Homosexuality in the Classroom.

[Darcey1]

My daughter is nine. Yesterday she came home from school and said that her teacher had told the class that she was a lesbian. The teacher is about to have one of these civil partnerships and according to my daughter told the class that girls could marry girls and boys could marry boys if they wanted to.It was according to her entirely natural. This seems like corruption to me. I don't want my daughter exposed to this kind of lifestyle.

I am very upset about this and don't know what to do. Am I over reacting? Should the school have warned us that the teacher was going to do this? Do you think I should make a complaint to the school?

I don't forget you're human DP. I'm more aghast that you expect the courtesies to be shown to you that you refuse to show to others. Truly, you have issues.

some of your views are inhuman in this day and age DP

Ah - and now the victim.

Again, true to form.

dp- you seem to have absolutely no scruples about dishing it out and upsetting people all over the place- then to complain that you're somehow being treated unfairly!

My 12 yo ds does the same and it drives me nuts- but then he is 12

It would never, ever occur to me to be sarcastic on MN.

When it comes to relationships and matters that are personal or private, I think it's best to say nothing instead of risking upsetting or confusing or worrying a child. On other matters, like playing a sport, go ahead and mention it, but don't say that playing sport is great fun if there's a disabled child in the room. It's the editorialising that makes the difference.

I attended school in Ireland in the 70s/80s and knew nothing of the personal lives of any of the teachers, some of whom were nuns. (It was a private school) There wasn't a whole lot of give and take of a casual nature between students and teachers -- in fact, a very formal atmosphere was maintained at all times. Yet it was warm, respectful, and a great place where all students could thrive and learn. You don't have to know who's getting married or to whom, or any matters of that kind to feel that your teachers care about you and how you're doing as a student.

No one said you are a disappointment but if your children grow up open and accepting of all the different people they meet you will be.They will have to be straight right wing and never dream of integrating or god forbid having a relationship with someone from another culture/race.They will meet all manner of people at uni and work and might be terrified to introduce you

mathanxiety Wed 25-Nov-09 21:43:04

"When it comes to relationships and matters that are personal or private, I think it's best to say nothing instead of risking upsetting or confusing or worrying a child. On other matters, like playing a sport, go ahead and mention it, but don't say that playing sport is great fun if there's a disabled child in the room. It's the editorialising that makes the difference. "

Really, so how is the PE teacher suppose to cope when my dd is around? Do you imagine that schools which contain a disabled child can never have sports days, or sports competitions or even talk about the benefits of exercise during lessons?

My dd when she was at her worst could have been saddened by watching a teacher walk across a playground, because it reminded her of what she might never be able to do again. If I had allowed her to develop such a miserable grudging attitude towards other people, that is. So what do you think the teachers should have done? Given up walking?

And what about ds whose wrist problems mean he finds it difficult to write. Must no other child be praised for their neat handwriting?

I wouldn't want to raise a child with that attitude.

To go back to the OP.

I think parents have the right to discuss sexuality with their children how and when they see fit. If they (parents) leave it too late, however, they might find out that their children come across situations they are not "prepared for".

Personally, I would have been a little surprised if my 9-year-old dd came home telling me her teacher had anounced she was a lesbian. The upcoming civil partnership puts that into perspective, though - she would tell her pupils about that in the same way that a heterosexual teacher would tell her pupils about her forthcomimg wedding. It is not the same as the teacher making some sort of stand-alone announcement "I am a lesbian" which I would find uncomfortable. I can admit it might be irrational of me to feel that way, but it would strike me as unnecessary information.

What always annoys me about these type of threads is the way anyone whose views do not conform to today's politically correct norms gets so much stick. It isn't wrong to hold a different opinion from the majority, nor to wish to bring up your own children according to your own beliefs.

before you go daftpunk please note that my pinko bleeding heart liberal arse would defend your right not to be banned no matter how much you pissed people on here off to the death.

us leftwing loonies are like that you see.

Now you see I think you can express whatever opinion you like. But if I think it's ignorant or prejuduced, I'm going to express my opinion on it. That's how free speech works. You have an opinion - justify it.

Thandeka I think the issue you couched is the 'kernel of truth' in the OP even if it wasn't stated. And I would suggest that sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander where teachers' making personal announcements of this kind are concerned. Neither heterosexual nor homosexual relationships should be formally announced, imo.

I wonder if you could differentiate between 'being out' and 'coming out'. What does 'being out' mean? Would it entail talking about your personal experiences, during a relationship or sex ed class, or would it mean being able to bring up the subject at other times? And what would this right mean for heterosexual teachers? When it's all boiled down, what difference is there, really between straight and G/L except who is in bed with whom? So what would there be to discuss about being out or how would a teacher 'be out'?

