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Elderly parents
Original poster

Responsibility for Elderly Parents? Support thread right here!

997 replies

Needmoresleep · 01/09/2014 09:08

Several of us are on the same journey. Some more difficult than others, some longer than others, but none easy. Feel free to share tears, rants or laughter with others who will understand.

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 13/05/2015 19:19

Funny how the weeks went fast before the exams and slowly now! Think takeaways must do well this time of year. Fingers crossed for the Maths tomorrow. Chemisty here but that isn't one she is trying to pass as basically won't.

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 14/05/2015 11:01

2010 is that the dreaded FP2? DS took it last year. He was very hit and miss but luckily on the day got questions he could answer. In some ways the distraction of exams is good. Yes they are tough, but also forward looking. DC are facing their own challenges and becoming young independent adults. In direct contrast to our poor parents who are going backwards and losing their independence.

What does your DD hope to do next?

OP posts:
twentyten · 14/05/2015 17:35

Hi all. It was fp1 today- dd's school do them in a weird way. She was not feeling well- another cold ?? so we'll see... No more until next weds. She's On the sofa now for a bit.... She wants to do Msc engineering maths at Bristol. Two down..... One she enjoys next week- d2.

ajandjjmum · 15/05/2015 08:02

Needmoresleep - Mum has attended Church pretty regularly since Dad died, but tbh, I think it's been more to fill up her day. She hasn't been able to get there of late - and funnily enough, no-one from the Church (other than existing friends) has been in touch.

twentyten - hope your DD can enjoy a bit of a respite today - although no doubt it won't be for long.

Glad things are moving forward in a positive way for you Sugar.

GP has left it for Mum to decide when she wants to be admitted to hospital. She's pretty stable, but won't get better at home, and has said she will do what GP thinks is best. I'm not good with decisions at the best of times! Seeing the renal chap next week, so maybe we can get some guidance from him.

Rainicorn · 17/05/2015 18:36

Thanks for the support earlier in the week, was very needed. I was exhausted running around so apologies for not replying.

So glad my DC don't have any exams this year. DS1 sat SATS last year and was a stressful week for him as he hates failure. Dreading when he has GCSES.

MIL is now out of hospital and at her new place. She has phoned us a few times, and it has been bliss telling her we can't help and she needs to,press her pendent, which she has been doing. Her carers all seem lovely and have a great way of dealing with her. She is allowing them to come in through the night and has actually pressed her buzzer a few times through the night despite saying she didn't need overnight care.

twentyten · 17/05/2015 19:05

Great news rain! So pleased for you. Now breathe. Restock those batteries. You deserve itThanksThanks

ajandjjmum · 17/05/2015 22:24

Good to hear rain - bit of well deserved 'you' time now!

bigTillyMint · 18/05/2015 06:58

Rainicorn, that's great to hear your DM is pressing her pendant for carers.

I finally persuaded mine to get one in case of emergency, and she has now accidentally pressed it twice at bedtime. On Saturday, the first she realised was a (male) carer appearing in her bedroom!

Stickerrocks · 18/05/2015 21:24

We had a message from Sainsburys this week telling us about a product recall on some ready meals we had bought the in laws, which may contain fragments of metal. We took a pragmatic approach & decided extra iron may help their various blood disorders! No need to feel guilty - DH found all the unbeaten ready meals hidden in the recycling bin (which the council no longer empty since we got them help with their bins). Goodness only knows what they've actually been eating.

Stickerrocks · 18/05/2015 21:24

Uneaten, not unbeaten!

SugarPlumTree · 19/05/2015 18:33

That's great she is pressing the pendant Raincorn , good step forward. Also good that you've been able to persuade your Mum to have one BTM. She must have had a shock when the Carer turned up though!

AJ, when is your Mum seeing the Renal guy?

My Mother has been refusing all meds for a week which explains why she was confused when I saw her last week. GP says she has capacity so yet again back on this cycle . My Brother has been very quiet and I am keeping my distance so think this is a protest about lack of attention.

CMOTDibbler · 19/05/2015 18:47

Oh dear SPT, not what you needed when she was doing so well.

SugarPlumTree · 19/05/2015 19:01

I felt sorry for the Nurse, she had worked so hard to heal her legs and had managed. As she said, yes she doesn't want to be there but none of them want to be there, but she loved watching people out of the window and could tell them all about every man who has walked by!

PMT has reared it's head here so I'm not in the best of moods . Feel resigned and a deep sense of having had enough now. Found a letter we wrote to GP in 2009 the other day voicing our concerns which had been going on for a couple of years before that. It just feels very long now. Sorry, not very cheerful and it will pass, I am just so sick of the whole cycle. In a couple of weeks she will have lost capacity again, will be given meds covertly, will improve, be ok for a little bit then refuse all over again. That's if her legs don't break down or her heart gives up before she loses capacity .

