Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

My mother quickly remarried after my dad died. He was only 50. She totally reinvented the life we had previously. I had to sit and listen to her lies, and heaven knows what she said when we were not around.

I could guess though, as he would pass remarks about my brother and myself. , "all that your mother did for you both" I could not contradict her as I would have made mysel look as bad as she was.

He believed she bought us cars, paid for weddings, holidays and did loads of baby sitting.

Mums lies are just stupid and more sadly seemed at some points specifically designed to turn my siblings against me

More from me too, with supplementary .

Do you think that the maternal fibs are a way of evading responsibility and the guilt that goes with it? If they deny that awful things happened, they don't have to think about their culpability.

Anyway, let's not dwell on that. I'm sorry you've had such a bad day, Badders.

I have no idea
My friend says mum doesn't think of it as lying....?

I need a moan.

Just been to do my grans (80 Alzheimer's still living independently) medication and dinner. Bathroom doors jammed solid, fuck knows how long she's been locked out for.

Have mentioned it jamming 50 billion times to my mother, she's done fuck all about it. I have no money to fix my own house never mind my grans and I refuse to do anything with her bankcard or money that's my mams department.

It could of been worse she could of locked herself in, but ffs.

I have a massive family but they are all fucking useless.

That's shit urban
I'm sorry
My sister sounds positively gleeful at being mums POA - in not sure she understands that it's only for use if the donor lacks capability...im sure she thinks she will be able to control mums money (whats left!)

Mortificado is there any local scheme to help the elderly with maintenance issues? I know my builder volunteers for one. Age Concern or Social Services might know.

Need my brothers a joiner and my uncle's a builder.

They are just useless at doing stuff till it's too late.

There wasn't chance to sort any POA before the dementia diagnosis so she won't have carers in and won't get one of those alarm things incase of falls.

It's not a massive deal especially compared to what other people go through it's just annoying all the care has fell to me and mam despite being a huge family.

Just dropping by to top up the supplies of and and take a deep breath before returning to the fray.

May I join in? Long time lurker, but its all happened today. My M I L is currently in hospital being assessed after 18 months of my S I L’s care which has left her dehydrated, massively odoemous and sliding into dementia. SIL apparently thought mother-in-law was alright, although she has not seen a doctor or nurse for nearly two years, no blood tests no nothing. GP came out today and sent her straight to hospital. SIL apparently thought MIL was ‘all right’. No she wasn’t. I am angry beyond belief and DH, who had trusted his sister, is reeling.

Oh crikey time! That sounds awful! You are very welcome- rantvaway here.
Hope everyone else is doing ok- Badders how are you? More? Unborn? Nms?
Calmish here after an intense week of dm having lots of plumbing work.... plumber was brilliant but dm exhausted.

Hello, Time. That's shocking. Have you any idea how it happened? Was SIL in denial about the changes in MIL? Hope good hospital care now can make a difference.

After a day and a half in the Assessment Unit, the diagnostics indicate that MIL has a pulmonary embolism and she has now been admitted. Hospital doc is horrified to find out that there has been no follow-up of an underlying heart condition for nearly 4 years.. Luckily SIL is on holiday and doesn’t have her phone on roaming because it’s too expensive. She is lucky because otherwise I might be tempted to phone her and tell her that she has nearly killed her own mother.

Oh time I am so sorry. I hope she is getting the care she needs now- are social services involved?

Hello everyone for you all, so many difficult situations ...

Some of you will remember my parents selling up and then living with us for five months at the beginning of this year. They eventually moved into a house nearby, which is still 75% covered in boxes and too full to unpack. Anyway, DM has dementia, which is getting worse all the time and Dad is getting a bit desperate. I need to get some companion care in. I've done most of an assessment interview with an agency today, and they are coming round tomorrow to finish it off with Dad and meet mum, check the house is safe etc...

DM is still so resistant to the idea of needing help, even though she is lonely and bored. So, top tips please on making the transition to having a companion around, to minimise the chances of her just telling them to bugger off. .. Thanks everyone

Hello edd good to see you! Your parents situation sounds tough- good luck with the companion. Could you introduce them as a friend of yours who dm must remember? Just popping in for a bit? Good luck.

Good luck edd x
Still nothing from mum but tbh I'm glad - it was half term here last week and ds2 was poorly and I put my back out!!
Luckily dh was off!

So, MIL gets sorted out by the hospital and discharged and SIL returns from her holiday. DH's phone rang this morning and SIL said she thought MIL was having a heart attack and did he have the GP's phone number. She said she'd texted him half an hour before but not had an answer! DH went mad and told her to call an ambulance, as you would. MIL is apparently OK, not heart attack at all, but five hours in A&E for DH waiting to be told that. Not content with neglecting MIL over the last three years, which all came out a couple of weeks ago, SIL's carried on. Turns out that in her capacity as self-appointed full time carer, she doesn't even have keys to MIL's house!

Oh time!!! that is unbelievable! Your poor dh and mil. Can the gp involve social services as she is at risk?

A bump to check in with folk- how are you all doing? More? Badders? Time?

Hi, Sandwich. Thanks for asking.

As it happens, I've had another exasperating encounter with my mother. I'll feel less bad about it later, I'm sure, but at the moment I want to get into the Halloween mood and scream!

Vent away more!! Classic from dm.... we were looking at my wedding pics( anniversary) which have not seen daylight for years..... her first comment....ooh pictures of MEEEEEEE.....

Yes, old age seems to make many people more egotistical. In fact, that was behind today's exasperation - my mother's insistence that everything has to be about her all the time (and then bending the facts so that it is). And breathe.

How many years have you been married? Was this a significant anniversary?

Isn't it like reverting to being a toddler. Few two year olds show much empathy. We are reverse parenting. I dread the end stage dementia and incoherent sounds and total dependency.

But then I was a pretty rubbish mother to babies. (It is a wonder they survived.) I enjoyed parenting teenagers more.

Yes, it is. I don't think my mother has lost cognitive function (although I have occasionally glimpsed things that make me wonder) but there is so much toddler-like behaviour, including terrible tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants as soon as she wants it.

Teenagers get a bad press. I like mine.