But OP, and DP, what would happen if my dd ended up at school with your dc? Or any other children of lesbian parents? How would you protect your dc from hearing my dd chat about her mums? Separate schools for perv sprog, maybe? (Actually, that sounds quite delightful.)

DP, im not going to attack you or shout you down, because its probably because you dont think you know any gay people so maybe you are imagining all sorts of horrors that your children could be exposed to.

i grew up in a houseful of gay people - my sisters and brother - all bent as a nine bob note!..and although i always from a very early age knew that my sis's partners were more than "friends" it never ever ever entered my head - it didnt "corrupt" me, im not gay, i dont think "exposing" children to difference makes them themselves different or susceptible to corruption!

you simply are what you are. i believe that being gay is in your genes - your not going to corrupt anyone by letting them see all walks of life, i dont agree with lots of things - i can "protect" my kids from them though - all i can do is be honest and open and let them make decisions for themselves - i think thats responsible parenting.
wrapping kids in cotton wool - pretending that gay people dont exist - is making an issue of something that need not ever be an issue.
hope that made sense?!?

Cory I would sincerely hope that your children's teachers would never say anything that would make them feel miserable about anything they are going through. I would hope they would always be encouraged to do their best, and feel cherished in the classroom just for being themselves. And I would hope they would be able to thrive and learn.

But I still don't see why it's so important for the teachers to be making personal announcements to the class. And I don't think it's essential for the educational atmosphere for children to know anything about the teachers' lives.

Mathanxiety, I take it that you are not a teacher. In fact, I am beginning to wonder if you have ever even been in a classroom. Schools are part of a wider community as I said earlier. You don't educate children in a vacuum. Our school has many pupils whose parents themselves attended there and were taught by the same teachers. They bump into them in the supermarket. They see them walking their dogs in the park. Are you suggesting we should all blindfold our children when they are out and about for fear they accidentally get a glimpse of a teacher's private life?

No, again, I am not a teacher. But do I still have your permission to post comments on this thread?

Of course I am not suggesting that children should never, in any way, become aware of a teacher's private life. I object to teachers making announcements about their private lives in school.

Mathanxiety. Noooooo fundamental ground rule in sex and relationship education is nothing personal. Not appropriate to talk about personal sexual relationships and that is there to protect both teacher and student from innapropriate disclosure. But if a kid asks me how do two men have sex I will answer, and have to point out that if you were to list as many possible sexual activities as you possibly can and then look at which can be done by mixed or same sex couples you will find that all (bar tribadism but this doesn't come up in classroom!) can be done by any couple regardless of sexual orientation therefore as I keep saying sexual orientation and sexuality including your sexual practices are different.

Thandeka if there's a rule as you outlined and it's there to protect both student and teacher from inappropriate disclosure, does it only apply in the sex ed or relationship ed setting? If not, what is there to stop a teacher from imparting information based on personal experience in another class? And what is the definition of inappropriate disclosure? Or is this a grey area?

"I object to teachers making announcements about their private lives in school."

So my ds's teacher shouldn't have told them she was having a baby? Should she have mysteriously vanished before the bump showed, then returned as soon as she returned to her pre-pregnant appearance?

It is advisable in teaching any contoversial issue ie. Drugs ed "miss have you ever taken drugs"etc. By having strong ground rules this tries to remove fact it is a grey area though and often down to individual school policy to decide what constitutes appropriate and innapropriate but there have been teachers sacked for talking about their sex lives to students. Unfortunately the subject is one that requires the greatest skillset but also the one that there often isn't proper training for and schools sometimes neglect teaching it properly for a whole host of reasons. But that is a whole other rant and now I must go to sleep!

But as a p.s before I sleep, nothing in legislation to stop a teacher mentioning a private life but any disclosures must be deemed appropriate and that would probably come down to decision of head/ governing body if a complaint was made. In some cases the GTC may get involved.

But ususally if teachers get married, the class knows, a present is given, etc. One of DS1's old teachers invited the whole class to her wedding. I think now that civil partnerships are legal, we can't hide children from them like they are a nasty secret.

The teacher did not talk about sex or drugs. They talked about their partner; this is no more controversial than a teacher asking a child if her Mummy or Daddy was collecting her, knowing that the child was being raised by a straight couple. There is nothing controversial or sexual about it.

Seeker she could have waited for a question to come up about her bump. Of course, it is to be hoped that students would be polite enough to avoid asking personal questions about the changing shape or size of other people, or making any remark about other people's girth. Obviously, if the teacher was taking maternity leave she should tell the students she was going to be away and Ms or Mr Such and Such would be teaching instead. The students would need to know about the maternity replacement.

Now you have to be having a laugh mathanxiety. LOL at Not Mentioning the Bump!!