Why don't most parents get involved in their children's schools?

[zebraX]

Recent travel survey for my son's school -- 30% reply rate by parents.

"Help us identify your child's talents?" survey at same school, 25% response rate (so far).

Latest preschool committee meeting -- 4 commmittee members, plus committee officers turned up (80 children attend the preschool). Which is pretty good compared to

8 people at Friends of the School meeting last night (~300 children at the school), planning FunFair events. They have at least 20 events on, all of them designed to require low staffing levels, due to lack of parental support.

WHY DON'T MORE PARENTS GET INVOLVED, at least reply to surveys designed to help their school and their child's education, help out with fund-raising events???? I just don't understand. I know some people have legit excuses, but do 75-99% of the parents have good reasons for not helping out???

My point isn't about social standing - it's about a natural group to fall into for friendship.

But I think there may be a correllation between social standing and smoking-at-the-school-gates and marriage.

There is.

All research shows that smoking has become a downmarket habit. If you look at trends over the last 30 years, the average profile of a smoker has become older, lower income, lower educational attainment than previously. Also, more female than it used to be (something to do with marketing towards women, I think, but that's another topic).

I too am shocked at Ameriscot's comments. I chat to lots of people at school - doesn't mean I'm planning to be best friends with them, but I don't consider it a waste of my time! If I was so concerned that we were different I would certainly be looking at other schools where my children would be happier, or consider opening my mind to the thought that single mums who smoke may have some positive points...

I can't see that smokimng at the school gates and married status are at all linked. Quite shocked that you suggested it!

Ameriscot, are you having us on?

Be shocked then, SM.

But I'm sure I'm not alone in my feelings. And they are similar feeling that those of you who are shocked may have about other parts of life. Look at the NCT thread on _chat for a start "I don't want to be with these people because they do this thing or that..."

Ladies, we are talking about who we naturally would make friends with. It doesn't mean that someone outside of your natural comfort zone has no value as a human being.

Imagine if you have just moved to an area and are taking your children to school for the first time. Which group of mums do you stand near? The group that are puffing away or the group that aren't? I can't imagine that no one notices which is which, and I think that most newcomers would drift towards the group that looks most like them. Rocket science, I don't think so.

Yeah, just my Saturday morning wind-up, Tigermoth.

Personally speaking, I would stand with the group of parents who have children in my son's class. I notice who looks smiley and welcoming.

Thought so, ameriscot!

I was driving in Surrey yesterday and laughing my head off - all the signs said Vote Tory and I really had the surreal feeling that I wasn't in Kansas anymore.

You don't have to make friends with these people, just put up with them for the good of the school. yes the governemtn should pay for books etc, and parents shouldn't have to pay for trips but they don't and never will. Schools therefore need a bit of extra cash for the added extras to the curriculum. If you want to know more about school finances, go to an agm (hardly anyone turns up to these, my old school used to bribe staff to attend with a free buffet!)
Also it is not just about money or fundraising. All too often parents only meet teachers at parents evening and get into the school for chrustmas plays - ry to attend curriculum meetings etc. Sometimes the timing is hard, but remember the teachers that put on these meetings have also had a full days work, and would probably prefer to be at home with their families.

ks, dh is having a great time telling any tory door knockers that we wont be voting for them, and how come they don't come and ask if there is anything they can do for us inbetween elections?

Mind you this is the man who many years ago, living in the Uxbridge Rd is Shepherds Bush, got woken by a group of tories after an 18 hour shift at work to be asked if they could count on his vote. After a tirade of abuse, they scuttled off with him screaming "MAGGIE'S STOOGES!" until they were out of sight!

Concept of community - yes - children tend to thrive on sense of
I like that my dd is part of several different comminuities: school, Brownies, Swimming Club, Sunday school
I feel its good to get as much back-up as possible for learning how to fit in and gasp following rules

ks, are all the mothers really like that? I know you said the odd one or two send themselves up, but really feel for you if all the parents are so uniform in attitude. It sounds like another world.

any good avoiding the PTA stuff but selectively joining in with general school activites ( select some of them at any rate) or do you do that already?

