who to spend christmas with?

[incognitoflamingo]

FIL died at the start of the year so it will be MIl first Christmas without him.

We haven't spent Christmas with my parents for 3 yrs due to covid. Normally we alternate years. Year before covid just so happened to be the year with the inlaws.

Ddad is rapidly declining with dementia and we fear it may be his last Christmas.

So, we are due to go to my parents but I feel horrendously guilty about mil. SIL lives abroad and won't be travelling home this year so MIL will have extended family only

Would she come with you to your parents if you got her a hotel nearby? Go up Christmas Eve and maybe have dinner out together maybe at the hotel. She could have a leisurely breakfast then dh could pick her up mid morning, you could all have Christmas lunch and open pressies together at your parents then dh drop her back or arrange a taxi late afternoon/early evening and your mil can put her feet up and enjoy her pick of the Christmas tv. That way no one alone, less pressure on your Dad and your mil has some freedom too.

I have just seen that she has her sister nearby OP, sorry I didn’t clock that in your first post. As long as she has a close family member to be with, that’s all that matters, and I would feel at peace if she was going to her sister’s. If she’s refusing to come, what more can you do?

@Florin ’s idea is absolutely lovely if MIL will agree.

You sound so caring that I think you may be worrying unnecessarily. Your mil seems happy to spend time at Christmas with her sister and family. She probably wants this Christmas to be low key after her bereavement. You should definitely go ahead with seeing your parents. You have offered to take mil. She has declined but at least knows you would include her if needed which is perfect as she will know she is loved and being thought about.

sil is coming over for Christmas next year and will want us all to spend it together so won't get to go to my parents next year either In that case, you go to your parents this year. MIL won’t be alone at Christmas. Try to see her another day over the Christmas perioc

Just tell her you are going to your parents. What are her plans I know you are feeling guilty but your mum and dad are important too.

Adults with children of their own would normally be staying at their own house, surely? I don't understand why adults think it's essential to see their parents every Xmas - & the parents would probably prefer a quiet time alone!
25th is just a day, so if it's essential to see both sides, then visit both on different days over the very long Bank Holiday period.

You know adults with children also want to share Christmas with wider family especially elderly sick parents Christmas is important to them and not just another day.