Gordonstoun vs shrewsbury defiant high iq girl

[ByRedTiger]

I have a defiant and high iq girl with high functioning asd and adhd medicated. Which school is better?

daughter is highly intellectual and curious was motivated by learning now not so much

what do you think has changed? And what support are you giving her around her autism - social and emotional, mental health, sensory needs? In what ways does her dual exceptionalism or spiky profile present?

These arent just having a go questions they might help posters identify what your daughter might need and give you useful info about the schools through those lenses.

Based on the new info I would focus on a school which will encourage her academic interests, while being strong on the welfare side too. The key thing is to have a peer group which is interested in doing well academically, reading widely, etc, and ideally at a school where the teaching goes beyond the basic exam curriculum. Many boarding schools offer that, and also offer plenty of opportunities to do sport, music, drama, etc. Expensive English private schools tend to be very good at extra curricular activities. However, they won't necessarily force your daughter to participate in those - it will be up to her, particularly in 6th form.
This should help you: www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/

Sorry to read this thread 😢
I truly hope you find somewhere your D loves, where she can be supported both by you and the school and that you can visit for team sports, matches, plays, celebratory events and which will give her a chance to have some happy fun with peers.

Yes exactly. That is the school I’m looking for. And I’m wondering if shrewsbury or Gordonstoun is it! Thank you

peers And environment.

I think Gordonstoun focuses more on outdoor, cooperative activities. So maybe look at schools which focus more on stretching pupils academically.

Yes exactly. Hence we are looking at shrewsbury also.

You do realise that you come across as very rude and lacking in manners on this thread? I’m very interested in finding out what behaviors you judge to be “defiant”

If Shropshire is an okay location for you, have you considered Moreton Hall. It's a smaller sized top 20 boarding school for girls. Good mix of arts, sports and academia and excellent pastoral care.

Have you ever heard of the XY Problem?

The OP thinks that boarding school will somehow "fix" her neurodivergent daughter and wants to ask questions about boarding schools.

The OP is asking the wrong question.

I feel sad for the daughter.

What makes you think that any British school will teach "boundaries manners and self regulation skills"? They assume that the kids already have that from home.

Speaking of rudeness, your posts come across as impatient and demanding. I'm autistic, yet even I'm seeing your posts as abrasive. I think you need to examine your own behaviour before you blame your daughter's social circle for hers.

It's also very common for ND kids to implode during their teens. We grow out of it by our mid-twenties. Sending her away won't help with that implosion.

Than you! Shropshire is no different than anywhere else for us. But we are hesitant for an all girls because not sure if there will be too much drama. We prefer coed. Bet my former comment gets more hate now!

OP I wonder if your defiance needs a reset?

Autistic girls are nearly three times more likely than their peers to be sexually assaulted, with 90% of autistic women being the victims of sexual assault. Over 95% of sexual assaults are carried out by men and boys.

An all-girl school is much safer for her and calmer for her ADHD.

As a victim of sexual assault at primary school, I fought tooth and nail to pass the 11+ and get into all-girl grammar. The "drama", as you put it, of girls being girls didn't even register with me because I was just glad that no one was going to grope my vulva again.

Perhaps they make the students take cold showers?

I’m really sorry you experienced that. Thank you for sharing concerns. Didn’t think of it so will consider.

I am not anti-boarding schools, but the reality of boarding school life is that the kids 'parent' themselves to a large extent. They are exceptionally dependent on their peers for support in a way that is not always healthy. The staff may be in loco parentis but they cannot replicate the parental relationship or provide warm, loving support in the way that parents can.

Boarding works best for very confident, emotionally secure children with firm boundaries who come from happy, supportive homes. It is true that for some children boarding seems like a better option than home at the time - it's a 'haven' away from a dysfunctional home life and the structure and consistency it provides represent safety away from often volatile home environments. But there is a long-term emotional price to be paid in these cases and really the starting point for most concerned parents (which it sounds like you are) would be to look at how the issues can be addressed in a loving family environment rather than outsourcing them to school staff who will simply brush them under the carpet as much as possible to ensure the smooth running of the school - the emphasis is very much on pupils 'fitting in' to school life.

I really appreciate your words thank you.

this is partially why we are hesitant. We do live far away. She does need a reset. It’s not so much dysfunctional at home it’s more she needs the executive function and independence. Not relying on parents as much as she has been. Taking accountability. And frankly- making deeper friendships that she would likely not find in our very undiverse type of community.

im really not on here to just be someone’s target because they are having a bad day. So to everyone else not really saying much I’d appreciate the attention to be refocused on people you deem more worthy than myself and my issues.

For others genuinely trying to pitch in- thank you. Still hoping for a shrewsbury comment though. Seems not as popular as Gordonstoun.

Is she an obstinate, headstrong girl @ByRedTiger ?

No. It’s a lot more complex than this.

@ByRedTiger So you think there’s no drama with the girls in a co Ed school and the boys magically remove that element of their personality? I’m afraid that’s rubbish. It’s also likely that dc from abroad hang out together speaking their languages. International dc often have top grades as a priority and not necessarily sport or fun. The cultural norms are not the same. There are other schools with a family feel that might be a lot better in my view and visiting would be easier for you.

I'm not sure you will get what you need from this thread. I think you need to start again and work down priorities. There are lots of old posts that will have these answers.

You are abroad and it's not clear if you have family in the uk so true full boarding is essential - you don't want you DD being one of a small few left at school at the weekend. This lists, true full boarding, is smaller than you think.

You want her to be around other high achieving intelligent (not just rich) kids and to be coed. This list gets smaller.

Travel from abroad - it needs to be practical.

Pastoral care and suppport....you get my drift.

You'll have a list of more than 2 places hopefully to really look at.

You could also think about paying for a consultant to do this.

Thank you. I’m not sure how many don’t stay on the weekends. That’s a good point. We are not from Asia so I get your drift. I take it Shrewsbury may have more Brit’s than Gordonstoun as a percentage?

we do fully intend to visit often. It’s pretty much down to these two unless spots open up elsewhere and we are late to the party.

Does your dd know about these plans? Are you including her in this conversation?

Do you want mixed or single sex? There are a lot of good, academic, girls boarding schools.