I've just got in to find an acceptance letter from the school down our road. I'm not absolutely sure it's the school where I would ideally want DD1 to go - but I may have no choice. We may not be offered a place elsewhere. And DD1 will make friends (believe me, she will)...and no, tatt, I may not want to hang out with the other parents there.

That's why some of us send our children to schools where we personally are not overwhelmingly happy about the social mix. The good thing is that DD1 is not such a snob as me

Looking back on it, actually, I was pretty crap at community spirit at school, too. I was one of those embarrassments who lack the Right Attitude but are annoyingly good at getting the Right Results.

I've said this before but actually, if instead of baking cakes to make tuppence hapenny for the school, mothers spent the time writing to their LEA/MP to let them know what they think about underfunding in education plus spent time letting major political parties know that underfunding of education matters to them and is an important Vote Catching issue, we might actually not need the committees and teas and tombolas (wtf is a tombola anyway?) and other daft fundraising events.

It's all very well to say 'oh the govt aren't going to give schools any money so we as parents HAVE to help (i.e. give our time/money, i.e. subsidise the school, doesn't sound quite as jolly when put like that does it?) but actually, I think we could all achieve a lot if our energy was used differently and more effectively. But I know I'm in the minority with this view. And it is easier to bake a cake than hassle an MP. I quite resent being told I'm not involved enough because I'm not on the bloody PTA actually.

Cake stalls are great fun for the kids. They can get involved with the baking and/or the eating...
and it's a tradition! I would hate to see it go, even though I am a crap baker & never feel I really have the time, and would far rather donate a tenner & be done with it

Some PTFAs do put the political point forward (I have Damian Green, our local MP, on Contacts) and I have never baked a cake, despite chairing PTFA for many years. My time was better spent doing things I was good at such as bidding for grants and hassling people. It was my choice, and I don't resent others for not joining. I was part of an eclectic PTFA - some people baked cakes and others organised for local celebs to give large amounts of money. I can't stand selling raffle tickets, but would always print them. As a teacher I knew that the government should have provided much more and always lobbied where I could, but I would rather help my kids' school in the meantime by providing extras. At the very least it's a good way to get rid of the bottle of Blue Nun the inlaws brought round at Christmas..

I often wonder how old that bottle of blue nun is. I bet it's been doing the rounds of unwanted gifts for about 15 years.

Yes and it's probably raised £50 for school funds in the process - warning: don't drink it under any circumstance!

That's reminded me that last Summer I ran the bottle stall at our school fair. One of the contributions looked to be a lovely boxed bottle of whisky. As I was putting a raffle ticket on it someting made me look inside and just as well because the bottle had been half drunk I know the person who donated it and she would have died if I'd told her (she does have a teenage son though). I had to bin that one!

Haven't read through whole thread but I no longer help out at all.

For 11 years I was active on primary school parents association (no teachers, they opted out years ago). I have been treasurer, run the book club, ordered school sweatshirts etc. Bagged them and put them out. Been there for 4 discos a year. Help run school fete annually.
Decorated hall at Christmas (took all bloody day because hardly any other parents came to help).

Just got totally sick of the apathy and was getting really angry about it so I stopped too. It is great not to feel the pressure any more.

I feel a tinge of guilt every time a letter comes looking for helpers. There is a fete this month and help is needed on stalls. Thankfully I am working so won't be able to go.

I have 3 boys at the academy and I have deliberately not gone to PTA meetings because I don't want to get sucked in all over again. I agree with WWW - I would rather give money that attend all these fundraising events. Did go to a race night which was good but really poorly attended. The culture is not going to change IMO. The vast majority of parents are just too busy to participate.

When it gets to the stage that you want to scream at parents just dropping their kids off at discos without raising a hand to help, it is time to bow out.