The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

Dint she never sits down longer than an hour. If we watch a film she will take a break to stretch her legs. Now with bad weather, she is walking indoors for 30 mins each morning and evening. She constantly looks at my Fitbit to see what I've done but doesn't want one herself...however, I actually think me having that motivates her - she sees the "active minutes" thing after I've been running and gets very motivated to move! This is one of the small benefits I think she gets from me being around...that and she's discovered BBC4!!

she does cooking, light dusting, laundry, unloading dishwasher etc. She does go up and down stairs a bit oddly but when dad was in hospital, they told us it's actually okay for the elderly to do that - a sort of sideways thing.

she's 80. I think she's okay, mobility wise, for 80 but everyone's different so I don't really know what to expect. Never knew grandparents.

in case anyone needs a laugh, here is something not related to elderly parents. Maybe we could say "alpaca" instead of "cockroach" - is it just me who never uses that?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46933720

Oh Grace what a lovely story. We have two alpacas and I can vouch for the fact that they are gentle, loving, delightful creatures who are surely designed by Disney.

Mum passed this morning. Sitting here now waiting for ooh doc to call back. I'm ok I think just at a bit of a loss for what to do with myself.

We got her home 3 days ago then she gave up - there was always the chance that she would. The DNs have been amazing. There have been some really tough moments but they have held our hands through them and kept mum comfortable and out of pain.

Dh took night shift last night as I hadn't slept since mum had come home. He woke me early this morning and she passed about half an hour after that in her sleep. I've sent dh back up to sleep before dd comes home from dh's ex - she spent day and night there with her half sisters. We'll tell her later.

Thank you so much to everyone here - you have been both therapy and company and the advice I've been given has helped so much.

Cockroach to all

Oh I'm so sorry

Oneday

hugs to you, I'm sorry for your loss.

in case it's of any use, on the day, in the hours after his death, while I was allowed to sit with him, I thought of dad as having perfect peace now and no more suffering

oneday I'm very sorry for your loss, how lovely that she passed away at home.

for you, oneday

🤗sending a hug oneday

Sorry for your loss Oneday.

oneday I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps she knew she was home. You did an amazing thing to get her home. 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺.
Support here whenever you need it from strangers willing to listen.

I’m sorry for your loss, oneday.

agree with sandwich you did a wonderful thing getting her home, I'd want to die at home. hugs to you.

Sorry for your loss Oneday. The club of caring for the elderlies is one none of us wants to join, and then we graduate to the club of the lost elderlies and find the land is sometimes as hard to navigate without them as it was with them. Sending you hugs.

Oneday So glad you got her home. You've given her the best possible death.

in case anyone needs a laugh, here is something not related to elderly parents There used to be a goat inadequately fenced in on wasteground near us - you'd regularly see him wandering around Focus. I miss him. (I suppose he might have been a she).

Dint just so that you know the impact you have on people - you had me thinking about coltsfoot rock yesterday, and about how much I used to like it as a child, but my bastard big brother told me it was made from a colt's foot (hoof) after which I couldn't eat it. Looked it up and learnt it's a bloody herb. Duh (again).

For anyone who fancies a quarter of old-fashioned sweets (including coltsfoot rock).

Dint Focus DIY shop?

Arrgh!! My two weaknesses combined! Online shopping and sweets.

monkey Coltsfoot because the leaf looks like a colt's foot. Very mucilaginous, so used in cough mixture, scientific name: Tussilago , from latin tussis=cough - you'll recall that whooping cough is Pertussis. And for an added bonus - it's an alternative foodstuff for the cinnabar moth caterpillar when they've run out of ragwort - they both contain the same chemical that the caterpillar ingests, making them poisonous and immune from predators. (I view my memory as a fly-paper - lots of stray facts get glued to it at random)

L1minal - that's not my local shop, though the range is very similar to my local's on-line range. Quite happy to pm my shop, but not on the open thread because it is very local, and it's my father's privacy I'm concerned for.

Grace yes, Focus DIY. It was a long time ago.

Dint you is v clever. Am v impressed!

Mere (or dint, sorry, I do 'know' you from the Archers thread but I'm under another name there) - A Quarter Of is just an online shop, I think. I've used it for several years it to get favourite sweets of yore for a few family members.

money Not clever, just blessed with a good memory. Wide ranging but relatively superficial in my knowledge (but I try to keep that last bit quiet )

monkey not money, sorry! And I used preview. There's no hope.