit with the parents can you keep up talking to the son - enquiring ask open Qs etc …. would be odd not to show concern….

But if the son is a liar will he just try to run rings around you.

Strawberrydelight78 · 14/04/2023 21:54

No way you would be told like that in the UK. There are some really convincing scams going around ATM. I seen one this morning. A woman thought it really was her daughter. It sounded exactly like her. Saying she had been kidnapped and they wanted money. If she goes to police she'll die. They got hold of her voice online rehashed it. To make it convincing it was really her. But it wasn't. It has happened before when NHS info has been hacked.