I am happy with my children's state education but every so often I find myself talking to a 'private education' parent and just feel totally stressed

[Twiglett]

that there is no way my children can have the same quality and range of education and range of experiences and access to extra-curricular activities

poo-bum willy-faced bollox

I've had a foot in both camps. DD1 was at an excellent private school and did well there, DD2 won a scholarship to the same school which coupled to a bursary would have paid nearly full fees. We chose to turn it down and send DD2 to the local state school. Reason? I got fed up with the whole elitist stuff, the chapel on Sundays, the cliquey feel among the pupils who judged each other on parental income, the regular pupil/teacher sex scandals that seem to be inevitable in any school where adults have children to themselves 24/7, the little bubble these cossetted young people lived in. Extra-curricular activities meant little to DD1 who didn't avail herself of the Olympic-sized swimming pool, the judo club or the model trains shed - she would have much preferred to come home at 4pm like normal children and have weekends off. She hated the private school in fact and is still bitter that we gave her sister the 'advantage' of not going there!

DD2 did fine at the state school and is at Oxford now. I'd like my time back over and go state from the start with both. Oh, I'd go further - I'd like to get rid of private schools and shake all our children up together, everyone going to the local school, no choice, no exceptions, end of story.

dannyb, probably right. The other interesting issue is that children do so well in the South East in exams compared to say the North East. It's partly because a whole load of reasonably well off people are concentrated in Greater London and their children do better in school. Local state comprehensives don't do too badly either compared to some other areas of the country.

I bet if you took every child's A level results here and compared that to another area in the North the grades here are higher whether the child goes to a private school or not.

I'm a Catholic and I would not have sent my children to the local Catholic comps though. My daughter's best friend from Habs juniors had to leave just before 11 because of financial reasons and if you compare her progress in terms of exams and career etc compared to my daughter who was no more clever a massive gulf built up simply because her friend had to leave and go to a catholic state school.

London will never be comparable with the rest of the country, that's true. The Telegraph on a Saturday at the moment picks regions and takes one good state school and one good private in those areas, often countryside etc and some of the exam results are not too different between the sectors.

However I do think you get better added value. In this weekend's colour magazine - yesterday's Telegraph or Times were lovely photos of lots of children on their first day at school and a bit about them and what they wanted to be when they grew up etc. onlyone was going to a private school and there were going to be 8 in his class only.

Xenia

I went to Habs and did well from it so I am more than aware of the advantages but am also mindful of the disadvantages of such a school. Would I have done any worse or missed out if I had gone to Watford Grammar or JFS, I doubt it. Would I have if I had gone to the local comprehensive, yes probably.

However, am I sorry that I haven't put my 5 year old into Habs pre prep or similar? Not on your life. I love that he has the freedom that I never had at primary level, I am never going to have to tell him that he can't do extra activities because he has too much homework and that I am not going to be overwhelmed with homework and exam practice month on month, I love that he's not going to be tested to within an inch of his life each week at school. I love that his friends live within a 2 mile radius of school.

Do I worry that he won't get in there at 11? Yes I do worry and have every intention of sitting him for the Habs / UCS / CITY exams but the more I see of friends who have their children at JFS / QEB / Watford I am seriously wondering if the £85k it would cost me to put him through private secondary would be a wise investment if I have the option of those schools. I think that they'd get 90% of a top private education. I would spend it in a heartbeat if the only options though were the local comprehensives.

I don't remember our children being swamped with homework and music practice and I think there's more testing in the state system with SATS than in private schools.

My 9 year olds this weekend have so far since 4m on Friday when they got home spent 10 minutes doing some practice for a singing exam and one did some homework this morning.

But everyone makes their own choices. Some children go go the wrong school and find it all very hard work because they shouldn't be there in the first place.

I loved the philosophy of Stowe school, I looked it up for another thread. The Head said that he thinks that there should be a league table for 40yr olds to see what they have done with their education and Stowe would come near the top. I wouldn't send my DCs to a highly academic hothouse but I would choose somewhere like Stowe that caters for the whole child and is capable of stretching the very bright.
I haven't got DDs, but there are certain top achieving single sex schools that I would only send them to if they were highly intelligent, looked like model girls, were very articulate and street wise. You have to choose the school according to your DC. I don't even think that you can automatically think the same school will suit siblings-I am talking about the whole state/private range here.

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re Twiglett's OP - but you can still give them the extra-curricular experiences you want them to have. I've been to state and private myself and I loved both.

god is this still going? TBH I lost the will to live once the repetitive posts came on.

ha ha - only just seen the date of your OP

Bloss' post says it all and the answer is encourage your daughters to be high paid professionals or run successful businesses and then your grandchildren can afford to go to good private schools.

oh Xenia do bugger off with your one-dimensionality there's a dear

dannyb I find your comments very interesting as my DSS go to a state primary school in Harrow which is as you describe and it does bother me alot that there is not enough diversity. Nevertheless I am on the whole happy with their school as they are pretty happy there, it is not ideal by any means but I feel that they will do well there as they are both enthusiastic and excited about what they learn there.

One thing I find quite amusing/interesting is that at the DSS' tennis classes most of the kids go to private schools and the first thing the mum's ask me is "which school do they go to?" and "how much homework do they get?". When I tell them there is almost a tone of pity, which is entirely misplaced as I don't think I would send them to private school for primary even if we could afford it

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