CMOT and SPT However hard it is, your oldies have got what they want, whether Thailand, Spain or staying at home. And it probably would not have been easier anywhere else. Given your in laws inability to agree perhaps the neighbour was not such a bad choice, though the email suggests she is encouraging visits. It can't be easy for her either.
Bob. Yes my mother was never going to be sweet old lady. Oddly the dementia has helped me come to terms with some things in my past, and perhaps allow the children to understand where I came from. The break sounds a good idea. Actually letting rip is not always such a bad idea either. Yes your brother has problems but presumably some capacity to take responsibility. And along with your parents poor medical management of his condition I assume there was a tendency to let him off the hook in terms of personal development. Letting rip also tells you something about where your stress points are and what is too much.
Two weeks won't be enough given what you've been through. Once things became stable I sort of absented myself for about six months, and indeed am so pleased that she now has a carer who has the measure of her. (The carer was away the first week I was away and my mother stopped getting out of bed.) she's back now and so no phone calls! We are in the middle of our first and last (DS is 19) long haul family holiday. It is fab. (Google Tanjung Aru and be envious.. Doubly nice for me as I am returning to somewhere I used to live so a chance to catch up with friends plus again show the children that I used to be more than just 'mum'.)
The BTL seems to be a first world problem, and I felt a bit guilty about moaning. However when I took (with a boiler and washing machine which were 25 years old) over, the agents told me unmaintained rental properties owned by the elderly were a significant problem. Even six years ago my mother was not able to work out how to sign a contract and I used to have to drive 300 miles to get a signature in the right place. At this point DB was claiming she was fully capable of managing on her own. Even now I think it suits him to think property is simply another form of pension and hassle free. Problem is that if you put in the work, returns are a lot better than simply putting the money in the bank. So though if these were my own assets I could make a decision to simply sell, they are not and as Attorney I am legally required to manage investments actively. And indeed am potentially liable should I make any financially poor investment decisions without explicit agreement of other beneficiaries. DB does not want to discuss but instead expects me to run decisions past a Financial Adviser who I assume will need to focus on monetary returns, as the potential liability is then passed to them, rather than on my desire to have an easier life. At some point when my mothers dementia has progressed to the point where there are no further meaningful care decisions to be made, I might dump the lot with OPG and run!