Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

[picklemepopcorn]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

you aren't giving up on her; it's the reverse - you are making sure she gets the most appropriate care going forwards.

I don’t think you are giving up on her. Maybe you are giving up on trying to do everything, at an impossible cost to yourself. It’s a cliche but I’m sure your mum would not want you to continue on that path.

You're not giving up on her. Medical science has improved over my lifetime so that the things that killed my grandparents are now routinely treated by tablets - people live with far greater needs than previously. You are doing what you need to maintain your health - if you collapse mentally or physically a few weeks or months down the line, life would be even more difficult for your mother. So what benefits you benefits her long term.

I doubt whether she would want to be a "burden", or to feel that your heart sinks when you realise it is she who is messaging you.

No-one who has experienced the reality of caring for an elderly parent could possibly think ill of you! You're a far better daughter than I am.

Just chucking some nice news into this thread in the hope that it'll cheer someone else up too. DF (late 90s) has been getting a lot of attention recently, from district nurses, "community matron" offering support which he flatly turned down, MH doctor, physio, and eventually complained he was feeling "harassed", so everyone's taking a bit of a step back. I had a cheerful email from him this morning - "after medical appt, I went to supermarket and used one of their electric wheelchairs to stock up on..." Getting out of the house/independence/willingness to accept help all in one email!

good news indeed dint.

my poor old mum: sent the coroner's office the 10 pages of notes I have compiled since June 7. On the basis of these, they want a pm at a different hospital, so she has to be schlepped across the county for this. I feel bad, I wish she didnt have to have that happen, but actually some of her care was appalling and the current hospital has no idea why she died, so I guess it's important.

went to see funeral director today, as easy as it could possibly have been. have to laugh though, she is getting constant phonecalls from octogenarians who want to donate (hope to my charity rather than the other option we gave) and they are all so far completely useless on the phone... but the woman has the kindness and patience of a saint.

Call, you are doing the right thing. Protect yourself.
Mere, sometimes they do surprise us! Good news.
yolo that sounds hard but what you are doing should improve care for others. Glad funeral director was helpful.
cockroach all. 🍷🍷

yolo Sorry you'e having to deal with the extra fuss around pm.

Tonight, I actually think my brain has fried. DH has to have another colonoscopy on Sun, then appt with consultant on Mon. Apparently biopsy material from the one he had 6 days ago not enough... which worries me rather.

So I send you all very much love and strength for what you and your loved ones are having to endure, and the hugest thank you for the support I've received - you are all wonderful, and no one who is not going through this cannot (triple neg? you know what I mean anyway) have the slightest possible idea... cockroach to you all

@yolofish you and your DH shouldn't have to be going through all this rubbish. I'm so sorry
Cockroach to all

Cockroach everyone. Sending love and support for the bad bits (yolo , callaird, no doubt lots of others) and the actually-not-so-bad bits ( dint ). Some friends of mine had some lovely news today so I'm feeling fuzzy and somewhat more impervious to the dad crap.

Annual leave used up so Dad could attend hearing aid appt this afternoon. Audiologist said not enough time so could he come back on Monday... Mum was lovely for me and we had a nice afternoon so that was good. Hugs to all of you doing great things in difficult circumstances

I just wanted to thank you enlightened, kind and wonderful people for contributing to this, and the previous, amazing thread which I have followed intensely.
Need yolo nota pickle more and many others have given sound legal, social, emotional support and advice from which I and my dparents have benefitted.
My dMum passed away very early this morning after a year of ill health. I was so happy to have the strength to be with her. Your wise words kept me going. 💕🍷

always

So sorry for your loss Always

@alwaysonthepiste ❤️

Sorry for your loss always

so sorry always, it's a strange old feeling.

always I am so sorry.🌺🌺🌺
yolo that is so so hard. Thinking of you and sending a big hug.cockroach all.

Always, sorry for your loss

Just an argh this morning

I can't understand how mum watched a child grow to be an independent woman but still relied on her husband for everything. Now I know why she used to go on at me about what a hard life I'd have if not married. Bizarre. She's currently angsting over a savings passbook and "doesn't believe" the lady on the phone who told her what to do.

Pleased to say a couple of other widowed friends have visited and said to her that she will be fine and one of them said she didn't even spend the night alone the first few weeks but had to get used to it.

for Always.

Hi Always sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you too.
Visited my poor Dad yesterday with my DD, decided to break all the rules and take in some Cadbury's fruit and nut to share with him. Should've seen the cheeky smilie on his face!

always sorry for your loss - hope you're holding up ok.

We've had a not-too-bad week - Dad's PA has finally stopped calling, texting and emailing every 5 seconds, thank god. He seems ok in himself and the flat looked fine when I went yesterday. No major crises this week

At my brother's suggestion I've started keeping a little diary of all the "Dad stuff" I do and it is hair-raising! I sometimes wonder if I'm exaggerating/over-estimating how much work it is (especially when sometimes it's hard to explain what exactly I've been doing) but NOPE. Some days are less full-on than others but when you see it written down it's

So sorry, always.

Normal service has been resumed with my DF - he emailed me last night claiming to have got his legs trapped under his bed and taken several hours to get himself free. Well, yes, dad, if you'd accepted the pendant alarm we suggested we could have got you out of that a lot sooner. This morning's email a lot more cheerful. I'll go round soon on a cake drop.

Can you put me on the cake drop run please Dint?

I had to take DM to a hospital check up this morning. Put a note on her calendar and phoned her last night and this morning to remind her and to ask her to be ready at 9.30am for me to pick her up (she has form for not being ready, still sitting with her rollers in etc). She called me and told me that 9.30 was an unreasonably early time to collect her for a 10.15 appointment. So yes, she wasn't ready and I had to park in the bloody extortionate hospital car park etc. She hasn't been using the drops, so the eye hasn't healed. Which means I have to pick up 2 new presciptions, take them to her house and explain that she needs to use them. And then book more annual leave to take her back for the next bloody check up.

Cockroach all.

Yes! Hurrah! Dad has finally accepted he needs a walking frame.

Today - bought walking frame, made Dad lunch, made dad evening meal, took him to Mum's burial place, put a bed up for him, took dictation for a letter he wanted to write and sat for lots of chats.

Cockroach to all too.