Why don't most parents get involved in their children's schools?

[zebraX]

Recent travel survey for my son's school -- 30% reply rate by parents.

"Help us identify your child's talents?" survey at same school, 25% response rate (so far).

Latest preschool committee meeting -- 4 commmittee members, plus committee officers turned up (80 children attend the preschool). Which is pretty good compared to

8 people at Friends of the School meeting last night (~300 children at the school), planning FunFair events. They have at least 20 events on, all of them designed to require low staffing levels, due to lack of parental support.

WHY DON'T MORE PARENTS GET INVOLVED, at least reply to surveys designed to help their school and their child's education, help out with fund-raising events???? I just don't understand. I know some people have legit excuses, but do 75-99% of the parents have good reasons for not helping out???

But I would hate to do any of those. If the school genuinely needs the money, which it probably does given the current state of underspending on education, they can have a cheque. But I don't want to be roped into a 'fun' atmosphere just because the actual financial element has to masquerade as Jollity.

I am now absolutely dreading September if it means I've got to do things that I spent my own schooldays strenuously avoiding.

No, really, it's fine once you get your head round it. For example, a summer fair: the kids love it, and they get to tear round the playground with all their friends. You stand on a stall in the sun, chatting to your friend who is doing it with you, and being brought nice cups of tea by some other mum/dad. Occasionally you say: "That's 20p, please" and give change if necessary.

Meanwhile dp is in charge of saying no to the children as they run from stall to stall spending their inheritance.

mi - don't worry - I avoid everything and give money when I can

I deal with volunteers all day at work without having to do it at dds school as well.

some people enjoy all that - great, let them do it.

I agree MI, if you don't want to do it, don't. I don't and I'm not remotely ashamed of it. I do give money when there are requests and I'd happily make an annual donation if our PTA suggested it but I won't do it either for all the reasons I've mentioned. Be ready to say "I can't, sorry" though if someone asks you. You don't have to give a reason, so you could just say that and smile.

motherinferior with the exception of donating things to the school I'm not wild about any of it either. However the children used to adore fetes -the oldest is outgrowing them now - and I enjoy watching them enjoying themselves. I'm afraid we don't have enough money for large cheques but even if I could do that my kids would be missing out if I didn't get involved. I don't see that as a "clique" since any new people are promptly welcomed and put to work

Most schools have something like a 100 or 200 club where you donate a set amount and maybe win some back. At our school the donation was £10 per year but you could always give more. One kind family gave us £500 once It was appreciated but probably rather less than the person who took the entrance fees for the fete.

particular types of person are 'helpers' and 'volunteers' it is a personality trait IME

not necessarily a mark of laziness/lack of commitment is what I am trying to say

just read the songs they are fab

I LOVED fetes as a child - and will certainly be taking DS to any that the school holds.
I am a volunteer-er by nature, and enjoy getting involved with community initiatives - but I know I will be restricted, and don't like the idea that anyone might be guauging my contribution and weighing it up....

Agree with that Enid, its in the genes in my family, my mother was teacher, Brown Owl, church warden etc etc
I'm not quite that community-minded but I do feel "obliged" to be on school Friends Committee for fundraising
It is very time-consuming though and completely understand how people with jobs outside the home don't have that time to spare
Basically I like helping with things that benefit organisations my child is involved in (see Batters post)

I have to be careful as I used to volunteer for everything then be completely knackered - now I try and say no to everything

I have done loads in the past - being chair of a pre-school for a year (one that was faced with closure too if no funds were raised) was pretty hard work. I put a lot of energy into that, in the days before I discovered mumsnet and had a LOT more free time

I help out at DD's school and I find it annoying that it is always the same parents there lending a hand. I wish they could make a rota so all parents helped out at one time or another.
I know its not practical as some parents do work, but they should help where they can.

But isn't your shopping trip research for your career as a lyricist?

Discrepancies in people's stories of daytime activity are immediately interpreted as 'affair' in the smart-Mums-suburb-but-called-a village near me.

You are SO going to be the subject of a scandal - I can feel it coming

It is not just about raising funds - i feel that some schools really lack a community spirit now.
People seem to "busy" to pop along to the school fete for an hour on a saturday, let alone volunteering to help, then the volunteers get disheartened and then it stops. I wasa teacher in a former life, and our "friends of" ground to a halt as events were organised and no-one attended or moaned when they had tried their best.
One of the nicest things they organised was a mothers and daughters disc, and a dads and sons football tournament. It raised money, but also gave parents the opportunity for quality time with their children.
When dd starts school (in roughly 3 years!) they will be desperate to get rid of me!

Message withdrawn

My goodness I've just come back to this thread and found it a bit depressing really.

I totally agree with Fee - it's all about building a community. There is such an obsession with raising money on this thread as if that's the only thing to get involved with. Yes, schools need more money but they also need community spirit.

I don't really see the difference between attending a school/pta-run fete and doing lots of other things we all do with kids we probably would never have done before having them. It wouldn't be my first choice of activity either but there are plenty of parents I like, there's usually alcohol on offer (sorry, no it's probably not the best quality but it's usually ok) and it's great to see the children enjoying themselves with their friends.

It's just another way to show your child that you support the school and that the school is a part of all your lives - much more visible than bunging some money in an envelope. And as a parent who WOTH I welcome the opportunity to get involved and meet other parents - it's harder to do that when you're not at the school gate every day.

MI what about being a parent governor? I have to go to a meeting every half term (about 2 hours), plus a committee meeting. they are usually 7.30 so my kids are virtually in bed by that time. I do an additional hour and a half on a committee once every half term too. there is no enforced jollity but we usually do repair to the pub afterwards.

My local school have fun days and from what i can gather they are popular, and as someone has already said the kids enjoy it. Give them £2 each and let them tear around - you have supported the school and entertained the children for a small fee.
I help out with fundraising for a local animal charity - i spend two saturdays a year running the stall, and collect bits for the stall through out the year. I don't get really excited at the prospect of standing there trying to force people to buy tickets etc, but if i didn't do it, who would. And there is quite a sense of achievment when at the end of the day you count up your money. People say they would rather give cash - but they rarely do.
Plus it will look good on the cv when i eventually get my lardy arse back to work!

Still don't want to go to a 'mums and daughters disco [shudder]'. Strangely enough, I'd rather spend the time doing other things with my children. (Or even without them - heresy!)

Incidentally, why do schools need a community spirit at all? Seriously, why?

Message withdrawn