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Elderly parents
Original poster

Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

992 replies

thesandwich · 04/04/2017 09:54

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

OP posts:
Badders123 · 04/06/2017 21:38

Oh edd.....😞
Yep. You have to laugh or you would go under x

Original poster
thesandwich · 04/06/2017 21:59

Cmot- so glad to hear about your dad's legs and the birds😉 .
Nms- last night must have been awful- and I hope the X-ray isn't bad news. DM has found reflexology comforting for arthritic pain- but that is so tough.
Edd- you deserve a 🎖. Hope the move goes smoothly. Badders sounds like you are protecting yourself more.
Take care all.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 05/06/2017 06:34

Edd-GinFlowers for today.

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 05/06/2017 11:05

Yes, humour is essential in these circumstances.

Mother and I had a cordial conversation last night. No mention of the fact that in the last one she was shouting and irrational. As I said, one has to find the funny side.

All digits crossed for you, Edd.

Badders123 · 08/06/2017 10:40

Difficult couple of days...
My 41 year old brother needed a root canal yesterday. He hasn't been to the dentist for about 20 years.
I was out shopping with mum and she insisted I bring her back so she could pay for his treatment (£700)
I promise im not making this up!
This is the same woman who left me at the door of the hospital when I was 19 when I has to have all my wisdom teeth out.
My first op. I was quite scared.
Sigh.
I have to pull back from her. For my own sanity.

Original poster
thesandwich · 08/06/2017 14:20

Oh Badders you couldn't make it up?? It is certainly all the history which makes dealing with the present so hard sometimes. Similar here. Just have to step back and do something nice for ourselves.Flowers GinChocolate

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 08/06/2017 14:23

Oh Badders! You do indeed. What is stopping you?

Badders123 · 08/06/2017 14:43

I took her to the polling station as it was raining
Then I just dropped her off and came home
I prob won't pop in tomorrow...im ill so have an excuse!

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 08/06/2017 20:17

Yes, sometimes we need to add some distance, just to preserve (what remains of) our sanity.

EddSimcox · 09/06/2017 09:06

oh badders that's so shit. do something nice for yourself today.

Mine have moved. Phew. Everyone at home so relieved to have our house back. Mum confused and crying of course but nothing at all would be right. Dad just about coping. I have sorted the utilities, broadband, TV aeriel etc. Phone still not working but should be coming soon. At least they have a mobile. Half the stuff from storage has been delivered, and the house is just about full. I have hired a builder to convert basement to add another toilet and utility room. Need to go to IKEA for a wardrobe (built in at their previous houses) tomorrow. Rest of their stuff will come next week. Exhausting. Good job my boss is flexible and sympathetic!

So, the first night I had them back here for supper but taking them home was really upsetting. So since then I haven't had them round. I've been there every day once or twice to do stuff though. I do need to go round every day really until everything is sorted - but every day forever? what do you think? and how often should I have them round here? I know I'll just have to play it by ear, but I'd be interested in hearing what works for others...?

Badders123 · 09/06/2017 10:03

Well learn from me
Don't go every day

Original poster
thesandwich · 09/06/2017 10:09

Ed you deserveStarStar. Halo but as Badders so wisely said- not every day. Obviously there is stuff to do now but you deserve your own life. Do they need other care i.e. Cleaner etc? It is well worth getting them used to someone else to relieve your burden.
Badders- hope you are looking after yourself.
Hope everyone else is doing ok.... teeens with exams etc. Cake

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 09/06/2017 14:50

My mum was careful never to set up a pattern with her mum. So she'd pop in, or invite her over, but not on specific predictable days. That way she could be flexible with her own arrangements, and wasn't as tied down.

In reality it also meant that she didn't go and see her that often, but that's a different story.

EddSimcox · 13/06/2017 23:24

No visit yesterday. And they seemed slightly better today. Onwards and upwards eh!

Original poster
thesandwich · 14/06/2017 08:02

Great news! Give yourself a break.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 15/06/2017 14:32

My dad has had good news at his medical appointment. The tumour hasn't grown back yet. He does still seem to be getting frailer though, so I don't know if that is from the steroids, the occasional chemo or what.

Original poster
thesandwich · 15/06/2017 16:08

That's great to hear!

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 15/06/2017 16:52

Thanks sandwich! They went to the appointment alone- didn't want anyone with them, as they wanted to make difficult decisions if necessary without being influenced. I think that's code for 'no one being allowed an opinion except DM'! It's hard to sit back as they teeter on the edge of not coping. I see her making poor decisions, and just have to watch. It's like parenting a toddler, with the whole push/pull I'm doing it myself now/spoon feed me dichotomy.

I know how familiar you all are with that, and that you've been managing it far longer than me!

birdybirdbird · 16/06/2017 08:11

That's good news @picklemepopcorn (also great username!)
@badders - hope you're taking care of yourself. Sometimes I'm grateful that mum is so far away.

Mum finally came home from hospital and, as far as I know, the carer is coming twice a day but she's very vague about it. She does seem in good spirits on the phone and has actually expressed interest in my life, telling me about a beer festival in the village. I said I couldn't go (hen do) and she later left me a voicemail saying H could still stay with her if he wanted to go. He politely declined!
Driving up for day to see her tomorrow. Well, H is, I don't drive - pretty grateful for him at the moment!

picklemepopcorn · 16/06/2017 08:45

Beer festival! Tempting! Have a good trip Satuerday, Birdy.

EddSimcox · 16/06/2017 10:35

pickle that's great news, but I'm sorry about the wider situation - it's so hard watching them flailing isn't it.

birdy good your DM is out of hospital. do you think she might be lonely - asking your H to go..? Hope all is well when you see her

My parents now have a town house full to bursting with all their stuff from their huge country pile previous place. It's going to take weeks to get straight, with a lot of freecycle, selling and going to the dump etc. And finding them activities to keep DM busy so she stops crying. And trying to find friends for them. Shame I have a v nearly-full time job (I know, I shouldn't be here rn), and 3 DC, and a failing / working on marriage to fix, and, and...

Sigh. It's just tiring sometimes, isn't it?

How's everyone else doing?

Oldgranny · 16/06/2017 12:11

Well, my old lady I used to look after told me there'd been an earthquake and she'd had a baby ( aged 90 ) 😱

foxyknoxy30 · 16/06/2017 12:44

sometimes i just feel so overwhelmed by it all, and worry myself sick about what the future holds for my poor mum and dad and sorry for sounding selfish myself (still see myself as their child even though i am in my fourties?)

picklemepopcorn · 16/06/2017 13:27

Nothing selfish there!

picklemepopcorn · 16/06/2017 13:29

I'm in my forties, and it's all come on rather fast. Two sides at once in my case. It's not easy when managing your own health and life situations alongside theirs, especially when you don't have the control over the situation. Just a feeling of responsibility allied with powerlessness.

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