Working in a top private boarding school with entitled pupils

[Greatwiseowl]

I work in a top private boarding school. Entitlement off the scale. I cansee why parents pay, however, but the aura of money and the stench if elitism is .. really gross.

Yes, I think that's a very fair point!

I did a short stint in a private prep school as a teacher and boarding mistress. It was a real eye opener for me. The teachers and parents were all sleeping together and openly having affairs. Some of the children were lovely, but a lot of them were really entitled, sexist and homophobic. The resources were amazing, and the staff room was a fun place to be (mostly because of the outrageous gossip). Once we had two dads physically fighting outside the assembly hall because their daughters birthday parties had been planned for the same day!
I only stayed for a couple of years - it made me feel really grubby!

😲 actually fighting?!

OP can we get examples?!

@MagdaLenoryeah, we had to call the police. The whole school was in assembly and we could hear the shouting so we sent out the rugby coach. He said one of the men had the other one pinned down on his car bonnet.

Oh my god. I've spent decades in non selective state schools in inner London. In my current school, 48% are FSM. 51% don't speak English at home. We have refugees and families needing support. We've never had anything like this!

so we sent out the rugby coach

This made me laugh!

Poor coach - hope he sorted them out without getting injured himself!

At a top UK boarding school (Eton, Harrow, Marlborough, Radley) you will have a number of pupils who will come from backgrounds (overseas royalty, aristocracy, kids of high profile celebs, wealthy businessmen) where all they have ever known is staff doing things for them. Any show of entitlement is likely to play out in the boarding house where many will always have had a maid or nanny to take care of the domestic side of life, and a chef to supply tasty snacks on demand, or mum or dads PA to send on errands…Surely any decent top school worth its salt has a good staff induction process to prepare you for this and how to manage expectations of pupils and educate them in their new normal.
OP if you’re just sitting back astounded at the entitlement, the school is not doing a very good job.

Given the cost of private school what did you expect

Depends on the school surely. I have worked in a sector where I know a lot of ex top school pupils. The chaps I know who went to Eton or Westminster tend to always be lovely and well mannered. Conversely I’ve never met anyone who went to Manchester Grammar or Harrow that I liked.

Vote with your feet and get a job at an establishment that aligns with your values.

Why would that mean she didn’t need to have a basic grasp of English grammar?

OMG that’s seems so obvious when you say it, but hadn’t thought about it. We stayed in a lovely hotel this year and there was a seemingly very wealthy family at breakfast with au pair. The parents totally ignored the children and the au pair was running around all over the place, trying to make sure the children had everything they could possibly desire. Most of the time, all of the children were on iPads. It was so sad. And yet the children were waited on hand and foot.

A job is a job, right, but having contempt for DC that didn’t choose their parents is not really on is it.

But you do have a choice about where you work and if their entitlement offends you to the point that you start a thread about them (the DC), slagging them off, maybe you are in the wrong job.

My DGC who do go to independent school, although not one attended by the super rich, might be considered entitled by parents and staff at the local state schools.

At present they are DC, they are not doing anyone any harm, they might change when they become adults, but abusers and the worst of society come from all walks of life.

Not all of them are entitled brats. I worked as a school nurse in a private school once and honestly found that kids were just kids, with the same worries and illnesses as other kids.

I was reading an article this weekend about a caretaker of a private school in the USA who had 100% discount on fees for children and had 4 children go through private school. He was delighted and he also sounded like a really nice man. I felt pleased for him. English wasn't his first language and he had gone to America as a young man with no money or qualifications. Now he's got 4 kids who have received one of the best educations in the world and should all get excellent, high paying jobs.

THATS social mobility.

Worked at a very "meh" independent for a while - we had a brawl between two mums outside the school gates over which child was on the higher level Biff and fucking Kipper book!

I went to a boarding school as a day pupil many years ago. The fees were much less expensive then, and it certainly wasn't a 'top' one, so while there were some well off families, there was probably more of a social mix than you'd find nowadays.

Looking back, I'd probably say this. The really lucky kids are those who live a grounded, 'normal' life with parents who love and hug them and are interested in them, who have time for them and aren't constantly stressed and who come from families rooted in their communities with a good network of friends. Those are the kids who have hit the jackpot in life, especially if their parents have a sufficient level of knowledge and material resources to help open doors for them... to fund extra curricular activities, help with university or college fees, give them a leg up onto the property and give sensible help with career choices. Yes, these kids probably do come from families that would be considered 'well off' by average standards, but you're not necessarily talking astronomical levels of wealth and they may not go to private school. Their real advantage is that they come from families who are living life in the sunshine.

There are many children who don't fall into this category for some reason or other (poverty, social deprivation but could also be excessive wealth, disconnection from disinterested parents etc.) and whatever the 'entitlement', these kids are are at disadvantage in life compared to the sunshine children.

In the 1990s, I worked for a global corporate in the City. There were lots of senior and up and coming men who had been to top public schools and were sending their sons to the same school. They did this despite having had a tough time themselves. An Australian colleague said in a meeting one day when the subject came up that the boarding school experience was fundamentally the same as children being separated from their parents by social services. I suspect I was the only person round the table who appreciated the comment. Since then, boarding has improved a lot but it is seen as odd outside the UK, except for forces families and similar.

An Italian friend resident in the UK at around the same time was mystified by a BT ad that told the story if a mother dropping her son at boarding school, crying in the car on the way home and being happy when she speaks to him on the phone.

Dd is a teacher at a "top" expensive boarding/day school. She says most of the kids are lovely, no excessive entitlement due to family wealth,

but the school do have serious issues with misogyny, which is to be their main focus in tutor time this year.

I mean, their fathers are paying a fortune for them to be there, if course they will feel entitled.. because they actually are..

Where do you work op? You dont sound very happy. Maybe a state school would be better.

My friend taught at the local Grammar and said it was far worse for entitled behaviour than one of the local private schools. I think as a teacher it is part of finding a job that you go where you will be comfortable. If these families wealth is an issue to the point you have to post a whole thread, either your classes are somehow bringing this to the fore or you didn't actually know that private schools might mean you'd encounter some privilege? If you think you are teaching entitlement, then in your subject you can try to open discussion on perspectives, perhaps?

Where do you work op

I suspect she doesn’t work anywhere near a school, independent or otherwise.

Well, yes, teachers are just 'staff' in another iteration.

Their fathers are paying? I suppose the mothers are busy ironing, folding and packing trunks…?