And I know if I went with the Physio we could probably persuade her to resume meds. But I'm not going to, my Brother can play the game if he wants so told CH to email him.

Bloody typical of her, she knows DD has exams, she can't stop trying to manipulate, aarrrgghhh! Rant over, very sorry.

CMOTDibbler · 19/05/2015 19:05

Rant away - your mums manipulation must be incredibly frustrating. As well as your brother, who joins my brother in the knobber category.

SugarPlumTree · 19/05/2015 19:08

I feel better now , thanks - the knobber category did it Grin

twentyten · 19/05/2015 20:07

Oh spt I am so sorry- it is so..... Frustrating. And exams bring their own special stress- trying to keep things calm and anticipate every blip...... There are so many exams for GCSEs. How is your dd finding it? Dd has not been in school today- revising and getting away from the stress transmitters who delight in winding everyone else up.... How are you looking after yourself? Do strawberry laces do it for you? And as for brothers...... I have three whose value is............ But just wait when there is money about..........
SptThanksThanksandWineWine for you. There should be a chocolate emoticon too.........

bigTillyMint · 19/05/2015 20:14

SugarPlum, that sounds incredibly frustrating. Step back and pass the baton to your brother.

DM sounded remarkably unfazed when I spoke to her later on Sunday, but I know she's going to be moaning at me about getting rid of the pendant/keybox when I go up on Monday!

SugarPlumTree · 19/05/2015 21:28

I think maybe you'll have an ear infection by then BTM which makes your hearing a bit tricky at times won't you?!

DD kind of ok thanks TT. She let the Rescue Remedy today so I had to replace that quickly. Geography was pretty disastrous for her today as physics will be tomorrow but I am resolutely focusing on those iin her reach to get her into 6th form doing the courses she wants to do. She is on study leave which I think is better for her, though probably not for me ! Has your DD got many more this week? Can't wait till half term for a bit of a break.

I doubt my Brother aware of current situation with her but will tomorrow when they email him. I only know as rang to suggest they test for UTI as seemed confused last week, it all came to light then. She apparently told GP if the meds that important he could take them. Nurse feels if doesn't resume water tablets soon her legs will flare in not too distant future. Know from the past that once off Galantamine it doesn't take long for her to be all over the place so should lose capacity shortly. At which point my Brother's call as Health and Welfare Attorney.

bigTillyMint · 19/05/2015 21:32

LOL, I wont need to pretend I have an ear infection - I'm as deaf as a post as it is!

Time for your brothers turn, methinks.

twentyten · 19/05/2015 21:57

Hi all! Dd has one tomorrow- a maths she likes(!) So should be ok... We'll see.... Then leaving school on Friday for ever.... Eek!
Tomorrow off with dm to see a pain clinic specialist who can hopefully help- at least we can find out if there are any more options. She has severe osteo arthritis in her shoulder- inoperable but she has tried steroid injections - but little help. I'll try to squeeze in a coffee??.....
Look after yourselves all.ThanksThanksThanks

CMOTDibbler · 20/05/2015 13:01

I hope the pain clinic have some new things to try TwentyTen.

I emailed MNHQ to ask if they were going to do something for dementia awareness week, and they talked me into being the one that did something, so I'm guest post today

twentyten · 20/05/2015 13:10

Thanks cmot! Lovely people- will try magnetic resonance treatment- at least no side effects unlike latest drugs she tried- but daily visits for a week( sigh) so I'd better get a plan... Work is quietish with dd doing exams at the mo but.....
Well done for doing guest post- will go and have a look!!

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 20/05/2015 17:06

CMOT I'm impressed. Not quite MN towers but a big step on the way there.

My mother refused to sign the birthday card for my daughter. She 'could not be bothered'. It was right there in front of her, with a pen. Luckily things are mainly under control so I don't need to give more than I want. However I wish there was a bit more emotional payback from this caring lark.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 20/05/2015 17:14

Smile. Not the greatest writing in the world, but hopefully it'll make someone think.

Mum refused to write on the age appropriate card dad had bought, and instead insisted on a notelet of their town. She did manage to write grandma under duress.

Ds's 9th birthday today, so just eating cake before he takes his new scooter out, then out for a thai this evening.

twentyten · 20/05/2015 17:23

Hi nms and cmot. Birthdays are so hard- dmil got really angry with Christmas cards and tried to send them all back- saying it made more work for her. Aww. ??
Enjoy the cake and Thai! I know what you mean about not getting anything back. It takes so much from us- and we try not let that show. But it takes a toll. And compromises us.
Pain clinic will mean daily appointments for a week- "oh no mum no problem....."