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Original poster

Why don't most parents get involved in their children's schools?

263 replies

zebraX · 27/04/2005 12:03

Recent travel survey for my son's school -- 30% reply rate by parents.

"Help us identify your child's talents?" survey at same school, 25% response rate (so far).

Latest preschool committee meeting -- 4 commmittee members, plus committee officers turned up (80 children attend the preschool). Which is pretty good compared to

8 people at Friends of the School meeting last night (~300 children at the school), planning FunFair events. They have at least 20 events on, all of them designed to require low staffing levels, due to lack of parental support.

WHY DON'T MORE PARENTS GET INVOLVED, at least reply to surveys designed to help their school and their child's education, help out with fund-raising events???? I just don't understand. I know some people have legit excuses, but do 75-99% of the parents have good reasons for not helping out???

OP posts:
Enid · 29/04/2005 21:12

my dd has a sense of pride in her school - through going to the school and liking it.

I don't have to work there for free to give her that thanks.

I went to the school disco though and I helped behind the 'bar' - squash only bummer

cod · 29/04/2005 21:13

Message withdrawn

Enid · 29/04/2005 21:14

sound!

safe man

I am livin it large

choooooooooooooooon

batters · 29/04/2005 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clary · 30/04/2005 02:22

Agree with puddle that the thread is a bit depressing.
I don't think anyone is saying (I know I'm not) that anyone should have to help in school, or feel guilty because they don't.
But it is a jolly good thing that some people do, clique or no clique.
Our chair of governors works full time and never gets to pick up her kids from school. She obviously attends all our meetings plus committee meetings etc, is also frequently in school with the head and does loads of paperwork at home. And yet I know she also spends quality time with her children and I'm sure makes them nutritious meals etc too. They are certainly lovely kids so she must be doing something right.
Hats off to her. She's fab and tbh tho I hate the phrase I really don't know how she does it.
But anyone who is at the school has good reason to be grateful to her if for no other reason than we have just had to appoint a new head and she did the lion's share of the work.
Most schools have people like this and it's a good thing too. But what I think some of us on this thread are saying is if more peopl ewould help out the burden on the few would be less, which would surely be a good thing.

WideWebWitch · 30/04/2005 07:05

I agree with enid. My ds talks about 'my school' and likes it and feels part of it. But it's not because I run a bloody cake stall occasionally. I find it depressing that the govt doesn't fund schools properly, that's the scandal and depressing thing here imo, not that some (caring, loving GOOD) parents don't fund raise/help with school stuff.

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 07:05

oh Ks lol at the thought of you smilingly saying sorry I can't attend as I am having an affair this morning. Dare you to say it!

I'm all for community spirit in a school. I think the PTA is one way, but not the only way of fostering that spirit. At our school there's a host of charity and social events that aren't lead by the PTA, things like the leaver's evening for Year 6s and their parents, the art exhibitions, the music evening, the christmas play, the sports day - I could go on. You don'thave to join the PTA to build up a rapport with other parents either, IME.

Enid - you must definitley get involved with your PTA if only to insist alcohol is served at their evening social events!

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 07:05

oh Ks lol at the thought of you smilingly saying sorry I can't attend as I am having an affair this morning. Dare you to say it!

I'm all for community spirit in a school. I think the PTA is one way, but not the only way of fostering that spirit. At our school there's a host of charity and social events that aren't lead by the PTA, things like the leaver's evening for Year 6s and their parents, the art exhibitions, the music evening, the christmas play, the sports day - I could go on. You don'thave to join the PTA to build up a rapport with other parents either, IME.

Enid - you must definitley get involved with your PTA if only to insist alcohol is served at their evening social events!

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 07:05

oh Ks lol at the thought of you smilingly saying sorry I can't attend as I am having an affair this morning. Dare you to say it!

I'm all for community spirit in a school. I think the PTA is one way, but not the only way of fostering that spirit. At our school there's a host of charity and social events that aren't lead by the PTA, things like the leaver's evening for Year 6s and their parents, the art exhibitions, the music evening, the christmas play, the sports day - I could go on. You don'thave to join the PTA to build up a rapport with other parents either, IME.

