Helping elderly relative move home - progress and thanks!

[deathbyprocrastination]

I've recently been helping an elderly relative sort out their housing situation and had some terrific support from posters on here but had to have my last thread deleted because of difficult situation that arose with a third party. Anyway, I just wanted to follow up and let everyone know that I'm ok and so is my relative. I was absolutely dreading today and couldn't sleep last night but we went to her home and packed the most important bits of her stuff today and then left it with professional cleaners / clearers to sort out the rest (at eye-watering cost). It's been a rough and super stressful few days but I feel we've jumped a big hurdle today and that things are on the up. The other person/people who were being so unpleasant haven't been in touch again and I'm hoping I won't have any more dealings with them, though my relative will probably still choose to. Mainly this is just a thank you to the likes of @Candleabra
@MereDintofPandiculation
@growinggreyer
@janeexotic
@gazelda
and many more who I haven't mentioned. You're all lovely

How’s your DM doing? You must be feeling rather sandwiched.

@deathbyprocrastination
I’ve just caught up with you! I can’t believe your DA has made these decisions but you are completely right to state (and keep stating) the role you are prepared to play.

Hi everyone, sorry for the slow response and thank you for your messages. We actually went away (well, not very far but away) for half term and DA moved in with DM - with a helper/carer going in for two days. Practically it worked pretty well but I think they are driving each other a bit nuts. Been in to see them on both Saturday and Sunday and they are coping ok. She was meant to come back to us today but has now arranged to stay with DM a bit longer.

No more news on the situation with DA's house. To be fair, she is really desperate to go back I think but inevitably there is no news on how building work is actually going, whether she has full costs etc The work should be complete in 3 weeks according to the builder's timeline but I feel sure it won't be. I have know way of knowing though. The thing is, if I were her, I'd just book into a local bnb for the remainder of the time until the work is done. She has a decent pension and is spending quite a lot on other stuff (buying a lot of nice clothes etc) and not contributing anything to either DM or us for living with us 24/7 so I do think she could afford it, or could stay with one of her local friends. I think, if it drags on beyond the latest timeframe we were given, I'm going to suggest she does that.

@deathbyprocrastination so DA never chipped in with shopping/meals/treats for you guys when you were putting her up all that time and running around after her?

She did get us a couple of takeaways and picked up stuff from the shop now and again but never in any significant / consistent, way (and she gets through a lot of wine, coffee and food!) Thing is, I don't really care about the lack of financial contribution, we're not stretched financially by having her with us and I'd rather she saved the money for the presumably huge amount she's spending on house renovations. The house clearance alone cost thousands. But she has a decent pension and must have saved something through living with other people for 4 months now and so I do think she should be in a position to rent somewhere temporarily if the building work keeps dragging on. Unless she has massively overstretched herself on the building costs and needs to scrap together every penny for that.

How you doing @deathbyprocrastination ? Have you managed to keep you DM and DA in the same household? Hope DA not dragging her heels.

Hi @mum5net, thanks v much for checking in, it's much appreciated. sorry for the slow response. All is ticking along ok. DM and DA still in same household, which works ok for now. A cleaner/carer goes in most days and I'm just around the corner. DM moans about it but it's actually her idea to have DA there. Inevitably the building work still isn't complete. There's talk of it being finished in the next couple of weeks. We're going to be on holiday (woohoo!!!) so I won't be around to help her move. I feel I probably ought to be doing more to make sure everything is on track but haven't been very well recently and just feel at capacity for now. Thanks again for asking. Hope all well with you and yours

OP, Sorry to hear you haven't been well of late but pleased that the holiday is coming. The thing with all our oldies is that it can never go back to the way it was as they almost always become more frail so it's a case of finding the least worst solution. Good for your DM to share the load even though it's not maybe what she really wants.
We've got a bit of 'least worst' juggling going on ourselves, albeit it is my two SiLs in the firing line with MiL. Gently suggesting they should try to escalate the amount of care visits MIL has to the max.
Have a great holiday.