Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

Thank you.
I'm feeling rather under appreciated ATM! 🙄😁
I've taken on a new voluntary role (once every 6 weeks or so) and I've contacted work about perhaps going back (they are losing 2 more members of staff and haven't replaced me yet!)
It's not just mum...it's Dh and his attitude too

Well
I've been appointed as secretary to a local church
I've also reapplied for my old job back
So mum and dh can just get on with it

Do your job and the church value you? If so that's great. But please put self care up the agenda too!!!

Not exactly! Well...the kids value me :)
The church job is one I did before dad died.
It's a bit different this time as im not on the board so am ex offico
I have a new exercise regime:)
I'm also thinking of doing an open learn course

And of course you are working loads more hours and if the church needs something your DM can't possibly question it........( tries to look innocent......) use this as a way to break patterns......

MrsMartell08 - glad to hear you are trying to get some balance back, hope you manage it!

Mum finally got a diagnosis yesterday - she has Alzheimer's. No idea what the next step is from here or what the prognosis is. Her mental health support worker started the process for sheltered housing but not sure if we'll now need to look at residential care instead. She's in bits and I'm just shell shocked. I knew she had dementia of some kind but having it confirmed has knocked me for six to be honest.

Birdy...im so sorry x
What a shock for you both...good that she is "in the system" and steps are being taken.
Hugs to you x

Been to dhs aunts today for her 80th. She is quite frail now and her dh even more so but they are just in denial. He had a fall on Monday and the wound looks nasty :(
Very sad.

I'm ok. Haven't heard re job yet. Told dh about both - not telling mum til I need to.

My sister has actually been to see her today. My brother is in the pub busy

Feeling very tired so off for a nap
Love to all x

So very sorry birdy, but as mrs Martel has said she is in the system and getting support. It is a cruel disease. But what a shock. Can she take aricept to slow it down? Take care of yourself.
Mrs Martel- you can always tell your DM church and work begged you to go back.......😁😁😁😁.
Look after yourself and create a void for others to fill.

I think she was told that there were no drugs other than what she's already on - which is not aricept. I wasn't in the appointment, her mental health support worker took her. I really need to speak to her ASAP to find out exactly what's been said in terms of prognosis etc. I'm just worried as the mental health team have been amazing at supporting her, but now she has a dementia diagnosis, they'll no longer be the responsible team and her case will pass to someone else

Hi, can join? My parents live about 3 hour drive from me and my brother. Mum has diabetes and is very reliant on Dad. Both are in their 80s. Dad has been very fit and and well until now but has had a stroke. It sounds like he is doing OK and I will see him later. He will be in hospital for some weeks. I came up yesterday and can stay for a few days. But I work 4 days a week and have 2 teenage daughters. My brother is on his way but he works too. We can manage this week but I have no idea how we will msnage beyond that. Mum is mentally good, but physically disabled. Can only walk a short distance, uses a wheelchair and her diabetes is often unstable. I have literally lost count of how often Dad has saved her life by spotting a hypo. Any useful ideas welcome!

Blimppy...I have no experience with diabetes but surely your mum has a diabetes nurse at the dr practise?
You could contact him/her and ask for advice or home visits?

Well...I've had enough today.
Dh left for a work trip at 6am
Mum phoned me at 8.30 (just as I was pulling up outside Ds2s school) to say she had been to the dr and the dr was sending her to the medical assemsnet unit at the local hospital with a query PE.
Sigh.
So I spent from 9-2 at the hospital whilst mum had various tests then picked Ds2 up from school.
She had a ct at 4 and they have said it's not a PE but an exacerbation of her copd.
She was very breathless :(
She was up all night. Did she phone me or my sister!? No, of course not.
I'm so tired.

I could cry...
Every time I try and back off there is some sort of crisis.

Blimppy...respite care for your mum?
I know stroke rehab can be months (used to work on a rehab ward in an admin capacity)

Sorry you have to join us blimpy. Respite care sounds like a good option- could you ask gp for advice? Or package of care? Age uk may be able to advise.
Mrs m- I am so sorry! You must be despairing. You cannot be responsible for your mum's choices.
Keep that step back. Facilitate. And put yourself first.

