Why don't most parents get involved in their children's schools?

[zebraX]

Recent travel survey for my son's school -- 30% reply rate by parents.

"Help us identify your child's talents?" survey at same school, 25% response rate (so far).

Latest preschool committee meeting -- 4 commmittee members, plus committee officers turned up (80 children attend the preschool). Which is pretty good compared to

8 people at Friends of the School meeting last night (~300 children at the school), planning FunFair events. They have at least 20 events on, all of them designed to require low staffing levels, due to lack of parental support.

WHY DON'T MORE PARENTS GET INVOLVED, at least reply to surveys designed to help their school and their child's education, help out with fund-raising events???? I just don't understand. I know some people have legit excuses, but do 75-99% of the parents have good reasons for not helping out???

Mufti day = non-uniform day. In exchange for a small tombola item, kids get to wear no uniform. Yet another excuse to raise some funds.

I'm knackered too (Friends meeting finished 9pm last night, baby up 3x in the night, then baby up bright as a lark at 5am). I'm making a supreme effort to be involved. Am not saying everybody should do as I do, I know it's too much for some people, but even just a little bit of help would go a long way.

Sounds like your preschool is over-supplied with helpers, maybe, ks!

Our friends association is threatening to quit (their chair is stepping down in October). I became chair of the preschool (I don't even have a child attending there, and had never been to any of their meetings before!) they were so desperate to have somebody... and then not enough parents turned up for the AGM (even after the staff told them that if not enough parents came that the preschool would close, they needed 25% minimum of parents to elect a new chair, legal requirement that)....

So, the committee closed the preschool the next day, & rescheduled the AGM for the day after that. It took that kind of extreme measure to get enough parents to come along.

Often meetings get set into particular times because the existing members know that they can make those times. These are the people who are committed to helping out. They don't want to vary the dates/times just for the convenience of parents who have never turned up before and almost certainly still won't turn up on a different time/date, anyway.

not involved much with dd1 school. what with everything else atm i cant commit to helping out regularly. want to though.

frogs, your remark about only some parents being cultivated strikes a chord! There is one mum who has plenty of free time and commendably does a lot for the school. However, she manages to make the rest of the parents in our year feel so small and inadequate that she puts some of us off attending as parent helpers. I thought it was just me until I witnessed the group response of about six other mums and dads when this woman staggered in, poorly child over one shoulder, to make sure there was no outing that year that she missed out on. Their faces told me all I needed to know. And her child was manifestly still not very well.
We help wherever we can and as we live across the road are well-placed to supply one parent for any Fete/event set-ups. We are meticulous about paperwork and try to go the extra mile on this as we are mostly not at the school gates at pick-up time.
We also support PTA events. There is an annual treasure hunt/ramble which is brilliantly organised in countryside 25 mins away. Last year we took dd in a backpack, had a lovely day out and were the only parents from ds' year group apart from the organiser .
We do draw the line at dodgy "balls" organised in local leisure clubs though...not our scene

I'll tell you why I don't (and then I'll read the other responses!)

a) I was chair of ds's pre school and worked incredibly hard, it was knackering and thankless. Like you said, 20% of parents did 95% of the work for the benefit of everyone.
b) I don't think schools should need 'friends' actually to raise money. The govt should give them enough money. Radical idea huh? I know, they do need money and therefore 'friends' and P(I)TAs exist.
c) The views of some of the parents at our PTA wind me into a frenzy. If I say what I think I will be universally hated (i.e. I reserve the right to bloody well drive to school if I don't happen to have 2 hours free to do the walk each day - that's how long it takes there and back).
d) I haven't got much time tbh. Dd's asleep now so this is the hour I get in the daytime. In the evenings I have between 7.45 and 10.30 (earlier when dd wasn't sleeping well) to myself, so I've got a lot to fit into that time, inc mumsnet and talking to dp/friends/food. Though maybe I'd make time for something that didn't stress me out so much.

In your example, why do they have 20 events if no-one's interested? The money raised is almost all money from home anyway, (cake sales etc) I'd much rather the school just said 'give us a fiver/quid if you can afford it' rather than getting us to all come to quiz nights/cake sales/other silly things just to raise money.