Enid - you must definitley get involved with your PTA if only to insist alcohol is served at their evening social events!

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 07:15

I don't want to be involved in the community spirit in primary school that my DDs go to.

We don't really fit in there - married, non-smokers etc.

sobernow · 30/04/2005 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 07:20

that sounds rather sad, ameriscot - what typical types of parents send their children to the school? do you mean a lot of the other parents are single and smoke? I don't quite understand.

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 07:28

We just don't fit in socially. Have no desire to spend time with the other parents - we have little in common and I would rather use our free time elsewhere.

bubblerock · 30/04/2005 07:33

Ameriscot it sounds like you think you are 'above' these other parents just from your comment below and I don't think the fact that people smoke or aren't married makes them any less approachable (I don't smoke and am married BTW)

If they all gave up smoking and got married would they then be worthy of your time?

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 07:40

sobernow, tell that to ks- she's considering a 'having an affair' excuse to avoid school socialising!

All sorts of networking opportinites arise IME at school events. My dh was one of snow white's dwarves in the PTA panto this year. He got chatting to the leading dwarf, as you do, and discovered he was a consultant surgeon specialising in problems of the posterior. Dh's best friend has a mystery illness - very serious and might require a colostomy. Phone numbers were exchanged, the leading dwarf agreed to see dh's best friend to give a second opinion and the colostomy has been avoided.

See, ameriscot, you just never who you might meet at these school events!

Enid · 30/04/2005 07:45

sobernow lolol

WideWebWitch · 30/04/2005 07:53

ha ha ha sobernow! I can imagine, the city you live in can be like that, I know! I used to be the cleaner for a Smallbone showroom in Clifton when I was 17, that's probably the nearest I'll get to one too.

tatt · 30/04/2005 07:56

it amazes me that anyone sends their children to a school where they are unhappy with the social mix. You don't want to be friends with the parents but the children are OK as friends for your children? Even if you prefer to socialise with other people there is no substitute for other parents at the same school to discuss worries about what is happening in the classroom/ find out what the homework was your child has forgotten/ whether that school trip is actually safe/ to share transport to after school events.

One chair of our PTA actually made similar comments to yours, ameriscot. She was doing the job because she recognised the benefits to her kids of not letting that be publically known.

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 07:57

But I could be below them, Bubblerock, and feel equally uncomfortable.

Smoking is a turn-off for me, I'm afraid...

bubblerock · 30/04/2005 08:05

Surely part of life is being able to adjust to your surroundings and interact with different groups accordingly. Do they allowing smoking in the grounds of the school? They don't at ours.

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 08:10

what, you just wouldn't even consider socialising with people if you catch them smoking

How can you be so sure people who are not smoking when you see them are really non smokers, anyway?

Surely at most school events you won't get parents puffing away?

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 08:13

Absolutely, Bubblerock, but that doesn't mean you have to socialise with everyone too.

I already have enough to keep me busy and I don't need to find new friends at my daughters' school. Fine for those who are new to the area and don't get involved in anything else, but the efforts you make to socialise with a group is largely dependent on how much you need them and perhaps the special skills you have to offer.

I do let my children go to birthday parties with their classmates, btw. But I don't go to the family karaoke night .

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 08:18

I just feel very uncomfortable when I see large crowds of mums smoking at the school gates, lighting up the moment their kids get in the cars, steering the buggy with one hand while they puff away...They aren't the kind of role models I want for my children, I'm afraid. Of course, smoking is only an example.

I'm sure this level of unease is my problem though, and not theirs, and it's absolutely no loss to them that I don't include them in my wider life.

bubblerock · 30/04/2005 08:22

I'm not suggesting you make friends with the others, I don't have any friends from my DS's school - I am fairly new to the area and most of the time DH takes DS1 to/from school whilst I stay home with DS2, Of course you pick and chose your own friends but the smoking/married comment I felt was quite inappropriate and these factors do not determine someones social standing.

Ameriscot2005 · 30/04/2005 08:27

The smoking/married comment was to express how I was different to the majority that I see at school and how I wouldn't fit into their clique, not the other way around.

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