Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

Yes, I have made a similar resolve - not about the pillow but about working to make and maintain friendships so that (as far as I can) I don't end up isolated. But I really do expect to conk out long before then.

There are lessons to be learnt from the experiences of our parents.

Based on that, I am determined to remain as active as possible for as long as possible and to maintain a social life independent of DH, so that if he goes first, I will still have a social network.

I will also move to a flat as soon as I cannot manage the house any more. If MIL would have done that even five years ago, we would not have the problems we are having now.

Wise after the event I suppose.

Yes. exactly that. Of course, it's difficult to find time for friends and hobbies when one's already being pulled in so many directions, but I think it's essential. Join the WI now, ladies.

I’ve just called the Age UK helpline. I’m very disappointed that they are not actually interested in giving advice, but in taking all my details so they can mailshot me and ask for a donation.

I’ve also called the Alzheimer’s Society helpline, which is just a recorded message to say they aim to return calls within 48 hours if you leave a message.

Disappointing, but probably an indicator of the size of the problems society is now facing.

SO glad to have found this forum and thread!

My mother has recently had a mild stroke but as it's early days will need care at home which I'm happy to do and I have been given some time off work. Though my job is one of the caring professions, I'm feeling a bit anxious and daunted about balancing looking after mum well, raising my two young children (I'm a single mum) and my career. I've looked after mum before for acute illness but I think I feel overwhelmed as she's now elderly and will need to be hands-on long term. Part of me thinks I'm being silly and should get on with things, I've been given many words of encouragement and support offline but am finding this anxious feeling hard to shake

Hello all and welcome she! Sounds like you have got a lot on- my aim is to try to arrange not do the care....... easier said than done but getting others accepted is key.
This is long term- you must protect yourself and your children’s needs.
Here dm is improving in the lovely care home which serves fantastic tea and cake and she is beginning to rebuild confidence- now I need to sort a care package for when she comes out. Which is not dependent on me. So a bit of a breather and regroup. and to all...

Mum is home now, more or less two months after the fall. She has grab rails at the back door, two perching stools, a new banister on the stairs and free standing frames around both toilets. I was worried about how she would cope but (day three) it seems to be working out ok. The intermediate care place arranged six weeks home care while she worked out how to adjust to her lack of mobility. I don't think they will last until Monday as so far there's not been anything she can't do for herself.

The idea of moving to a bungalow near me is fading now as I thought it would.

My Dad died last night. My sister and I were with him, was peaceful but unexpected as we thought he was improving. He never got to see how nice I made his flat, feel utterly bereft. I donated his corneas, how fucking dare I?? It wasn't my body, so upset.

All my condolences. And best wishes and much strength for the next few days. Donating corneas sounds wonderful, but what a horrid decision to have to make.

My condolences, walking

I'm sorry walking but glad to hear that it was peaceful. Such a shock.

Oh walking I am so sorry but pleased that you and your sister were able to be with him. I hope that is a comfort and that in time you are please with the decision to donate and help someone else - a very difficult and selfless decision. Look after yourself and your family

I am sorry for your loss walking. It was a difficult decision that you made there but it will bring light into someone else's life.

Walking 💐

I am so sorry walking. You couldn’t have done more. support here if you need it. Hope you have got rl support too.xx

Took Mum to see Dad at the mortuary today. Was awful, did not look like him at all. Feeling more traumatised every day. I cannot believe he has gone? It can't be real but it seems it is. We got a sympathy card from my dad's G.P surgery. I am very angry with them for not sending him to hospital sooner, I wanted them too but they wouldn't. I can't help but think it might have made a difference, might have given us more time? I know this thinking is not helping but I can't stop it. Tell me it gets easier...........

Walking I'm coming up on a month and I still don't believe it. I can cope with him not being here today but I can't face up to anything long term. In time I am sure that I will accept what has happened but that time is not now. It does get easier, those first nights were terrible but I'm sleeping better now which means that I can cope better through the day.

Oh walking no one can answer your questions. I am so sorry- no wonder you feel angry. It will get better, but it takes time. Hand to hold here.

Condolences from me too, Walking. It is hard, I think, when there's a niggling feeling that they might have had a better end to their life if the medical care had been better or prompter, but you did as much as you could.

Is it true that I'm only entitled to take 2 days compassionate leave??? There is no way I am going to be able to go back to work next week, no way.

Not sure walking- but book yourself off sick if it is with stress. Thinking of you.

Walking - I think compassionate leave policy is usually for the employer to decide. Gov.uk doesn't mention any particular figure. Perhaps your GP would sign you off?

I'm sorry if this inappropriate after walking's news, but oh god my mother tonight. 35 minutes of moaning, 1 minute of asking about me, 4 minutes of chores before I fled the house. Going to see her every day is like the big black dog on my shoulder... but because she lives 2 mins walk away and my DB 200 miles away I have to go. She could live another 10 unhappy years, and I have to ask what is the point? sorry sorry sorry to all coping with loss.

Yolo Its really tough isnt it.

Walking thinking of you.
And yolo- I hear you! Dm( currently in respite) is normally five mins away and I am beavering away to try and get a care package in place because I will not commit to going every day. There is so much to do anyway and I am trying protect my boundaries. Not easy. Can you insist on other help? Make yourself unavailable