AIBU to hang onto a place at the best state school in the area even though I don't want it, just in case?

[fishnet]

Title says it all really. DS1 has been allocated a space at the best state school in the area. It is massively oversubscribed and some of the other local schools are awful. We don't want the place since he's also been accepted to a very good selective independent school. Part of me feels like I should say we don't need the place so that someone else can have it but then what if economic circumstances change and we need a state school place after all.

What would you do?

No one would act selflessly, but no one would admit it either. That's why your post is stupid.

Just don't wan to be ID'd litchick.
DH is a partner. He has high billable hours. He shouldn't be the one to go but it is small firm and he is not equity.

I do work. For a large law firm and earn as much as he does. We don't rely on one income but we are careful with our money and would not want to commit ourselves to covering anything on my income.

So, this will only work if your DH is made redundant bwtween now and the cut off date (ie before Aug/Sept). You won't be able to keep the place past then.

So is he likely to be made redundant in the next few weeks??

I think some of us have kind of said we would do that same thing - that's certainly what I meant by my post - that's why I said it was a no brainer.

I wouldn't have posted though, because of the obvious potential for flaming and because I would just secretly be doing the best thing for my dc's and sod the rest of the world - sorry, but true.

In Fishnet's shoes I personally would take the great state school place.

But, from what Fishnet has said in all her posts, I think her best course of action is to hold on to both the places until things are more clear for her DH.

Fishnet - I wasn't questioning your motives - quite the opposite.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not even the Easter holidays yet, so there's plenty of time to let them know.

You're putting your child and his interests first. That's what parents do. Stuff being selfish - who else is going to look out for him?

Personally, in your situation, I'd go for the independent school, but if you don't feel able to make that decision yet, I don't see why you should be rushed into it, so long as you do let them know when your financial situation is clearer. I think you said the next couple of months? That still only takes us up to the end of May.

I assume the OP would prefer a private education over state so I'm not sure why an application was made for a state place in the first place.

Salaried partners are certainly more vulnerable atm because most of them are currently earning more than equity partners.

Mollie - presumably because she knew DH potentially faced redundancy?

So, this will only work if your DH is made redundant bwtween now and the cut off date (ie before Aug/Sept). You won't be able to keep the place past then.

So is he likely to be made redundant in the next few weeks??

I guess it depends when the application was made. In our LEA some of the children starting school in Sept applied a year before others - cut off date is 1st May. If ds was going to state school in Sept I would have found out where last week but some of his friends born at the end of April knew this time last year.

I'm just assuming it was the usual deadlines of between November 2008 and Feb 2009 for places Sept 2009.

Well honestly in your situation if i knew we'd know if DH was going to be made redundant in the next few weeks - i'd keep both places open until then.

Sorry if that makes me a bad person but am pretty sure thats what a lot of us would do in the same situation.

I applied at the end of january and found out today that we had a place. We had to accept the private school place last week.

Yes Nabster DH could be redundant in the next couple of months. I did say that. And I also said that I'm not considering just not showing up, I would let them know once we have a better idea.

And yes I sponsor a child in the third world. 2 actually in bangladesh. Costs me £40 a month.

I would try and resolve your dilemma before the end of school year. If your LEA is anything like ours there doesn't seem to be many people there in the summer holidays. Also worth finding out appeal deadlines as it would be helpful to give up the place before then if that is your intention.

I am a parent with a dd currently on two waiting lists for state schools in September and my husband is also a corporate lawyer in a smallish firm. So far he has survived two rounds of redundancies.

I think that you are right to hang on to both places until your own situation becomes clearer.

Any parent is going to be grateful to receive a good state school place right up til the last minute.

good point, axisofevil

You didn't answer my point:

If you had to pay a four-figure deposit to secure the state school place, would you be happy to pay it? If not, then you are def being unreasonable to hang onto the state school place, since you're clearly not that worried about your financial position.

If you are worried enough to stump up the money to keep your options open, then probably quite a few people would hang onto the school place in your position. BUT they would feel a bit guilty and keep quiet about it, rather than publicising it on the internet and expecting everybody to pat you on the back for screwing over another family in order to keep their own child's options open.

Honestly, what did you expect people to say?

well fishnet, I'd do the same, it's called looking out for number one. People might not like it, but that's life. Hope your dh isn't made redundant when it all kicks off.

What would I do? Probably exactly the same, if I'm honest.
What happens if you turn the issue on its head and ask if it's fair to be holding on to a private school place, when you've been allocated a state school. It's fishnet's 'right' as a taxpaying UK resident to apply for, and accept, a state school place. The fact that she may go down another route if her DH's job remains secure is her business. She'd be mad to give up the place. And I don't see the relevance of whether it's a good school or not.
But I wonder if it's the perceived 'attitude' of the post that is antagonising people on here...

I have to admit that we held a place at the local over-subscribed state school even though DS had been accepted and awarded a bursary at a selective independent. At the time we were new to the area and didn't realise that people - admittedly from a nearby town in another county - were desperate to get their DCs in there. If I had known that local children were being deprived of a place, I know we would have sorted things out rather more rapidly.

YANBU - I will be doing exactly the same

Why are you asking? - I think you already know the answer

So did the OP keep the state school place or not?

I think it's a very dishonest thingt o do indeed. f you can afford private, decline the state place. If there is any doubt that you can afford private, accept the state placea nd stop being so silly.

People like the OP who keep hold of a state school place that they have no real intention of using cause unbelievable stress to those of us for whom state schooling is the only realistic option. This time last year my daughter had no allocated school while people ummed and ahhed - the anguish was terrible and it completely upset the birth and first few months of my youngest child's life. It is despicable (and sponsoring a child in the third world does not make it ok ).

fishnet - ask yourself what would you be doing if you hadn't "been allocated a space at the best state school in the area" but had been allocated one of the other "awful" local schools?

I am not judging btw, I think you are being honest. One of our local private schools will be closing at the end of summer term, and there are plenty of parents wishing they had the option of a decent state school as a fallback.