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Education

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Original poster

I am happy with my children's state education but every so often I find myself talking to a 'private education' parent and just feel totally stressed

314 replies

Twiglett · 12/07/2008 17:16

that there is no way my children can have the same quality and range of education and range of experiences and access to extra-curricular activities

poo-bum willy-faced bollox

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/07/2008 18:14
Original poster
Twiglett · 12/07/2008 18:25

I'm not having a go at private education parents .. I'm just commenting on how it shakes my belief that my kids will be ok .. .sometimes

anyhow DS rocked KS1 .. I just worry that the standards are so low that it wasn't much of a challenge

oh fark ... see .. that's not me is it?

OP posts:
Mercy · 12/07/2008 18:26

Reading is the best (and easiest) thing to do imo.

I think if children see their parents reading books, newspapers etc they realise it's an enjoyable thing to do.

And you are keen swimmer iirc? It may not be academic stimulation but it's still a great thing to do.

Mercy · 12/07/2008 18:28

Twiglett, your dc will be more than ok going by what I see you post on MN (about yourself and your dc)

Did you and/or dp go to private school?

motherinferior · 12/07/2008 18:29

Oh yes, and I am very good - I'd say G&T - in Shoutiness.

Original poster
Twiglett · 12/07/2008 18:32

I'm gifted at reading .. and pedantry of course

Mercy that was lovely and kind .. .. I'm just having a jealous moment I think

MI is right though ..we do both have glorious children and we take them to the theAtre dahlinks ... which reminds me MI, summer meet-up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twiglett · 12/07/2008 18:33

DH and I both State Educated .. when state education meant sumfink

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/07/2008 18:33

Absolutely!

gegs73 · 12/07/2008 18:43

My DH went to a very nice private school and I went to a very ordinary state school. We both came out with similar qualifications. Only thing which seems different is that he is better spoken than me, expectations from his teachers were higher and he did it all in nicer surroundings. I think if a child is fairly motivated unless the state school really is awful it doesn't make that much difference. If they are lazy but bright then I do think it can help them.

nkf · 12/07/2008 18:53

It's a toughie but if you can't afford private you can't. Most people can't. Not sure if I have anything helpful to say but jealous moments hit everyone from time to time I think. it can help to take a look at your children and think about how great they are despite not having FILL IN THE DESIRED THING HERE.

Amphibimum · 12/07/2008 19:11

thats me gegs! lazy but (was) bright. damn shame i missed out really

FourArms · 12/07/2008 19:15

I went to a state grammar boarding school, and even then really felt 'poor'. We weren't really poor, but there wasn't the money to go on all the skiiing trips etc. I did very well there.

Then I went to a military school for my A-Levels, and was in class sizes of 2, 3 & 4 for three of my subjects. Came out with a B, D & a U. So it's not all about class sizes. We also had fantastic facilities at that school, and I availed myself of none of them.

iamdisappointedinyou · 12/07/2008 19:41

DD went to a private primary, from where she didn't get into the State Grammar. We decided not to throw good money after bad so we didn't do private secondary. She went to the local comp.
I wasn't particularly impressed with the local comp but since it was our decision to take up state education (rather than the decision being forced on us by lack of money) it didn't cause me that much anguish. It helps if you feel that it is your choice instead of lack-of-choice.
I think it was the right thing to do - she wouldn't have made the most of an expensive private education and I would have resented all that wasted money.

dilemma456 · 12/07/2008 20:21

Message withdrawn

pgwithnumber3 · 12/07/2008 20:39

Having just removed DD1 (5) from private school to state, I was amazed at how much equipment the state school had compared to the private. At the private school they don't have one interactive white board in the whole of the school - they had a school fete to raise the £2000 needed to buy one!

Like psmith mentioned, it is a lovely school with small class sizes and lovely well behaved children BUT it wasn't real life. Real life isn't spending 6 weeks in Florida during the summer holidays, real life isn't having 7 pairs of Lelli Kellys (no lie) and real life isn't going to a grandma's house after school to play in their huge outdoor swimming pool.

Every holiday was a chore as DD got nearly 4 weeks off for Easter, 4 weeks off for Christmas and 8 weeks off for summer.

Stick to your state school, it's the real world for the majority and use the extra money for some lovely holidays and after school activities.

Judy1234 · 12/07/2008 21:09

It's a psychological issue. Some people are always wishing they could give their children more and some are happy with what they have. If you can be content with what you have, be a good enough parent and don't worry about things you can't change then you tend to be a happier and better parent.

My siblings and I went to private schools and the 9 cousins all do too and it is one of the best things I am able to pay for because I made wise career choices and work very hard. Could you look at it another way? What is to stop you starting your own business and earning £100k a year to spend on school fees? Plenty of women achieve that so may be it's just a mind set issue - thinking up your business idea and then going for it or does a state school education lower expectations so much that women think they have no capacity to earn decent sums?

pgwithnumber3 · 12/07/2008 21:12

Xenia, I would love to earn £100k a year running my own business - can you give me some ideas!

southeastastra · 12/07/2008 21:16

from my experience of the state system though they do have a wide range of experiences

southeastastra · 12/07/2008 21:17

blimey why earn £100,000 a year just to spend it on school fees (unless you're a toffo and send them to harrow)

TotalChaos · 12/07/2008 21:19

if they stay in state education all the way they may have a slightly better chance of getting into Russell Group unis/Oxbridge etc.

msappropriate · 12/07/2008 21:23

maybe a state school education can give you an insight and appreciation of other things than money. I always remember feeling far better educated than the thick sloanes that cluttered up my University.

One of the private schools round here can't let the primary kids have playtimes because the local residents have objected to the noise. An ex-colleague worked there and was shocked at the poor teaching. But as long as the children are dressed like extras in Enid Blyton the parents seem happy.

pgwithnumber3 · 12/07/2008 21:26

If my parents sent me to private school they would have wasted so much money, I hated school and left at 15 and was home tutored.

My eldest brother didn't leave school with particularly good GCSEs but has done well and youngest brother is currently studying for his PHD. I am sure they would be in the same jobs had they gone to private school.

Not everyone who is educated in the private system are successful in their chosen careers. I would be devastated had I kept DD1 in private school until 18 and then she became a beautician (no disrespect to beauticians, I am qualified as one myself) - it would have been such a waste.

FairyMum · 12/07/2008 21:32

I think unless you go to a fantastically good private school, private schools are a real waste of money. At least if you are in an area where state schools and just fine. Most of my friends have chosen to send their children private and I don't think they are getting a real return for all the money they invest.

findtheriver · 12/07/2008 21:35

msappropriate - love the comment about enid blyton extras
You make a good point about teaching though. It can be far easier for mediocre teaching to be tolerated in private schools than in state. The inspection system is less robust, and also the children can be more docile and just dont demand better teaching!!

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 12/07/2008 21:37

Twig just be confident in your choice.

We chose ds2 and ds3's private school because we felt it was more inclusive than the local high ofsted achieveing state school.

2 years down the line I'm confident we made the right choice.

THe sentence I'm proudest about in ds2's report is:

"He shows awareness of the needs of the listener and adapts his speech accordingly".

If you've made the right choice for your child then be happy.

PS DS2 and ds3's private school doesn't have great facilities, nor is it any good for social climbing.