How often do you see your elderly parents?

[Septemberintherain]

Whether they are just elderly or have additional health/care needs, how often do you see them and do you do much to help them out?

OP I think you need a serious chat with your dad about how it's too much for you and he needs to spend some money. Your mum having more interaction will keep her more active mentally and physically and so out of care for longer. Also look to contact any carers charities near you or adult social care for you to have a carers assessment. The Alzheimer's Society might be able to find a volunteer for some social interaction.

I leave it as long as I can. She’s completely toxic. I do help her from time to time but don’t think she appreciates it. Once every two or three months. I live in the same area . I wish I hadn’t moved back here and want to move away.

2-3 times a year. They live 250 miles away and are in their late 80s. I work full time and am in poor health. I don’t really know what I can do to help. I worry a lot about it. I had to take a week off work recently to help them and I can see this being needed more often.

DM who lives on her own is in her 80s. My sister lives on the other side of the world and rings her a couple of times a year it seems.

One brother (lives walking distance from DM) pops round for half an hour every other week. Other brother lives in same town sees her twice a week for half an hour and does her shopping etc.

I live an hour away and drive through twice a week to spend half a day with her and take her out for a meal and a drive round. Thinking of organising a spare bedroom at ours so she can come and stay a few nights a week - as it hurts me to leave her alone in her flat each time I visit.

Amoebic I would just tell her about your overdraft but I suppose that runs the risk she will want to pay you for care rather than pay someone else.

mum only agreed to go from hospital to respite care because I told her it was for sanity.

Stop I thought it sounded like you were okay with what you are doing, to some extent? Sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick.

No, you were right. At the moment, things are going well. Last year was hard as we had to argue a lot of things out. I get to be the boss of housework and he gets to be the boss of not paying for things. 😉

Oh.

After chatting with mum yesterday, that might happen to me!

but I'm in no position to negotiate, because I've hit the point where I'd much rather live in her home than mine.

she's home in the middle of the week, so I guess I will see how I feel in a couple of weeks. I don't want to be Cinderella but she doesn't want to pay for more help than once a week, she says.

You and perhaps your DH need to have a stern conversation with your Dad. I understand you want to help but he's taking the piss.

Both my parents are dead, as is FIL, but MIL lives about 10 mins walk away. I see her most Sunday mornings for tea and cake. Since she had a fall, DH pops in most evenings on his way home from work. His brother and his wife are virtually retired and do all the practical stuff. My SIL (DH's brother's wife) is a fucking saint. I was apologising to her at the w/e for not stepping up more (I work FT for a probate solicitor) but she said once MIL goes, my time would come 😂

(DH's other brother and SIL live a few hours away but have only been up once in about four years for a family wedding - bastards.)

I live about a mile away and I see my DF several times a week.

Over the past couple of years he's been unwell even though he's only in his early 70's so at various times I've been going daily and providing meals/doing his shopping but he's doing ok now so looking after himself. I take him a meal over if I've cooked a big pot meal, or he comes to us for dinner.

I have to say, I'd see him more often if he wasn't so negative. He's had a huge amount to deal with the last few years and is clearly struggling mentally, but insists he's fine and has turned down counselling/refuses to take anti depressants. So basically I go as often as I can without it badly affecting my own mental health!

Twice a day. I'll be late this morning because I'm messing about on MN. I also think I must have answered upthread long ago. My word, it's only a couple of posts back.