My dear dear dad is dying.

kissmyheathenass · 2012-03-26T20:59:29+00:00

My lovely dad is dying. the nurse asked me if i want a phone call in the night or would i prefer them to wait till morning? How do people cope with the loss? My heart is breaking. I was told to leave him to sleep this evening so i came home. I didnt want to leave him.

OneLieIn · 26/03/2012 22:03

Sorry kiss nothing to say, but big hug.

rubyrubyruby · 26/03/2012 22:05

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crumpet · 26/03/2012 22:09

If you want to be there then do go back if your circumstances permit - don't feel forced out by the home/ hospital. This is a very hard time for you, I'm sorry you are going through this.

smalltown · 26/03/2012 22:09

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laurz75 · 26/03/2012 22:11

My dad died suddenly in Oct 2010 at 79 (when I was 35) and it was just the most awful time....but you will come through it and your heart will ache slightly less as the time passes. I hope you have family to help you through this sad, sad time - that's how I sort-of coped. I have tears in my eyes now thinking of you.
I sometimes still struggle now when I least expect it tbh but it does get easier.
Can you get to be with your Dad in the morning?

chezchaos · 26/03/2012 22:11

I'm so sorry, losing a parent is dreadful, including the not knowing when beforehand.

amillionyears · 26/03/2012 22:12

When this happened to me, I didnt end up getting much sleep, so went back to the hospital at 6am the next morning. None of the nurses minded or said a word.

merlin · 26/03/2012 22:13

When I saw this I had a horrible feeling it was going to be you . (I heard he was poorly via S from N).

So sorry - go and be with him if that's want you want - does he know you are there? If I can do anything/help in a practical way with kids etc please ring me or just if you want a shoulder.

Big hugs - we are thinking of you all and your Dad. xxxxxxxxx

Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:07

Thank u for kind messages.I'm typing on phone so bear wth me.
One of my oldest and closest friends lost her mum last week. We were at school together and have been thru shit boyfriends, geTting drunk, marriage, pregancy, miscarriages together. And now this... Guess its our age!

Sitting in bed dreading the phone ringing is just awful. I can't bear to hear that my dad has died but I also can't bear to see him suffer any longer.

I just want one more chance to talk to him and hear his laugh.

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Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:07

Thank u for kind messages.I'm typing on phone so bear wth me.
One of my oldest and closest friends lost her mum last week. We were at school together and have been thru shit boyfriends, geTting drunk, marriage, pregancy, miscarriages together. And now this... Guess its our age!

Sitting in bed dreading the phone ringing is just awful. I can't bear to hear that my dad has died but I also can't bear to see him suffer any longer.

I just want one more chance to talk to him and hear his laugh.

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bibbityisaporker · 26/03/2012 23:09

Is it not possible for you to go back to the hospital? I am sure they would be understanding of someone staying with him until his time comes.

FayKnights · 26/03/2012 23:13

Oh Kiss, just wanted to send you a massive squeeze. As said above, if you want and can be with him, then do go.

Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:18

You r all so kind. I have asked hospital to call if he deteriorates more. I would love a good nights sleep (haven't had one since last wed). I will go in when I wake up tho - probably before 6 am if I haven't had a call by then. My dads an awkward sod and might keep going for days! Not sure if I can keep going like this tho, I have never cried so much in 45 years.

Merlin, than u for offers of help. I will let you know. Xx

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TheFarSide · 26/03/2012 23:25

I felt like I wanted to be with my mum when she died (or wanted her to know I was there) ... but I was "lucky" that she died only a few hours after we were given the bad news. You have to do what feels right for you.

It's a terribly sad time - my thoughts are with you.

Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:31

I don't want my dad to die alone. But I can't stay with him indefinitely either (its been a week since he had a massive seizure and its been bad news since) - my children need me. They are all very close to my dad (live close and saw him 3X a week approx) and they are upset because they pick up on wots going on.

Also, I am scared he will die in front of me. Even tho I want to be with him, I am scared of the moment of death.

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Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:31

I don't want my dad to die alone. But I can't stay with him indefinitely either (its been a week since he had a massive seizure and its been bad news since) - my children need me. They are all very close to my dad (live close and saw him 3X a week approx) and they are upset because they pick up on wots going on.

Also, I am scared he will die in front of me. Even tho I want to be with him, I am scared of the moment of death.

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Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:32

Bloody phone

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Original poster

kissmyheathenass · 26/03/2012 23:32

Bloody phone

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TheFarSide · 26/03/2012 23:35

You dad has been lucky to see you and your dcs so regularly - I'm sure he knows you love him and won't mind if you're not there at the end.

maybeyoushoulddrive · 26/03/2012 23:39

I lost my dear Mum a month ago. I know what you mean about needing sleep but worried about a call in the night... How far from the hospital are you? Mum was in hospital for about a week (lung cancer) and the last few nights the hospital called about 5:30 am - Mum tended to go downhill in the early hours - and we would race in to her. The last two nights we slept beside her in chairs and were with her when she went. Her death was actually a lot less scary than the treatments she's gone through, she was there one minute and not the next. I'm very glad I could be there holding her hand, it's what's keeping me going now I think.

Sending lots of strength to you, it's a very unfair time xxx

OneLieIn · 26/03/2012 23:39

kiss don't be scared. X

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 26/03/2012 23:51

Everyone's situation is different, and I don't know you.

My dad was in ICU for 12 weeks. The doctors and us as a family decided (I am hazy on the details) it would be best to turn off the life support. I was so tired. I asked them how long it would be and they said hours and painless. I agreed after some pressure to get home and see my DH and DS. I'm only 20 mins from hospital anyway.

I got a call he had passed just after I got home, and honestly I really regret it still. It's been 4 years and I wasn't with him. I know he wouldn't have known, he was morphined to the hilt, but my advice to you is do what you think is right because it has haunted me. I've never told anyone this.

My heart goes out to you tonight. X

fluffypillow · 27/03/2012 00:02

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I know how painful this is for you.

I lost my wonderful Dad a week before christmas 2010, just two weeks before my Daughter was born. I was heartbroken. I am still trying to find a way to cope. Life will never be the same, but must go on. It's so hard. I like to think that, we carry on as a family, not able to do things WITH him, but now we do things FOR him, because he would have wanted us to enjoy life. We carry many wonderful memories with, as will you of your Dad.

Just take one day at a time. Lots of love to you x

maybeyoushoulddrive · 27/03/2012 12:44

Hi kiss just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you x

ssd · 27/03/2012 16:16

hi kiss, I'm so sorry

my dad died when ds was a baby and it truly broke my heart

but I promise you, you will recover

one thing, record your dads voice on your phone or something, I wish I could have done this, one of the hardest things is not being able to recall my dads voice, I'd do anything to hear it again

ssd x