Anyone seen the situation with grandparents... and now dreading the inevitability of it with your own parents?

[LadyWhistledownsQuill]

I've been fairly involved in the care of elderly grandparents, lurching from crisis to crisis, since my mid teens. We're about 15 years down the line now - and tbh the remaining one (who I love dearly) has lived much longer than anyone really expected. I'm an only child of a divorced only child, so I've ended up as second in line for all of these matters, providing a fair amount of emotional and practical support (nowhere near as much as my DF though!) and am under no illusions about the indignities of old age.

My own parents are now in their late 60s, and still in good health, but not getting any younger. I'm looking at them and foreseeing all of the issues that have arisen with my grandparents.

Yet neither of them - particularly DM, who hasn't had to deal with any of it - seem to realise that they will likely end up decrepit. DM is currently choosing between living indefinitely in a third storey flat with no lift, or moving 200 miles away . Upon pointing out that it would mean that I'd be essentially totally unable to provide any form of care or support to her if she was 200 miles away, her response suggested that she assumed she'd be dead before needing any sort of help so she wasn't going to factor in any possible future care needs She's deaf to any suggestions otherwise.

DF is only marginally more realistic, having dealt with the general grimness of elderly care. Yet his response to any suggestion of future-proofing his own home is that he plans to hang himself before he gets to that stage Once DGP passes away - but before rose tinted glasses start to appear - I intend to have some very blunt conversations about him needing to plan for the future.

I'm foreseeing a situation in which I'm an only child with divorced parents, each on opposite sides of the country to the other, and in need of some level of support which I'm not really able to give, each having made it as difficult as possible to help them (DM in particular). None of my friends who are a similar age have had similar experiences with grandparents, so they just can't relate!

@Miasicarisatia

Surely if you are dreading it the obvious thing to do is have an honest conversation with your parents.... does anyone do this though?

It depends on your family — in mine, the 'children' are getting married, having first babies etc, the parents are in their sixties, and still looking after their own parents in their late 80s/90s.

It's a rotten time to think about big house moves! I know sticking your head in the sand won't help, but to be honest, juggling everything is difficult enough without adding more tasks.

And house prices have shot up — my siblings and I have actually all lived at home for periods as young adults and could help with grandparents then, but buying locally will be very difficult.

It depends on your family — in mine, the 'children' are getting married, having first babies etc, the parents are in their sixties, and still looking after their own parents in their late 80s/90s
I suppose that sends a clear message to the ones now getting married and having first babies, the message being that soon as your children are off your hands your parents will step in and take their place, your life will never ever be your own