@Mrsmartell08

I went to see mum in hospital today and she insisted I take her to the toilet, despite me saying I would get a member of staff to help instead (she's on a frame and needs someone to steady it). I know that she thinks that my role when she gets out of hospital will be toileting her.

Monkey 💐 for you too
I have no idea how this is going to pan out...my sister would have gone in tonight had mum been kept in.
My brother and sil are worse than useless
(To be fair my brother doesn't drive...)
My dh is away now til late weds night (short trip thank god)
My sister's dh works nights
We both have kids
Sigh...ive no idea what I will do if she gets ill in the night...i can't go. Neither can my sister. My brother would have no clue what to do (and is happy not knowing iyswim?)
Ffs
How did my life come to this?

Oh mrs m- does she have an care alarm? She will have to call paramedics. You cannot do it all.

No she hadn't.
No sleep for me tonight....:(

Hello everyone - I have been reading these threads for a long time as I have been caring for my parent(s) and can so sympathise with everyone's frustrations and at the physical and emotional demands placed on you when you are put in this position.

My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2009 when he was 82 and a carer for my mum, who had multiple health issues and was housebound. I was working full time and with some (minimal at times to be honest) help from my adult daughter and my brother managed to take him for his chemo, clinic appointments and then a course of daily radiotherapy, at the same time as supporting my mum at home. He made a great recovery and and I was able to take a step back until my mum had a mini stroke and broke her ankle in August 2013. She went into hospital, then a nursing home and sadly died in February 2014 without ever returning home. Dad insisted on visiting every day which was sweet but, as his sight was failing and he had to stop driving, it was a trying time for us all.

I then supported dad to live at home as he was diagnosed with multiple cancers and lost his sight - I can't tell you how much time I have spent in hospitals over the last three years. I retired in August 2015 and to be brutally honest feel very resentful that I haven't had time to enjoy the supposed freedom as I have had to be involved with dad on an almost daily basis. I have felt that I have been living two lives - his and mine. At the end of May he could no longer cope at home and I managed to get him into a care home, and now he is in a nursing home and nearing the end of his life. Just getting him the right level of care has been a horrendous struggle and it was only yesterday that it finally fell into place.

Sorry for the very long post but just wanted to set the picture, say hello, and join in with this lovely support network, if you'll have me.

Welcome cat- sorry to read your story. You must feel exhausted. Well done for fighting for your parents. I hope you can now take some time for you.
Mrs m- she must get an alarm. Insist. Or can you enlist a man in uniform to insist( always works with DM) she does? It is really not fair on you.

Thank you for the welcome. I can't remember when I last had a dad free day and it doesn't look like it's going to ease off just yet - mobile phones have a lot to answer for. I have also found that even if I don't visit because my daughter or brother are going to, they always ring me afterwards to tell me about it! I loved The Good Daughter article - it really resonated that somehow we are expected to become responsible for our parents. One good thing is that the nursing home will do his laundry.

Welcome cat
Goodness, what a time you've had!
I know what you mean re your time. I'd quote like a day off...
Mum seems much perkier today on steroids
I'm shattered. Think it's catching up with me tbh
So early night and off to bed!

Sorry to just drop in and flap after being awol for a while, but I need a rant. To cut a long story short, my parents went on a cruise despite his condition. Now he has had a big seizure, been air evacuated off the ship leaving mum on her own. She'll be dropped at the next port and need to fly to the city of his hospital. He's really poorly.

I didn't want them to go, because it all seemed so risky to me. Now I'm looking at ridiculous flights to an inaccessible place. She's on her own. My sibs may go, I may stay, but honestly this is just what I didn't want to be worrying about! For goodness sake!! And of course I will never be able to say all the stuff I'm thinking like did the trip make him worse, did she push him to hard, am I going to miss my last days with my dad because of this holiday... &@&@& weep. Poor mum, poor dad.

That's so awful Pickle - much sympathy.

Oh pickle that is awful. Sending strength.