Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! Those of you who have been before will notice the Bad Daughters’ Room is now called the Kumquat Room, and there are a couple of fine kumquats in the Conservatory.

Check also the Stationery cupboard with, among other things, the 🪳emoticon ready to cut and paste.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

I remember (think it was late last year) at a church service that Princess Anne told the Queen that she was supposed to be using her walking stick!

I had a super stressful time yesterday - still trying to sort out mum's finances and logged into her account. I discovered that she has been receiving Attendance Allowance along with her pension. I was sure I had cancelled it but it was still being paid. I phoned the helpline. After queuing for 30 mins I could not get passed security and the person I spoke couldn't help and couldn't tell me what I had got wrong. So another 30 minutes on hold, convinced that they were going to come after me for fraud, fines etc and I got through to someone else who didn't ask me any security questions - just mum NI number and what my relationship was. I explained that the money had been over paid and it turns out that there is a note on the file saying that I called in August to cancel it. So not my fault at all. Still a faff to have repay the money but I am guilt free!

Glad you got it sorted hairbrush.

Mercifully my mum is pretty much obsessed with money/finances. She started her career as a secretary at a well known bank, followed by Chamber of Commerce and then a couple of PA to Financial Director gigs

At the beginning of last year we sat down and I have a spreadsheet of all her accounts, passwords etc.

She also can't abide clutter so on a practical note I'm very fortunate, just wish she was a bit easier to deal with emotionally.

She was checking Google maps last night to see where my holiday cottage is and making ominous noises about the fact that if I'm taken ill it's 'terribly remote'.

In fact it's 30 minutes from the nearest A & E...not dissimilar to home at rush hour.

The thing I absolutely love about the place is that once you're there, it appears that you're in the arse end of nowhere, but it's actually about 10 minutes drive from the nearest village!

Back in a&e with mum yesterday.
She became very ill at 11am. Drs refused an appointment. Emergency ambulance took 1.5 hours.
Mum blue lighted to resus. Scans etc.
Some poor woman actually dropped dead in the triage area. It was awful.
Mum should be in hospital for observation but no beds so sent home.
The nhs in 2022 folks.

@ChiswickFlo you poor thing...and your mum.

Did they get to the bottom of what the problem is so you at least know what you're dealing with?

Thanks.
No.
Scan came back OK. They were happy her bp came down.
All a bit mysterious

She says she's feeling better today.
It was awful. She was in so much pain. She kept saying "I can't go on" and that she thinks there is something "serious" going on.
I've got a hospital appointment on Tuesday some distance away and text my sister to ask if she or my brother could check in mum....no reply.
It's my wedding anniversary today so hopefully dh and I will go out somewhere.
We've cancelled the trip in 2 weeks - she's not well enough to travel.
My main concern is that they don't know what's wrong so she could have another episode next week or next month?

We've been told her colonoscopy won't be done until the autumn at the earliest so I'm going to suggest she pays privately for an endoscopy and colonoscopy...

Before paying privately, contact her gp and tell them she needs a 'fast track' referral, hospital and gp did this with my dad (even though he's since cancelled twice which is another story) and he isn't in pain, hadn't had a hospital admission, just the indicators of something serious were there.

The colonoscopy nhs appointment IS a fast track appointment!!

The nurse was very apologetic but the backlog is horrific

14 weeks not 2 basically

”In fact it's 30 minutes from the nearest A & E...not dissimilar to home at rush hour.” Does that imply you can be at A&E in less than 30 mins outside the rush hour? Wow!

12 minutes baby!

We went to London yesterday afternoon...didn't divulge that to mum and mercifully got away with it.

Another trip to the smoke on Friday but her cousin is coming to visit so that makes life easier.

It's dad's anniversary a week tomorrow...I'm absolutely dreading it.

@ChiswickFlo I hope you manage to have a lovely day today and that you manage to convince your mum to go private. Sorry about your break being cancelled.

MereDint that’s a hard situation, I’m sorry to hear it and I’m thinking of you. I trust you have good RL support that will help you through things. Your DF is well taken care of as you focus on DH and yourself.

Glad your DM has a care place Piste, you too Hairbrush and glad you’re having some lovely visits. I found that even though my DM has minimised belongings in her house over the years, there’s still stuff I look at and think it would be nice for her to have in her care home but although I think her room’s a good size, there’s only room for a very few things from home. I look at what’s left and feel inertia come over me.

Fairy, I stopped saying too much about what I do years back because of the ‘that’s nice for you’ comments, and when I said there was absolutely no reason DM couldn’t go off and do things (she had her mobility and all her faculties then) she would say of course she couldn’t, I had no idea. We’ve never found out why she couldn’t. Re the PoA I got more (certified) copies from the solicitor who drew DM’s up.

I am not a great poster at the moment Minty, just keeping up with work and so forth. It all sounds very tiring for you, things need not to just be endless don’t they. I still have Vietnam-style flashbacks to the careline phone calls.

Here’s to no phone reception exexpat.

MissMarple you have your own life to take care of too. I had fantasies of somehow averting DM’s falls at home by being alert or responding quickly but then realised you can’t stop them like a human safety net, when DM had a significant fall which precipitated her current frailty, she was literally inches away from me. That made me chuckle about the Queen though, I expect Anne and Camilla will be popping on here any time now.

Agh Flo that is tough, like you say the NHS is not what we’ve got used to. I’m happy to pay more tax or state insurance for a good service.

Cockroaches: built to survive the apocalypse🪳

Thank you.
I'm just about to do the school run and then go and see mum.
I'm going to try and convince her to pay privately for the tests.
I'm still no clearer on why she is having repeated blood tests tbh and she's not sure either.

My best wishes to all of you going through the wringer at the moment.

I'm having to step away for a bit, it was a year ago that I found mum outside in a traditional crime scene pose laying in a pool of blood. It was the fall that changed everything, that was the beginning of her last chapter and it was all so hard. I didn't expect that it would affect me this much now but it has done and I need to not be here for a while.

@BinaryDot Thanks. Yes, RL support too. DS is stepping up his visits to me DF, and I’m taking active steps to beef up my friendship support network. Goodness, doesn’t that sound calculating! 😉

@Knotaknitter best wishes and hope you're feeling better soon.

I am really struggling with the run up to dad's anniversary too so thinking of stepping away from t'internet completely this week, but also worried it'll make me feel more isolated.

Take care of yourself x

@MereDintofPandiculation I hope you manage to get the time you need. Good that your DS is stepping up.

I also need to beef up my friendship network and I don't think it's calculating at all. Its been a weird couple of years and I think lots of us are probably feeling like our social life needs a jump start.

@Knotaknitter
Sending love x

Chiswickflo, are they using the blood tests to check liver and kidney function?

No idea...she's pre diabetic apparently but not sure why they keep repeating the others
She's having it re done again next week so I'll ask the nurse

Oddly enough shes very itchy today

I can't see her tomorrow asim at hospital myself and can't drive afterwards.
So I got her some antihistamines and hopefully they'll help...