Jibe, jibe jibe. I have totally had enough!

[Frazzledmummy123]

Sorry, I really need to vent.

I don't have the energy to go into detail about the background as post is likely to be super long as it is. Details are on previous posts. In short, I don't drive and my parents are in their 80s and think when my dad (who has declining mobility) stops driving, I am to get a car and start driving them about.

I am subjected to constant guilt tripping digs and about this, usually along the lines of my mum pointing out in her 'having a dig' voice how family or friend's kids give them lifts 'and so they should after all they've done for them'. Today's was claiming my cousin (who gave them a lift to my aunts house yesterday) said 'he would be happy to drive them after everything they did for him'. Personally I call bullsh*t that this was said and is just another stunt to make me feel guilty and get me driving to please her.

My mum has never driven herself so has a bit of a cheek to be insisting I drive when I don't feel comfortable, and have 3 young kids (2 with additional needs) to look after as well as deal with her behaviour.

She goes on about all they have done for me? First of all, that is total manipulation What they have done for me was always obviously done to use as a weapon for their old age so I do what they want. Secondly, what they have done for me? is give me PTSD by narcissistic behaviour and childish tantrums when madam doesn't get things her way, and an ongoing neighbour dispute which she largely provoked? (I was attacked in the street both verbally and physically by these neighbours, had lies spread about me around the neighbourhood, and police involvement on a regular basis, etc). Yet I am meant to 'owe them' now .

I help with shopping and order things they need online, etc. However I draw the line at driving when I don't feel safe behind a wheel merely to facilitate my parent's desire to stay in an inaccessible house in middle of suburbia (with same neighbours I might add!) and no personal responsibility taken for themselves.

Sorry for the long rant. If you have read his far, thank you . I have tried to talk reasonably to them but all I get is contempt and sarcy comments. If I call her out on her jibes she will gaslight me and deny she was making one . I literally can't do it any more. If the worst she has with me is I don't drive I'd love to see her with a REALLY bad daughter

@MereDintofPandiculation

It really is a bad idea to make up lies. Also, it's unkind here, as the DPs will be worried about her unnecessarily. Also, the lie will be found out when they ask other people if she's ill. (Or she'll have to lie to them too.) In short, it's a bad idea to lie unless you really, really have to. It is in general, but it's an option to be considered. As to being unkind there's not a lot of evidence that DM will be worried about her health, and she isn't showing much reciprocal kindness.

It is not being unkind when you are having to deal with a manipulative and passive aggressive comments on an almost daily basis.

If you have a good relationship with your parent who is not selfish or needy it is almost impossible to understand how hard it can be to deal with.

In my case, being generous with the truth was a last resort. My Mum gets plenty of time and attention from me. The only difference now is that it is on my terms and not her (unreasonable) terms.

Sorry I have just read all your recent replies. Thank you to every single one of you, really do appreciate them all.

I'll try to address some points made, and questions asked...

My parents probably will offer up the money for a car and it's upkeep (I am guessing they think I'll take over my dad's car).

To the person who said they started driving after 20 years and got used to it, I can see your point however for me it goes very deep. I have severe anxiety because of the PTSD and also occasional panic attacks, which makes it difficult for me to drive even if I wanted to. My nerves are shot as it is, so behind a wheel would be a real pressure. Nothing to do with my anxiety/PTSD, but I don't really want to drive anyway so it is the fact I don't want to too which is why I don't drive or intend to start.

I can totally understand why people would suggest me saying I have a medical condition, and I won't deny, I have considered this many times. It is an extreme thing to do and lying doesn't come easy to me, however I am also quite pushed and desperate so I have to admit, I can't rule that out.

Although I am not officially banned from driving, I have an offocial diagnosis of PTSD so I have wondered if I could speak to the doctor about that as it would stop me being able to drive if I wanted to. My parents wouldn't understand and would start pass remarking on that . They laugh when they are told I have PTSD, classic narcissists.

I am trying so hard to hold on to some form of a relationship with them for old times sake (my early childhood). It is getting harder as they, especially my mum, is getting worse with old age and the driving jibes is bullying which isn't acceptable behaviour.

I am trying so hard to hold on to some form of a relationship with them

Why?

@Kendodd

I am trying so hard to hold on to some form of a relationship with them

Why?

I have gone no contact before and it brought about its own problems with wider family, etc. I don't know what is worse.

I have a slightly better relationship with my dad and as he is getting frail I hate the idea of him dying when we are not talking. Yes, I know he is just as bad as my mum but to be honest he is scared of her and would do anything and agree with anything.

My early childhood was happy and my kids love them so that makes it difficult.

The driving thing. There doesn't have to be a good reason for you not to learn to drive. It's ok for you to say ' I don't want to'. Tats enough. You're an adult.

@chellingham

The driving thing. There doesn't have to be a good reason for you not to learn to drive. It's ok for you to say ' I don't want to'. Tats enough. You're an adult.

When you are dealing with manipulative bullies that is not enough.

Believe me, walking away sounds an easy option but done it before and hisnbrought about even more problems. I feel totally trapped