Yep, I suspect part of my reluctance is a deeprooted memory of Schools The Way They Used To Be, you know, free.

Which is obviously not helpful.

My primary school in the late sixties/early seventies ( ) was always holding PTA and fundraising events, though, MI. My parents had to stump up knitted gonks/rock cakes/half-crowns for these on a regular basis! Bring back the Beetle Drive, I say.

But Marina, they didn't need the money for you know, books then, did they? The PTAs back then raised money for lovely extras, fair enough. Ours is raising money from an impoverished clientele (what's the word, that's not the word I want but I can't think!) for v basic things like books. It makes me cross.

Lol btw at Ks's breaking wrist comment! I would pretend to work full time too I think.

I like to help out at ds1's school where I can but tbh there really haven't been many opportunities. I don't even know if they have a PTA as it has never ever been mentioned. Parents aren't invited into the school to listen to children reading etc. When ds1's class went on a school trip recently there were no letters asking for parents to help out. I don't know if this is because they've got tired of asking in previous years and getting no offers or if they just have enough help already.

I try to help in more indirect ways, eg sponsored events, filling in questionnaires etc.

I'm still on the committee of ds1's pre-school (he left last summer) as no-one else seems to want to get involved. Ds2 will be starting there later this year so I will hopefully be able to get a bit more involved then.

No, that is very true www. Fair point. We are lucky in that our school's fundraising activities are still all for "nice extras"...and also for charity. Ds just raised £50 for Mencap on a sponsored spellathon.

The one time I went along to help set up the harvest display, I and the other two mothers who weren't part of the PTA clique were totally and completely ignored. Literally.

Didn't really make me want to go back tbh.

Ahh but you pay don't you Marina? ( as you know, ahem, I may do when it comes to secondary so I'm not taking issue with it!)

Yes, and I think I needed a reality check on what the state primary sector has to use these funds for

I've been a school governor in the past, so it's not as if I'm not interested in my children's school. I just don't do the helping out in the classroom - cutting things out, listening to children read etc. I have enough of that at home. I also do a lot in the community - run a M&T group, for example. Not all of us have the same gifts...

What I like about the prep school my boys go to is that there is zero expectation of parents' helping in the classroom. I will be spending 4 hours watching cricket this afternoon. Does that count?

I think that's a good point from Ameriscot (my God, this is the second thread I've agreed with you on! ) I was doing some voluntary work with elderly people until recently, and that was my "community-time" donation, IYSWIM. And they were a bloody sight more friendly than DS's school mum's clique.

I would rather just hand over the £20 than run a stall at the fete .

{{Group hug}}, Caligula

I tried really hard for about 18 months to get involved with the PTA at our school, but they just drove me crackers. The fundraising they did (and were so proud of) was really a relatively small figure, and very inefficiently raised. Like others here I would rather hand over some dosh at the beginning of the year and have done with it. They do organise some fun events which have some value to them; but tbh the petty politics and machinations just drove me barmy. The meetings were run in such an unprofessional manner, it just drove me crazy.

So now we find ways of handing over some cash over the course of the year, and spend the time we have helping the school in more effective ways. I listen to readers in school regularly, dh is a governor, does assemblies, and does quite a bit of class teaching too.

Agree with roisin re just handing over a sum of money, tho' agree about 'free school' too. Just can't quite bring myself to bake a cake for the cake stall and then pay to buy it back.

At my kids' previous school I tried to join the PTA. It was very cliquey and the suggestions I made were not even acknowledged by the chairperson. One of the 'regulars' (who I knew out of school) had to repeat what I had said for the chairperson to take any notice!

Needless to say, I didn't return.

And, I have to say, (sorry to any PTA people), that most of the things offered are just not my cup of tea. I don't want to go to fetes in my time on Saturdays. I don't want endless raffle tickets thrust in my face, especially when I'm getting them from Brownies and Guides as well. I resent baking cakes, sending them into school and then having to send in money so that my kids can buy them! I resent having to pay £1 each for non-uniform day so my kids won't feel left out. I resent sponsored bl*dy walks to raise money for school funds.

If it's necessary to support schools with extra money, I would prefer to give a one-off, or maybe termly donation. IMO government should give schools enough money for their needs.

Phew, well that feels better then!